10 Years of Love and Loneliness
by Lolo84
Summary: When I was 15, I only had eyes for one guy—Edward Cullen. Through the years we grew together and apart. We experienced loss, love, loneliness. We fought, we loved and we hated. When tested—sometimes we failed. But when I was drowning in my own tears, he was my life preserver. Helping me stay afloat when I had no one else. This is our story. Our HEA 10 years in the making.
1. Chapter 1: Sophomore Year

***Deep breaths* It's always nerve wracking starting a new fic! Gah! Hope you guys like it! So, how 'bout I let you guys read through and than we'll meet at the bottom and I'll give you more info? :-)**

**Big thank you to my beta: AJasperForme and my pre-reader: Twiddler83.**

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***One.***

**_(Sophomore Year)_**

"Just ask him," Jane pushed. "You know he won't say no."

"You don't know that," I hissed. "I heard he was bringing Alice."

"Well, I heard differently. Just ask him."

It was the week before my Sweet 16 birthday party and although a few guys in our school had already asked to be my date, I only had eyes for one guy. Edward Cullen.

Thinking back, he actually wasn't the typical guy I'd go for. I was always more attracted to the jocks and Edward was the opposite of that in every way, definitely more of a bad boy. That didn't matter though 'cause he was hot, had a killer smile, and even though he had only lived here for about four years, he was easily the most popular boy in our class. Not to mention, he was the star of some of my wildest dreams. From the villain to the sexy stow away, or the rugged cowboy … things always ended the same way. Yeah, I really needed to lay off the cheesy romance novels.

"Fine," I grumbled, slowly walking up to him. He was leaning against the wall outside the cafeteria reading a note. The way the sun was shining made his already auburn hair look even more red than usual and I itched to run my hands through it. Walking closer, I could see a small smirk on his face and the letter in his hands covered in pink ink, so I knew it was from a girl. I stopped for a second, psyching myself up, but he looked up, catching me in my daze before I could walk away. He smiled and winked, folding the letter and sliding it in his back pocket.

Steeling myself and taking a few deep breaths, I continued walking toward him, trying to ignore the whispered cheering of my friends behind me.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hi, Edward." I looked down, nervous, realizing too late I hadn't thought about what I was going to say beforehand.

"So, what's up?" He finally asked after I just stood there for a few minutes.

"Uh … you know, my party's this weekend, right?" I mumbled, still looking at the ground and everything else around us.

"Yeah."

"Are you coming?"

"Sure, if I'm not grounded," he chuckled. "Already got you a gift and everything."

My head snapped up. "Really?"

"Yeah." He smiled, a little bashful. It was a totally different vibe than the normal cocky Edward I was used to seeing at times. "My mom helped me pick it out though," he added, then visibly grimaced.

"Well, okay then. Just wanted to make sure, you know, you were coming." I was chickening out and ready to high-tail my ass back inside the building.

"That it?" He cocked his head to the side. "Just wanted to know if I was coming to your party?"

"That ... and ... well …" I blew out a breath. "And if maybe you'd want to come with me. You know, as my date?"

He scrunched up his face a little bit, looking behind me. I turned around just in time to see my friends look the other way. I narrowed my eyes at them and looked back at Edward, a little embarrassed. "Don't mind them, they're just nosey. But, uh … if you don't want to, that's fine you know."

"No, it's not that. Just ... I mean … weren't you and Alec just together a few weeks ago?"

I scoffed a little. Alec and I had just broken up 'cause I found out he messed with some girl at a dance I wasn't allowed to go to last week. He was annoying anyway, so I wasn't that broken up about it. I was more embarrassed than anything and in that moment, bothered 'cause Edward wasn't the only one who asked me when we were getting back together.

"Yeah, we _were _together. But now we're not."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "And you won't be back together by the end of the weekend?"

"Of course not."

"Alright." He nodded. "Can I get back to you about it tomorrow?"

I tensed. I had hoped for acceptance but still readied myself for a flat out rejection. What I hadn't prepared myself for though, was an 'I'll think about it'.

I guess seeing my face, he decided to explain. "It's just that I'm kind of in a little bit of trouble at home. I want to go with you, of course, but I have to ask first."

I smiled to myself, fighting to hold in a laugh. No matter how badass a lot of the guys in our school tried to act, it always amused me when they said things like 'I'm grounded' or 'I have to ask permission first'.

"No problem." I grinned up at him. "Just, uh, let me know."

"Will do." He winked just as Royce King came walking up to us. I glared at him. He was a creepy cunt and none of the girls in the school ever felt comfortable around him. His only redeeming quality was he was friends with Edward and was Riley King's younger brother, so by association, all of their friends as well.

"'Sup, Bella." He leered. I huffed, not answering, and walked back to my friends, but not before I heard Edward's voice saying, "Look at her like that again, and I'll break your fucking jaw."

***-*10yrs*-***

"Absolutely not!" My father protested later that night.

"Why not? What's wrong with Edward?"

"Everything!"

"What's going on?" My mother asked, walking into the living room.

"He," I pointed at my dad, "is telling me that Edward Cullen can't be my date for my party after he already agreed I would be allowed to have a date."

Technically, I wasn't allowed to date at all yet, therefore Alec, and any other boyfriend before him, were kept a secret. My party—me turning 16—would be the defining point where I was actually allowed to openly have a boyfriend, so my father trying to throw a wrench in my plans had me seeing a bit of fire in my eyes at the injustice of it all.

"You did promise that, Charlie." My mom jumped in, lightly scolding him. I grinned, feeling smug and victorious. "But," she started, and I frowned, while my father's look turned elated. "We did say we would have to approve of the date."

"Mom!" I whined.

"I'm not siding with anyone." She looked at me then back at my father. "But we're not saying no either. We will talk about it later."

"Whatever," I muttered, knowing my father was literally going to throw the book at her for all the reasons why I wasn't going to be allowed to go with Edward. My father, Charles Swan III, was a lawyer, the District Attorney to be exact. And though nothing major ever happened in our small town, sixty percent of the drama that did happen was caused by Edward and his friends. I didn't look at them as troublemakers—more like bored-ass teenagers with nothing else to do other than annoy the shit out of everyone with harmless pranks we all found funny, while the adults called them deviants and hoodlums._ Pfftt!_

"Plus, it's not like he said yes to me yet anyway." I added, not realizing my parents were still listening.

"What do you mean he hasn't said yes?" My father hollered, now looking pissed for a whole other reason. "Why that little … he should be the one begging to take you to your party, not leaving you hanging and waiting for his answer. Who does he think he—"

"Daddy, calm down."

"Yeah, put a cork in it, Charlie. You were just against the idea not even two minutes ago."

"For real. Plus, he's not leaving me hanging on for an answer. He wanted to ask for permission first. You know …" I smiled. "To me, that shows a genuine level of maturity on his part. Some kids—"

"Bella." My mother put her hand up to stop me. I shrugged. It was worth a try.

***-*10yrs*-***

It was Monday when I asked Edward to go with me to my party and by Friday he still hadn't given me an answer. The idiot had gotten himself suspended, yet again, after getting caught smoking on school grounds. It's a two day suspension, so being that it happened on Tuesday morning right before school started, he would be back today.

"So, any word?" Jane came up and stood next to me against the building. The bell was getting ready to ring, so I was hoping to catch him before school started. I wasn't going to walk up to him asking him for his answer or anything, but you know, I figured if I was already outside when he got dropped off, it would be easier.

I looked over at her and did a double take. "What is that thing on your head?" I pointed to a … I don't even know what to call it. It looked like it could have been a fedora but with the slight hint of sombrero. It looked ridiculous. "You know you can't wear that inside right?"

"I know, but ..."

"Hey, Bella."

I jumped and squealed at the sound of Edward's voice coming from behind me.

Jane giggled and walked off, shouting over her shoulder, "I'll catch you guys later."

I looked back at Edward and he had an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you or interrupt, I just wanted to give you this." He handed me a small red and purple gift bag. "It's your birthday present."

The smile that had been on my face faded. "So that means—"

"Yeah, sorry, but since I got suspended, my mom said I can't go."

"That's okay," I mumbled, feeling tears springing to my eyes. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much I was banking on going with him.

"Hey now," he whispered, tucking his finger under my chin and pulling it up to look at him. His eyes—those gorgeous green eyes—bored into mine, and I was almost putty in his hands. "I did want to go with you, just so you know. I'm really pissed at myself for fucking up this week."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "So, I was thinking maybe when I'm not, you know, on lockdown anymore, maybe we can hang out or something?"

"Like a date?" I squeaked out.

"Yeah, like a date."

"Well …" Of course at that moment, the bell decided to ring.

"Hey, just think about it, okay? Looks like I have to get through a few weeks of punishment anyway before we can set anything up. Oh, and Happy Birthday." He kissed my cheek, winked, and ran off into the building.

I had on a perma-grin for the rest of the day.

When lunchtime came, Jane still had on her stupid hat. How she managed to get away with it, I wasn't sure.

"Okay, so what's the deal with the hat?" Our other friend, Rosalie Hale, finally asked in a mocking tone. Rosalie, or Rosa, as she sometimes went by, and Jane didn't get along that well, but for my sake, they tried.

"Ms. Chase." Vice Principal Volturi came up to our table. "As nice as that hat is, please take it off."

I grimaced for Jane at getting scolded in front of our entire table like that. She couldn't protest though since hats were against the rules once you got inside the building.

When she took it off, Rosa started cackling, but I frowned and grimaced for Jane. Her hair, in one word, was butchered. She had always had really long blonde hair that came down mid-waist. It was the same length and texture as mine except my hair was a darker blonde that teetered closer to a light brown. But now that I think about it, other than a minor trim, she hadn't really cut her hair since the 5th grade, so it was probably even longer than that. But now it was short and kind of crazy looking.

I shot Rosa a dirty look to stop her teasing, but she didn't let up, the side of her that wasn't a fan of Jane coming through.

"Don't worry about her," I told Jane quietly. "It doesn't look that bad." She gave me a 'please don't lie to me' look so I had to correct myself. "Okay, it looks kinda terrible. What happened?"

"Victoria fucking happened," she spat. "I asked my dad for money to go get it done and trimmed for your party, and the bitch went crazy, saying I was wasting money. My dad's money, mind you. She told him she would do it for me, and this is what she did." She waved at her head. "I tried to fix it myself, but I only made it worse."

My frown deepened. I had mixed feelings about Jane's stepmother Victoria. She was always really nice to me whenever I was at Jane's house, but Jane hated her. At times, I thought it was simply because she was her stepmother, but with some of the things Jane would say she said or did, I wasn't sure.

"Well, come over early tomorrow and my mom can fix it. Or we can go to the salon and see what they can do." I offered. "Hell, you can even have my hair appointment if you want."

"There's something else you should know …" She paused. "I'm not allowed to come to your party anymore."

"What?" This was just getting better and better, you know as in getting worse. First, the boy I had a crush on wasn't going to be my date, and now my best friend wasn't coming?

She went on to explain after Victoria butchered her hair they got into a screaming match.

Her father, coming in on the tail-end of things, sided with Victoria, as usual, and grounded Jane for the entire weekend.

I was in a bit of a slump for the rest of the day, but I couldn't wait to get home and rip open the bag to find out what Edward had gotten me. I had stuffed it in my locker, not wanting to open it in front of anyone.

When I got home, I ran to my room and threw myself on my bed, giddily pulling out the contents of the bag. There wasn't a card inside, but there was a letter. It said 'Open me first'.

**_Bella,_**

**_I want to start off by saying how freaking sorry I am that I can't come 2morrow :-( I hope you let me make it up to you. Not sure who ur goin' to go w/ now but they're lucky as_** **_hell and I'll fuck their shit up if they don't treat you right. _**

I paused, frowning. I hadn't even thought about going with anyone else to be honest.

**_Anyway, I'm really nervous 'bout ur gift now. I hope you don't think it's lame. I see a lot of girls wearing things like it and thought you might like it? If you don't just let me know, and I can always get you something else. Something better. So that's that, happy birthday. Oh, and just in case I punked out at school and didn't get a chance to ask._**

**_Will you go out with me?_**

I gasped a little bit. Did he mean go out with him, like on the date he asked me on? Or go out, go out? I let myself mull over it for the rest of the night, praying it was the latter.

The morning of my party was a blur as I got ready along with Rosalie and a couple friends from school. I didn't have specific dress attire required, but all the girls still did their hair and wore dresses. My new rhinestone 'B' charm went perfectly with my dark pink ensemble.

When we got to the space we had rented, I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. It looked like just about everyone from school came out; even a few people I wish hadn't but my mother forced me to invite.

I was having a lot of fun but was still really bummed Jane wasn't there, which is why I was so surprised when I saw her older brother James walk in.

James Chase, before Edward, was the coolest thing since sliced bread in my life. He was three years older than Jane and I and in his first year of college—all the more reason for it not to make sense for him to show up at my party.

"Look at you, Busy Bee." He smiled, giving me a hug.

"Ugh, please don't call me that anymore, James. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I was in town and heard you were having a little party." He shrugged. "Thought I'd stop by and say hi. Oh, and give you this. Jane said she forgot to give it to you at school yesterday," he explained, handing me a present.

"Thanks. My parents are around here somewhere, if you wanted to go say hi." He nodded, giving me a kiss on the cheek before walking off.

I was mingling with everyone, thanking them for coming and making sure everyone was having a good time, when I noticed Alice Brandon, the girl I thought Edward was going to bring, off to the side and sitting alone.

Alice Brandon was kind of the new girl in town. She had moved here a little after the start of freshman year and was easily the prettiest girl in school. That was her downfall, unfortunately. Every guy wanted her, and therefore, just about every girl hated her. Other than her being really quiet and hard to read, I didn't have a problem with her—hence, personally inviting her to my party.

I decided to make the first move to walk over and talk to her.

"Hi, Alice." I smiled, sitting down next to her. "Thanks for coming."

"Thanks for inviting me." She beamed back at me. And in that moment, she looked even prettier than I had realized. She was short with killer curves and had jet black hair and light brown eyes that almost looked like a honey or gold color. And with her creamy pale skin, but the kind you could tell got a good color from the sun—it was no wonder all the girls were jealous.

"That dress is hot. If you ever need someone to take it off your hands, I'm your girl," I teased, and just like that Alice Brandon and I became friends.

It would later turn out to be one of the best and worst things that ever happened.

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**Her gift was the 'B' charm, if you didn't catch that! :-) **

**A/N: So, about this fic! It will encompass a good amount of other genres (at least I think so) but take the Friendship/Angst to heart! I can promise an HEA, for sure, but I can't promise it'll be an easy ride for ANY of the crew! I'm starting them off young, and idk about you but growing up wasn't always an easy gig for me. They're gonna go through some shit in this fic the same way most of us did in HS and not just teenage angst but of course that too LOL! It didn't apply to this chap but I will put the warning up for the other's- there WILL be mention of underage drinking, and drug use, as well as mentions of violence and sexual assault and all that! Nothing graphic, but the mention of it nonetheless.**

**To get into this fic you'll have to bring yourself back to a time where not everyone had a cellphone, and there was no Facebook and Twitter and all that! It's not set in a specific year but maybe late 90's early 00's? I'm sure there's a lot more I wanna say, but I can't think of them right now! Lol**

**Soooooo ... who's in? Like they do in school, I'm doing a roll call! Raise your hand, or just say "Here" or "present" I wanna know who's reading! and what you think! :-)**

**Until next time! **

**~Lo**

Twitter: Lolosofocused


	2. Chapter 2

**Beta'd by AJasperForMe**

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***Two.***

As Alice and I got closer over the next couple of weeks, there was a noticeable shift in my relationship with Jane, Rosalie, and my other 'friends'. When it was just me and them, things were great, but if Alice was so much as in the vicinity, they were cold and rigid.

Finally, after almost a month of the awkwardness, I decided to confront Jane after school as we waited for our parents to pick us up.

"Okay, so what's the damn deal with you and Rosalie lately?"

"What do you mean?" She was trying to sound bored, but she came off agitated.

"Let me rephrase. Why do you and Rosalie have a problem with Alice?"

"Who?" I crossed my arms over my chest and started tapping my foot. "Fine." She huffed. "I don't like her. No, actually, I don't trust her."

"You don't even know her." I rolled my eyes.

"That's exactly why I don't trust her, and to be honest, you shouldn't either."

"Why not?"

"I've seen the way she looks at Edward you know. She's probably the reason you guys aren't going out yet. She's always around."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, then because I couldn't help it, started cackling like a fool. Had she taken a moment to open her eyes, she would have noticed Edward and Alice barely spoke one word to each other.

"Oh … oh, man." I gasped through my laughter. "You, you're … this is too funny. You're _jealous _of my friendship with Alice?"

"Am not." She scoffed.

"Yes you are, and it's pretty ridiculous if you ask me." I sobered up. "This isn't elementary school. We can have more than one best friend you know."

"So what, now she's your best friend?"

_Really? _"No she's not, but she is my friend. So you, as my best friend, need to respect that and back off, okay?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

When I got home after school, I went straight to my room. I was pissed and didn't want to be bothered. I hated fighting with Jane and even considered calling her up, but I stopped myself. This shit was beyond ridiculous. Of all the things in the world she could be upset about, she was choosing to harp on my being friends with Alice.

I locked myself away for a few hours and focused on my homework before my dad called me down and let me know it was time to start preparing dinner.

I hadn't realized I was stomping about in the kitchen until he interjected from the living room.

"You know, if you're not in the mood to cook tonight, even though it is your turn," I heard him mumble the last part. "All you have to do is say so! Otherwise, I'd rather you not take it out on the poor cabinets!"

I moped off to the living room and flopped down on the couch between him and my mother offering up an apology.

She brought her arms around me and started playing with my hair. "Rough day?"

"I got in a fight with Jane. I think."

She didn't bother hiding her shock. "Really? What about? You girls hardly ever fight."

She was right. Jane and I had been friends since the fourth grade. She was the first new girl to our school. Everyone else had pretty much been born and raised here. She was shy and quiet at first, but once Rosalie and I had asked her to play with us at recess, the three of us had been like the 'Three Musketeers'. In fact, I'm pretty sure we called ourselves that at one point. I didn't know what happened between those two, but one day after Rosalie spent the weekend at Jane's about two years ago, there was a visible rift in their friendship. Even though we had always been close, they had fought all the time so I never thought much of it.

Jane and I, however, never really fought. It was actually rare we even got so much as upset with each other, which is probably why this argument—as small as it was in hindsight—was bothering me so much.

I didn't get into much about it with my mom. No matter how many times she told me I could talk to her about anything and everything, I was pretty sure it didn't include stupid high school drama with my best friend.

So I simply I told her, "We'll be alright, Mom. She's just being a little immature about something." Then I excused myself to finish dinner; it was my turn after all.

***-*10yrs*-***

It had been a week since my little 'argument' with Jane. Rosalie's silence let me know she had sided with her, so I had taken to sitting by myself at lunch. I didn't have time to deal with the bullshit, and unfortunately, Alice didn't have the same lunch period as me. Edward always skipped out and went somewhere off school grounds—which was against the rules by the way—so he was also no help.

I was sitting and studying for a test for next period when I saw Jane making her way over to me. I shut the book and squared my shoulders. I wasn't sure what she wanted, but if she was coming for another fight, I was prepared to give it to her.

"So, I was thinking." She sat down across from me, reaching over and taking one of my fries. "The Halloween dance is coming up. Do you think we should go as referees or cheerleaders?" I looked at her offering nothing but a blank stare. "Alec, Marcus, and Liam are wearing their football jerseys." She continued. "So I thought it would be cute if you, Rosalie and me matched them in some way."

I continued staring at her. "Well, aren't you going to say something?" she finally asked.

Flatly, I answered, "So you're talking to me now? Just like that ... we're cool again?"

"I was never not talking to you, Bella. I just needed some time to think about things."

"Time you took without letting me know; a.k.a. ignoring me."

"I'm sorry, okay." She pouted. "You're right. I was getting jealous of you hanging out with Alice, but I'm over that now and I'm sorry. I've really missed you this past week, and I have so much to tell you," she gushed. I tried to keep up pretenses of being angry with her but the truth was, I missed her just as much.

"Referees." I smiled. "Definitely referees." We started going on about our plans for the dance. Like when we should go shopping etcetera, when something she said caught up to me. "Wait a sec. What do you mean since Alec is wearing his football jersey you thought I'd want to match him? How'd we get mixed up in your plans?"

Her forehead creased. "Marcus told me, that Alec told him, you guys were going to the dance together. That you guys 'worked things out' so to speak."

"Did he now?"

"Yeah … and I guess I should've realized he was full of shit."

"Who all did he tell I was going with him?" She shrugged one side of her body, grimacing a little. I rolled my eyes because I knew what that meant—he had told everyone. Seeing I was close to blowing a gasket, Jane changed the subject by asking me if she could come over after school. I agreed but the tactic didn't work. I was going to stick my foot up Alec's ass when I saw him next.

***-*10yrs*-***

"So catch me up on all things you and Edward?" Jane inquired later that night. The way we were going on, you would have thought we had gone months without speaking instead of a week. But being that we were used to being with each other everyday since we were ten years old, a week seemed like eternity.

"There isn't much to catch up on, to be honest." I shrugged, trying to hide my disappointment at the fact.

It had been over a month since my birthday, and I knew full well Edward was no longer grounded. We had become friends, kind of, but nothing more. We passed notes here and there in between classes, always flirted, and I knew he wasn't going out with anyone, but he hadn't brought up the date again. I never brought up the comment in his letter again either.

I wasn't really up to analyzing the shit out of every word he's ever said to me or the way he acts when I'm around him. Jane and I could go on and on about something as simple as a smile if given the opportunity. So I changed the subject. "So, what did you have to tell me?"

She perked up. "Promise not to tell anyone? Not even Rosa?" I nodded eagerly. "Okay." She blew out a breath. "Me and Marcus finally …" she paused and raised her eyebrows a little.

"Finally?"

"You know … _finally._" With her hands fisted in the air, she jerked her hips a few times.

"Holy shit! You guys had sex?"

"Jesus Christ, Bella. I don't think the neighbors heard you. Wanna say it louder?"

"Sorry," I muttered, whispering, "You guys had sex?" She nodded furiously, a wide smile on her face. "When? Where? Oh my God, how was it?"

"Last weekend. I went over his house really upset about our fight. He was comforting me and well, one thing lead to another, you know."

"Glad to be of service." I chuckled. "How was it?"

I was still a virgin—never even letting anyone finger me yet—so I was beyond curious, and anxious to hear some first hand details. However, that excitement died down when she didn't paint it out to be that great. My shoulders slumped. In her words, it was a pretty terrible and uncomfortable experience.

"Really?"

"Yeah, we had to stop like five times. By the time he got it in, well he … you know."

I frowned. I mean, I wasn't naïve enough to expect it to be all romantic like they showed in the movies, but I didn't think it would be as bad—and quick—as Jane described.

Despite it being a school night, we ended up talking well into the night. I asked her if she planned on 'doing it' again with Marcus and she admitted she was in no rush to. However, she expected he would want it all the time now.

I tried to avoid the topic of Edward as much as possible, but it didn't work. We pulled out his letters, and like I predicted, dissected and analyzed the shit out of every word. The consensus when we were finished was that Edward Cullen definitely liked me.

It was just a matter of figuring out what the hell was holding him back.

The next morning we walked into school a little sleepy-eyed from our all night gossip session.

Walking up to my locker, my steps faltered when I saw Edward leaning against it. He had one foot stretched out in front of him, the other at an angle and bent behind him. Seriously, it wasn't even right how sexy he looked.

"Morning, Bella." He smiled. "I thought I'd walk you to class."

I looked him up and down. His hands were in his pockets and there wasn't a backpack or book in sight. "You're actually going to class?"

"Yes?"

I shook my head and laughed softly, knowing he was full of shit. "You don't have to walk me. I don't wanna get in the way of all the 'not going to class' you got going on."

He snickered. "I'm actually going, thank you very much." I raised a skeptical brow. "Honest! We have a test first period. That's why I'm empty handed."

I still didn't believe him, but I let it go. Somehow, despite hardly ever actually attending class—I know this 'cause I kinda stalked him sometimes—he managed to ace just about every subject. This is probably why the teachers didn't complain as much as they'd like to.

I agreed to let him walk me—as if I would have declined—and he took my bag for me, slinging one strap over his shoulder. It was a little awkward; the only sounds were of people speaking around us. I stuffed my hands in my back pockets, not sure what to do with them.

I was okay with silence with other people, but for some reason with Edward, it made me very uncomfortable. "So, you going to the dance next weekend?"

"Yeah, right." He snorted and scoffed at the same time.

"I am." I offered with a shrug.

"I heard," he muttered, "with Alec, right?"

That reminded me. I had every intention of looking for Alec first thing this morning and giving him a large piece of my mind. Apparently, he wasn't just lying about us going to the dance together and had said a lot more than we simply 'worked it out'. But I got sidetracked by Edward waiting for me by my locker.

It was my turn to scoff and let out a 'yeah, right.' We made it to my class then and Edward handed me my bag with an odd look. "Bella …" he stopped and then looked behind him.

"Yeah?" I waved my hand in front of his face, trying to get his attention back to me but it was no use. I turned around and—speak of the devil—Alec was not even two feet away from us talking and flirting with some freshman girl. "Excuse me for a second," I called out to Edward over my shoulder.

I marched right up to Alec, not giving a shit about whether or not his conversation was in any way important; I'm sure we all knew it wasn't. "Why are you telling everyone I'm going to the dance with you?"

"Uh, we were speaking," the girl said to me.

"And now you're not." Her attempt at giving me attitude was laughable. With one look from Alec, she huffed and scurried away. "I'm not going to repeat myself," I said to him.

"You said you'd go with me. Remember?"

"When we were together, jackass. We broke up over a month ago, so why would I want to go to the dance with you?"

"I just—"

"Feel like you can say whatever the hell you want and not have to deal with it? Like how I gave you head last weekend and then _begged_ you to take me to the dance?" I don't know how the hell the rumor hadn't gotten back to me. According to Jane, she had heard about it a few days ago.

"I didn't say that."

"We both know you did," Edward said, coming to stand behind me. Alec's face paled. I looked back and forth between the two, noticing a small crowd gathering around us. It was clear from the position the three of us were standing in—me in the middle of Alec and Edward, and him towering over the both of us—it looked like there was about to be a fight.

It didn't get to that, though, because Security Officer Gerandy came up to us at that point.

"Break it up, Cullen." He singled Edward out. I glared at the man.

"Uh, maybe you didn't notice, but Edward's not doing anything."

"Yes, he was," Alec spoke up. "I was just talking to Bella and he walked up and threatened me."

"That is such bullshit!"

"Settle down, Miss Swan." Officer Gerandy scolded me. I glared at him again. "Just break it up and go to class." He looked at the three of us, and Alec took the chance to scurry off with his tail between his legs. I stomped off in the direction of the bathroom, which was the opposite of where my class was. I was too pissed to focus and I was shaking a little from the adrenaline of confronting Alec. I pushed through the door and not even a minute later, Edward walked in behind me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper shouted. "If you get caught in here, you're in deep shit. Plus the bell just rang. You're late for class."

"Don't worry about me." He hopped on the sink. "I have study hall first period."

"I thought you said you had a test first period?"

"Right. That's what I meant."

I laughed and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. It was quiet for a second before I finally spoke. "Why are boys so stupid?"

"Not all boys are stupid." My eyes snapped open. Edward had moved off the sink—without making a sound—and was now standing right in front of me.

"Uh …"

"Alec's an ass, so don't use him as an example for what all guys are like. We don't all make up bullshit stories like that."

"You've never lied about doing more with a girl than you really did?" It was an honest question. I knew Alec wasn't the first and would certainly not be the last guy to lie and say a girl put out more than she was really willing to.

Edward paused for a second, as if to see if I was really asking him such a question. At first I feared he might have been offended, but he wasn't. Instead, his lips lifted up in a cocky smile. "Never had to."

I rolled my eyes, not sure if I should be offended by his arrogance, and stated we both needed to go to class; whatever class he actually had.

For the first half of the day all anyone could talk about was Alec and Edward, but of course the story changed drastically by lunchtime.

"So, you were dry humping Edward against the locker and Alec got mad?" Rosa set her lunch tray down and chuckled.

"Of course not." I scoffed. "Clearly the one about me having a threesome with them and getting caught by Gerandy is the true version." We all busted out laughing, but when I caught my breath, I wondered something. "Hey, why didn't you guys tell me what Alec was saying?" It was really geared more toward Rosalie, since Jane had been the one to tell me, but I asked them both. It really still shocked me I hadn't heard about it going around.

She winced. "Truthfully? I don't think anyone thought much of it. I actually thought maybe it was true." I gaped at her. "What? You guys had been together all summer and the entire first month of school. Why wouldn't I believe you gave him head?"

"Gave him head and begged him to go to the dance with me, though?"

"Semantics." She waved her hand dismissively.

I stopped picking at my food and looked around the cafeteria. Everything seemed normal, like any other day. I could hear people close by talking about Edward and Alec but mostly everyone had moved on—or back—to talking about the upcoming dance.

I got a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, though, and I started to wonder what else had been going around about me. More importantly, if any of it might be the reason Edward seemed to be holding back.


	3. Chapter 3

***Three.***

As it turned out, there wasn't much else, as far as me and Alec were concerned, going around the rumor mill. A girl blowing her boyfriend didn't really constitute as front page news these days. That was all good and well, but I still couldn't figure out what the deal was with Edward. Sure, I could've just asked him—it would've certainly made things a lot easier and saved us time—but back then, I was all for waiting for the boy to make the first move. I threw myself into focusing on the upcoming dance and coming up with a new costume. I was clearly not coordinating with anything that had to do with Alec and the guys wearing their football jerseys. I still wanted to punch him in the face. Plus, our football team sucked anyway.

I don't know how the idea came to me—other than wanting to uphold the tradition of being partially nude for Halloween— but I eventually came up with something by simply ruffling through my closet. Only problem was trying to figure out how to get past my mom in short shorts and a tied-up midriff top. In the end, the sneaking around and changing in the car was pointless as school dress code was upheld for the dance. Vice Principal Volturi made me untie my shirt the minute I walked up to the door.

When we got inside, I cringed when I took in the decorations. The gym looked like a birthday, Halloween and a reject party from the 80's all did acid, had an orgy, and their baby threw up everywhere. It was horrible, but I could tell the committee really did their best to stretch out the miniscule budget.

The dance in itself was kind of lame, but the time with my friends is what made it a fun night. Before I knew it, the two hours was almost up, and the DJ was playing slow songs. The universal sign the night was coming to an end. I was off to the side, not wanting to slow dance with anyone in particular, when out the corner of my eye, I saw two guys lurking by the doorway. I squinted to get a better look and couldn't contain the smile on my face or the butterflies in my stomach when I realized who it was. Though I didn't recognize one of the guys, the other one was the star of my fantasies.

I wasn't sure what Edward was doing there, so I stayed where I was, keeping a shy level of eye contact in his general direction. He was looking around and after a few minutes, he spotted me, nodded, and started making his way over. The butterflies intensified at the evidence he had been clearly looking for me. In an attempt to play it cool, I didn't run up to him even though I wanted to, and simply smiled with a somewhat timid wave while I waited for him to approach.

With his signature smirk in place, he walked up to me and unabashedly appraised me from head to toe.

"Cowgirl?"

I shook my head. "Daisy Duke."

He bit his bottom lip a little and lightly tugged at the hem of my shorts but didn't say anything else, making things immediately awkward.

"So, what are—"

"How's the—"

"Go ahead," we both said at the same time, then started laughing.

He nodded at me so I asked, "What are you doing here? In the mood for school dances all of the sudden?"

Chuckling, he answered, "Not even a little bit. What are you doing after?"

"After the dance?" I asked to clarify. "I was just gonna go home? Why?"

"Well, I was thinking about checking out this party." He stuffed his hands in his back pockets and rocked on his feet a little.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to see what was going on here; seems like it's wrapping up, though. Wanna come to the party with me?"

I didn't need to think about it, nor did I have the time to concern myself with playing hard to get. I immediately told him yes but that I wanted to tell the girls I was leaving first. He told me it was no problem and to just meet him outside when I was done. I quickly sought out the girls and grabbed them away from their prospective slow dances, dragging them to the bathroom. They didn't even protest; this was obviously important.

As soon as we got in the bathroom I explained to them—all in one breath—about Edward being here and asking me to go to a party with him.

"Uh ... how's your parents gonna feel when Edward drops you back home?"

I frowned because I hadn't thought of that. "Well, maybe we can all go." I suggested as an alternative. Jane and I normally had the same curfew anyway, so it would work out that much better, and I wouldn't be the only one maybe needing to leave early. That idea was immediately shot down, though, when she explained she was told to come straight home after the dance. Thankfully, we were quick on our feet in devising a plan B.

When the dance let out, we found Edward leaning against his car with a bored look on his face. I started walking up to him, but the girls, as well as Marcus and Liam, stayed back a bit, so I could talk to him.

"Ready?" he asked, pushing himself off the car.

"Uh sure, but is it okay if Rose and Liam come? We came with Jane and Marcus but they can't take us home."

He shrugged without a thought and accepted my half truth. "Sure."

The four of us were quiet on the way to the party. Liam had to sit upfront with Edward because he could barely fit in the back of his Civic. That left me in the back with Rosalie. Every few minutes I could feel Edward's eyes on me, and when we would make eye contact in his rearview mirror, he would wink. I would smile and look away and each time Rosa would snicker or playfully jab me a couple times with her elbow.

Before we even got to where the party was being held, we could tell it was going to be packed by the amount of cars already parked down the street. I wasn't sure whether to be nervous or excited about this; more people meant a higher possibility there would be a fight or major drama, but no people would have meant we'd be ending the night earlier than planned.

When we got out of the car and started walking toward the driveway, I realized it wasn't a home I recognized. Therefore, I was pretty sure the party wasn't being thrown by someone at our school. I, of course, didn't know where everyone lived, but there were the resident ten people who had what would be considered the 'party houses'.

"So, whose house is this?" I asked Edward once we got inside. Rosalie had her arm looped through mine, and we were following behind him and Liam.

"I'm actually not sure," he laughed, pulling my hands free of hers. "But come on; let me get you something to drink." I glanced over at Rosalie, who was now hanging on Liam, and gave her a nod and a wink before walking away.

"You've drank before, right?" Edward asked, looking through the fridge.

"Uh, a little bit."

"Mmmhh … then just take this." He handed me a beer.

"Well, what are you drinking?"

"Not beer." He chuckled. "But I drink. You don't. So it's just beer for you tonight."

"I can handle more than beer, ya know," I quipped back, chin jutted in the air.

"Too bad we won't find that out tonight." His tone was a little playful but I could tell that his comment was anything but.

We weaved around the house, hand-in-hand, stopping from time to time to talk, or dance, or to fill up his drink.

When we got to this guy I recognized as 'Black'—one of those guys who you're never sure how old he is 'cause he's always around the parties, but no one really knows what school he goes to—Edward stopped and started talking to him. They were whispering for a little bit before 'Black' nodded and walked away.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Edward whispered in my ear, popping a kiss on my cheek.

"Wait." I grabbed onto his shirt. "Where are you going?"

"Uh …" He hesitated. I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Okay, fine. I'm gonna go have a quick smoke out back."

"Can't I come with you?"

He cringed then gave me a pleading look. "I'd honestly rather you didn't."

"But—"

"I'll be right back. Fifteen minutes." He gave me another kiss and rushed off before I could protest again. I stood there feeling a little out of place for a minute or two. I didn't know anyone other than Edward, Rosalie, and Liam, so I decided to go looking for Rosa.

I wandered for a little bit before I saw her in a corner almost sucking Liam's face off. Regardless, I sat next to them because it was better than wandering around aimlessly. After a few minutes of them not realizing I was there, some girl finally came up and tapped Liam on the shoulder, whispering something in his ear. He then said something in Rosalie's ear to which she shrugged.

When she realized I was sitting there, her smile lit up.

"Bella, you coming?" she asked, standing up and smoothing out her referee costume. I nodded, following them into another room.

When we got into what seemed to be another living room, but much more subdued, Rosa sat down on the couch next to Liam and I followed suit. A couple people who were already in the room, kneeled down in front of the coffee table as if they were preparing for something. Before I could ask what was going on, the same girl who had tapped Liam on his shoulder sat on the opposite side of me and put her purse on the table. She pulled out a credit card and a few pills and started crushing them under the card.

"Uh …" I started but stopped.

When she was done crushing her pills and arranging the remnants in neat little lines, she looked back in her purse and frowned.

"Damn," she almost shouted, in a nasally voice. "I only have ones. Does anyone have larger bills?" I scrunched my face.

"I think I have a five," someone offered.

"No." She shook her head. "Still too dirty. Anyone have like a twenty or higher?"

"Bella, you have a fifty in your clutch don't you?" Rosa piped in. I looked over and glared at her.

"Relax," Liam chuckled. "No one's gonna take your money. It's just better to use something less tainted. Too much dirty hands touch a one dollar bill. Here." He pulled out his wallet. "You can hold on to this as collateral."

I relented, pulling out the fifty dollar bill my mother had given me, and handed it to him. He rolled it up and used it to snort a line of whatever the girl crushed; followed by the others. Me, Rosalie, and a girl that was across from me sporting a huge belly were the only three who declined.

"Here you go." Nasally voice girl handed me back my—still rolled up—money. Of course the minute it passed in my hands, Edward came barging in the room.

"Bella, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He grabbed a hold of my wrist, yanking me from the couch and wrenching the bill from my hands. "What is it, Tanya," he barked at the nasally girl. "What are trying to give her?"

"Calm the fuck down, Edward."

"No, you stay the fuck away from my girl," he snapped. With a vice-like grip on my wrist, he announced that he was taking me home. I was pissed, but I let him pull me out of the house until we were outside.

"Let me go." I forcefully pulled my hand away. "And don't ever humiliate me like that again," I snapped, walking in the opposite direction.

"The car is this way," he called out.

"I'm walking home."

"At this time of night? Like hell you are. Especially not after you just bumped a line of God knows what. Damn it, Bella! I didn't bring you here so you can get mixed up with coke whores like Tanya Denali."

I spun on my heels. "But I didn't! I wasn't!"

"Yeah? What were you doing when I walked in the room, huh? Sure looked a lot like you were passing a rolled up bill around the table."

"We were ... I was … but," I stopped, and my chin started quivering. I always cried when I got too angry. "I wasn't going to do anything," I muttered. "It was my money. She was just giving it back to me. I had already said no."

"Oh."

"Yeah, but you know what? Even if I was about to 'bump a line' or whatever the fuck you called it, that's my choice. You don't see me judging you do you? You fucking reek of weed."

"That's different," he protested.

"How so? I'm sure this isn't the first time you've done it."

"No it isn't, but that and drinking is all I do. Tanya and her friends are mixed up with some heavy shit. I'm sorry if I don't want my girlfriend getting involved in shit like that."

"Well, I'm not your girlfriend!" I shouted.

"And whose fault is that?" he shouted back.

"Uh, guys?"

"What?" We both snapped, looking over at the voice. Rosalie's voice.

"You guys are kinda loud and attracting attention." Sure enough, behind her was at least half of the party peeking out the window or standing at the door. _Great! _Second embarrassment of the night. I growled and started walking away again, but Edward followed me and grabbed a hold of my arms to pull me back.

"Bella, stop."

"Let me go."

"Not until you chill the fuck out."

"Please, Edward. Just let me go," I whimpered. He spun me around to face him.

"Shit, are you crying?" I looked down and sniffled, but shook my head no. "Dammit, I'm not … I didn't, please don't cry. Fuck, come here." He pulled me into his arms. "Why the hell are you crying?"

I had no idea to be honest. I was embarrassed that he rushed into the room making a scene and acting like my damn father, but other than that …

"You mad at me?" he asked, gently cradling my face in his hands and urging me to look up at him. "You can't be mad that I'm looking out for you, that can't be it." I shrugged and tried to look down again, but he held my face firm. "I can't take you being mad at me."

"I'm not."

"Then what is it? You're killing me here."

"What did you mean by 'whose fault is that'?"

"Really?" He chuckled, running his thumbs under my eyes. There was a little wetness forming but I really hadn't been all out crying. "That's what's wrong? Me saying it's not my fault?"

I shook my head. "No. More like me not being your girlfriend at all."

"That it?" I didn't answer. I just stared into his eyes and nodded. A smile started playing at his lips. "Well, this is an easy fix. Bella, will you go out with me?"

I let out a large sigh of relief. "Yes. I thought you'd never ask."

"Uh, technically, I already did," I quipped back a little.

"Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind." He laughed a little louder, bringing my face to his and dipping his head down to kiss me. For our first kiss it was pretty intense and before I knew it, he had me pinned against some random car and we were groping at each other.

"I think they've made up, Ro."

I jumped at the sound of Liam's voice.

I looked up to see him and Rosalie standing there staring at us. Her mouth was gaping a little, but I could see the smile in her eyes. Edward and I broke apart and when he looked at his watch, we realized it was getting late and was best for us to make a move now.

"Thanks for the ride, man," Liam told Edward once he pulled into his driveway.

"Yeah. Thanks, Edward," Rose added. "Bella, call me tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded with a huge smile on my face, knowing it was more than likely going to turn into a three-way call with Jane. They climbed out of the car and once they were safely inside, Edward drove off toward my house.

It was clear he took the long way home, because the normal five minute drive took a little over ten minutes. I didn't mind it though since we had some spare time before I had to be home. We didn't say much on the way home, but he kept our hands together and on his lap the whole way, chancing glances at me from time to time. It was perfect.

When we got to my house, I told him not to pull up on the driveway.

"You know that looks more suspect, right?" He laughed.

"True, but at least I know no one can see me doing this." I leaned over and pressed my lips to his, picking up where we left off against the cars. Our little make out session lasted a little longer than I intended and by the time we pulled our faces away from each other, I was a few minutes over curfew.

With his lips still close to mine, he began talking in a whisper. "So, I can pick you up for school on Monday if you want."

I smiled. "Yeah, that would be cool." With another peck I told him goodnight and hopped out of the car.

When I got inside the house, the TV was on but I could hear my mom's soft snoring coming from the couch. Half of me rolled my eyes that she was clearly waiting up for me while the other half couldn't help but smile and appreciate how much she cared. I knew I was lucky. I turned off the TV and shook her shoulders a little.

"Mom, get up. I'm home."

She sat up with a smile on her face and asked me how the dance was.

I grinned. "It was okay."

"Just okay?"

I bit on the inside of my cheek trying to contain my smile. There were a dozen more adjectives I could think of to describe the night. Magnificent. Memorable. The fucking best. But there wasn't enough time for that, so I went with, "Yeah, just okay."


	4. Chapter 4

***Four.***

Unfortunately, Edward and I didn't come out as unscathed as me and Alec did gossip wise. When the following Monday came, and it was made clear we were in fact going out, the rumors as to _why_ ran rampant.

It started with people—who weren't even at the party—attesting to shit that just wasn't true. From the ones who swore up and down they saw me doing coke and popping pills, to the ones who said I got in a catfight with that Tanya girl over Edward. That was the tamest of them. After a few days, I was past joking about it and got pissed. Edward didn't seem to care, though. He was used to having rumors spread around about him and kept assuring me it would pass.

It didn't take long— three days in fact—for some of it to get back to my parents. My father was seething and tried to rebuke the 'being able to date when you're 16 rule'. But thankfully my mom was on my side. Probably because her and Edward's mom, Esme, were friends and she didn't want to hurt her feelings by disapproving of her son.

It took almost a month, but thank the lord everyone eventually moved on. But had it not been for the month mark falling close to Thanksgiving, and everyone being hyped up on having a long weekend, I'm sure we would have been a hot topic until Christmas.

As everyone was going on and on about their plans, I couldn't share in their joy. To me, a long weekend meant little time with Edward. My parents were big on the whole 'spending quality time with your close friends and family on the holidays'. I didn't think boyfriends, ones my father wasn't that happy with, counted in that. I was more than surprised when the actual planning came and I was proven wrong.

"So, I was thinking," my mom had said one night over dinner.

"Did it hurt?" my dad quipped, earning a napkin thrown at his face. I chuckled at them.

"What were you thinking about, Mom?"

"Thanksgiving. You know how for the past couple years we've rotated having dinner here and at the Chase's?"

"You mean how we rotate which kitchen you cook in since Victoria can't cook for shit?"

"Language," she scolded as I I mumbled out a 'sorry'.

"She's right though," my dad jumped in to my defense. "She can't cook for shit, dear."

My mom shook her head at us. "This is useless."

"Ok, ok sorry, we're listening."

"Technically it's the Chase's year." She went on. "But I was thinking we have dinner here this year and invite the Hales and the Brandon's. Wouldn't that be fun?"

I wrinkled my nose. "I don't know."

"What, why not?"

"It's a great plan, Mom." I quickly tried to comfort her. She looked a little crestfallen at me shutting down her idea so quickly. "It's just that the girls aren't exactly what I would call the best of friends."

"What do you mean? I thought you guys were all close?"

"No." I shook my head. "I'm friends with _them_. However, they aren't friends with each other. More importantly Rosa and Jane dislike Alice more than they dislike each other these days."

"Well, I think those girls can just suck it up for a few hours."

My dad cleared his throat. "What about the Cullen's?"

My eyes went wide and my throat went dry. "What about them?"

"Don't you think it would be nice to invite them over as well? I would love to meet and get to know a little more about your _boyfriend_." I would have believed him if he hadn't almost choked on the word.

I narrowed my eyes at him. I wasn't sure what he was up to but I didn't like it. My mother either didn't catch on to the hostility in his voice or chose to overlook it and chimed in at how brilliant an idea it was.

My delegated task was to inform the girls of the plans the next day at school. I kept it short and simple and told them, separately, they were invited for dinner. The end. If they wanted to know more, they could get the rest of the details—about who else was going to be invited—from their own parents. It's not like they would have a say in the matter anyway, so I didn't see the point in getting caught in the crossfire of protests.

It was a different story with Edward, though. I needed to give him the head's up in case he needed to make a quick excuse to his mom, should she accept my mother's invitation. He didn't seem as worried as I thought he would be.

"I have to meet them eventually, right?" The thought made me grimace a little and his face fell. "I mean, that is if you had planned on introducing us."

I immediately felt like shit. I didn't see Edward insecure often, if ever, so when it happened I was a sucker. I rushed to reassure him. "Of course I want you to meet them. I just …" I scrunched up my face. "Not at the suggestion of my dad. Makes me feel like he's up to something."

He chuckled and called me paranoid but we left it at that. Any more objections on my part would have made him doubt how I felt.

Dinner ended up being a big affair with our guest lists totaling to 15, not counting the stragglers that 'dropped by' throughout the day. Even though I was nervous at first, having everyone over was kind of nice. I realized of the five of us, Jane was the only one who wasn't an only child. It was nice to have some pretend siblings for the day.

Edward was in rare form for dinner, pulling out all stops to impress my dad. I'm not sure if it was his own doing, but he made sure to wear a tie and brought some carnations for my mom. As time went on, I could see the homicidal glint in my father's eye diminish. Every time Edward said something unexpected, or answered a random question correctly, I would send him a sly wink and smile. I could tell my mother was cheering for us and getting annoyed with my father.

The nail on the coffin of my father hating Edward—albeit temporarily—was when he quipped about how happy he was he hadn't had any complaints on him as of late.

"I've made a lot of mistakes, sir. I can't and won't deny that. But I'm trying to do right by Bella. I don't think getting in trouble for being truant or constant fighting, amongst other things, helps with that cause."

The girls and I looked over at each other, biting on our cheeks to keep serious faces. Up until that moment, he had been, as far as I could tell, 100 percent honest. But the last comment was pure bullshit. He had just gotten a warning about not being able to miss any more school just this week. Regardless, I saw what he was doing and I was grateful. While trying to convince my father—and maybe his mom—that he was trying to behave, he was attributing me as the reason. We both looked good. Win-win.

When dinner wrapped up, the parents all booked it to the living room, leaving it up to us to clean up. "Don't even think about it," I warned, when I looked at all the faces of my friends. I knew excuses were coming.

"The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we'll probably be able to sneak out of here," Edward jumped in.

"Get out of here?"

"Yeah. Jake's having a get-together."

We all looked over at him. "Who?"

"Black."

_Ah! _We all nodded and got to work; the prospect of an escape as motivation. It took some convincing, but we were all allowed to go. I knew my parents didn't have a major issue since we were all going to be together, but Alice's parents didn't roll that way. There were two guys in the midst after all and one was a co-ed who did a horrible job of hiding his attraction to her throughout dinner. As stealthily as possible, Jane snuck up to my room before we left and called Marcus to tell him to meet up with us and to bring Liam with him.

When we got to Jake's, I noticed it was indeed a small gathering of sorts. For a moment, I had thought Edward might have been lying and downplaying things in order to make it look less debaucherous in front of my parents. At first, the quiet setting made the eight of us—who strolled in like we owned the place—feel a little awkward, but no one else seemed to mind.

Jake was really nice and welcoming, immediately telling us all to make ourselves at home. I wasn't sure how cool he and Edward were, but his familiarity with the house was clear. When I asked him if they were close friends—as I'd never really heard him mention him, and only seen them speak a few times—he said 'something like that'. I pursed my lips to let him know I didn't like his answer or his attempt to clearly hide things from me.

He sighed. "We smoke up together a lot." He didn't say anything else, but I knew there was more so I continued looking at him. He huffed. "Anndd ... sometimes I make a run or two for him." My eyes almost fell out of my head. _Say what now? _"I don't deal," he rushed to explain. "I'm not a dealer, at all. I just, ah, deliver some packages from time to time."

"Edward."

"I know, babe. I know." I didn't know what else to say so I kept my mouth shut. I was obviously not happy with this new development but it wasn't going to make me break up with him either. More than anything, I was worried about him getting in trouble or doing something stupid and reckless. "I'll stop if it makes you upset," he offered.

"Is it that simple?"

He nodded. "I don't handle money. So, for me, yeah it's that simple."

"Okay … well, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. So ..."

"You're not," he answered simply. And that was that.

We made our way to a couch where he and a few other people started passing a blunt around. I looked over and noticed Alice and James were talking and getting cozy on a recliner but couldn't find anyone else. I snickered 'cause I was pretty sure I knew what they were all up to. Last month, Rosalie had said adios to her virgin status and sex was all she and Jane could talk about these days. I was sure I wouldn't see them for the rest of the night.

After a second and third blunt was rolled, lit, and in circulation, one of the guys finally spoke up, asking me if I didn't smoke. Before I could answer him, I saw Edward shake his head next to me. I rolled my eyes. I appreciated his attempt at preserving my … whatever, but we both knew if I really wanted to there was nothing he could do to stop me. Plus, I didn't need to take a hit. I was already getting a contact high. After a few drinks and a sufficient contact, I decided Edward's lap was more comfortable than the couch. It was semi-innocent at first, but when he started rubbing my back, thigh, and sides I looked back at him. His eyes were hooded from drinking and smoking, but I could tell there was a hint of the horniness there too.

"I think I wanna lie down for a bit before we leave," he whispered in my ear, taking my earlobe into his mouth. I shivered and nodded. He didn't need to say more.

We got up from the couch and he led me up to the stairs, grabbing two more drinks along the way. When we got inside a room, we could barely keep our hands off of each other. I squeaked when we stumbled on the bed, all arms and legs, and he started pawing at me over my shirt. He hitched my leg over his hip, pushing my skirt up, and started grinding into me. I moaned and whimpered at the feeling of his bulge against the thin cotton of my panties. We had done a little dry humping before but always with the barrier of thick jeans.

"Can I take these off?" he asked, motioning to his pants. I bit my lip and nodded. He grinned and moved to the edge of the bed, slowly pulling them off along with his shirt and shoes. With just his boxers on he climbed back next to me and pulled me to him, resting his hands on my stomach.

"I want you so bad," he whispered in my ear, snaking his hand down. I gasped. Sure my own hands had been down there, but no one else's. It was a totally different sensation. A few swipes over my nub and I was wetter than I think I've ever been. I reached my hands down his boxers, ready to return the favor and gripped him tightly in my hands.

"Shit," he hissed. "Can I get a condom?"

I knew this was his way of asking permission for us to have sex. I was nervous but excited and quickly told him yes. He didn't move though and pulled my face to his, kissing me hungrily, and sliding his fingers lower. When he attempted to slide a finger inside of me, my entire body tensed and I jerked back a little. I felt him moving around a little and climb on top of me before I felt something clearly thicker trying to intrude inside of me. I'd be lying if I said I was enjoying it. After a few seconds, he sighed and dropped his head on my shoulder.

"You're a virgin."

"Yeah?"

"I ... I can't. Not if you're a virgin."

"What?"

He rolled off of me and I looked down to see his boxers were still on. I looked over at him confused.

"By the look on your face, I could tell my fingers were hurting you. My dick's only gonna be worse." I didn't say anything. I couldn't word how I felt. So he continued, "Your first time shouldn't be like this." He gestured to our surroundings. "How come you never told me?"

"You never asked." I shrugged, sitting up and reaching for my shirt. I knew better than to think he was rejecting me, but it didn't make me feel any better. In his annoying need to always 'look out' for me, I knew this was just another one of those situations. Yes, it stung but I wasn't gonna argue with him about sex. I knew it was pointless 'cause after all, he was just another teenage boy. He wouldn't be able to resist for long.


	5. Chapter 5

***Five.***

I lost track of how long I sat at the bottom of the stairs while trying to psych myself up to talk to my mom. My request was simple really; all I wanted was to ask if I could stay the night at Rosa's. Something I'd done countless times. But, knowing the true meaning as to why, and the weight of what I had planned, had changed things completely.

You see, the Winter Formal was coming up. It was our school's version of homecoming 'cause our football team was horrible and therefore the second biggest thing to happen; next to prom. Especially to the underclassmen, like me, who weren't allowed to go to the prom unless a Junior or Senior asked you. Edward didn't know it yet but the night of the formal was going to be 'the night.'

Much to my chagrin, he had held on stronger than I thought he would be able to. And almost one month later, meaning one month after the party at 'Blacks', he still hadn't caved. Whereas, I was ready to burst.

I appreciated his stance on wanting to make my first time meaningful and what not but I could tell he, or his body actually, was growing impatient. His kisses were hungrier, and his touches definitely lingered longer than the usual. Without saying it, his actions let me know he was just as ready as, if not more than, me.

After my ass started hurting from the stairs, I decide to lurk around the kitchen doorway. I would peek my head in and out, watching my mom as she bustled around cooking and cleaning. Her back was to me the entire time but after a few minutes she called me out.

"I hope you never consider a career in espionage."

I laughed softly and walked further into the kitchen. "How'd you know I was standing here?"

Turning around to face me, she boasted, smugly, "I knew you were out there from the entire time you were sitting on the stairs. Did you need something?"

I took in a deep breath and started fidgeting with some of the magnets that were on the fridge, before I answered, "I was just wondering if it would be okay for me to stay at Rosalie's house next weekend. Since we'll be going away on vacation—"

Before I could say anything else, my mother interrupted what we both knew was going to be a somewhat elaborate lie. "Isn't the Winter Formal next weekend?" I looked over in her direction and nodded. She pursed her lips but didn't say anything else.

What followed was a strange moment where she just stood there staring at me, and the intensity of her gaze, as if she was appraising me, made me nervous. I was doing my best to maintain eye contact—determined to hold my ground. But when the buzzer on the oven chimed, and my mom turned around and pulled out a tray of brownies, our non existent discussion was momentarily forgotten and my mouth started to water.

"I was going to watch a movie while I waited for your dad to get home. Did you want to join me?"

"Sure."

I was tempted to point out that she hadn't answered my question but I knew it wasn't a good idea. The hidden tone of her voice showed me this was important to her and I didn't want to ruin whatever she had planned.

Without asking what I wanted to watch she popped in a movie and I immediately knew which one. I smiled and snuggled up to her just like I did when I was 10 years old and watched it for the first time.

The way we were acting you would have thought we _were_ actually seeing it for the first time; laughing and crying at the appropriate times even though I pretty much knew it by heart. It didn't matter though; watching Macaulay Culkin get swarmed by bees doesn't get easier with time. When the credits rolled I could feel my mom's eyes on me. I looked up to see she had a wistful look in her eyes.

"I remember when you were little and you had a crush on Royce," she began, reverently.

But I gasped and almost fell off the couch. "Mom! Do not ever repeat that out loud."

"What? It was cute."

"Yeah, when we were five. Not now when he's a douchebag."

"Regardless. I remember it and I remember he was your first kiss."

I groaned. She was killing me here. Growing up in a small town, everyone goes through their phases. And even though Royce was a complete ass now, he used to be really cute and sweet. In fifth grade, he was my first boyfriend and first kiss. Not with tongue, but first kiss nonetheless. I had rushed home and told my mom all about my new boyfriend and how he kissed me on the playground after asking me to be his girlfriend. She had laughed it off but my dad almost had an aneurysm. That was when the dating age rule was implemented.

"You used to tell me everything." She went on. "Now, I feel like I don't know anything that's going on with you."

I frowned at the sad undertone of her voice. "I tell you things, Mom."

"Not like you used to."

"Well, now there's more …"

"More to tell?" she hedged.

"Kind of," I muttered.

"I can understand that." She nodded. "Even if I was given the option at your age, I don't think I would have told your grandmother about my sex life, either."

I wanted to die but I didn't want to hurt her feelings either. She had always done everything she could to make sure I was comfortable to talk to her about anything and everything. I didn't want her to think it was all for nothing. "Uh, I don't have a sex life."

"No, but you're thinking about changing that." I didn't confirm her statement because I didn't need to. "I'm not going to tell you, you can't stay at Rosalie's house. We both know if there's something you're out to accomplish, I won't be able to stop you."

"Technically you can," I corrected her. If she told me I couldn't stay the night out I wouldn't because I wasn't at the stage where I was into outright rebellion and defiance. The fight and punishment afterward didn't seemed worth it to me.

She shook her head and gave me a soft smile, running her hands through my hair. "It'll only delay certain things for a little while. Not impede them all together."

"So, you're not giving me permission, but you're not saying no either?" She nodded. "That doesn't really make sense just in case you're wondering."

"Makes perfect sense to me."

So that's what I was left with for the rest of the week. I wouldn't say it was a trick, but in a way it was, as I seemed to be stuck in a 'there's a lesson to be learned' situation. When I tried complaining to Edward about it he smiled, a little too relieved, and suggested we don't go to the formal at all. How not getting straight out permission to stay out for the night correlated to skipping the dance all together—I wasn't sure.

"If you knew what I had planned for afterward, you wouldn't be so keen on trying to get out of it."

"What do you have planned?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I teased him.

In the end, I asked my mom if she could extend my curfew. The look in her eyes showed, though she still had some reluctance about the situation, she was proud with the decision I came up with. It really wasn't a big decision, to be honest. I just didn't see the point in using Rosalie as a front when we both knew what was really going to happen. My father remained blissfully ignorant to my plans, however. There was just no way he would be as understanding as my mom was.

In truth, I could tell this whole thing was a little much for her, but she was really trying to put herself back in my shoes. Though she never let me roam free with no rules and restrictions, she didn't keep me on a tight leash either. Her reason being—had my grandparents not been so strict with her, she wouldn't have had to sneak around with my dad so much. Therefore, getting pregnant with me at her young age might not have happened.

When the day of the dance came and I heard the doorbell ring, signifying Edward was here to pick me up, I ran down the stairs almost skipping a few along the way. I was thankful my dress and heels didn't get in my way.

"Damn." My parents and I both looked over at Edward. Though, my father had a scowl on his face while mine held a big smile. Edward cleared his throat. "I mean, wow. You look great, Bella."

"Thanks." I smiled. "For someone who didn't want to go, you sure clean up nicely." He brushed his shoulders off and I let out a loud laugh. When I had all but forced him to go to the dance, his biggest hang up was he was not wearing a suit and tie. I had to pick what I wanted to see him in. Suit or tie. I voted for suit. So that's what he was in—dark gray slacks, dark grey suit jacket, and black button down shirt. My dress was short and black with a grey sash around the middle. We coordinated perfectly. With flashes going on behind us, Edward put on my corsage and my mother helped me pin his boutonniere. It was safer that way.

When I reached to grab my small duffel bag both my father and Edward looked at me in confusion.

"Change of clothes," was all I offered. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see my mother shaking her head at my dad, silently telling him not to ask.

After saying goodbye to my parents, Edward grabbed my bag for me and walked me outside. I was giddy but stopped in confusion when I didn't see his souped up Civic waiting. I looked at him for explanation.

"My mom let me use her car for the night but I had to agree to us stopping by her job on the way to the school," he explained, holding the door open for me to get in.

I moaned when my back made contact with the leather seat of his mother's Lexus.

"What's the likelihood of me hearing that sound again soon?"

I looked up at him and smirked. "Oh, you'll hear it. And sooner than you think."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh."

He grinned but didn't say anything else as he walked to the other side of the car and climbed in. The grin stayed on his face, and the smirk stayed on mine, as we drove to the hospital where Esme worked as a nurse.

She beamed at us when we walked through the door, fretting over Edward's clothes and hair and announcing to anyone in hearing radius that he was her son and I was his girlfriend. She was so proud of him and whether he admitted it or not, he was a total momma's boy. For a brief second my heart ached for him. We all knew his dad wasn't in the picture but I was never sure what the story was. From him being a murdering ex-con, to a 300 year old vampire that doesn't come out in the sun, I'd heard it all as far as his dad's whereabouts were concerned. But since he never brought him up, I didn't ask. It wasn't something that was easily brought up in conversation without looking nosy as hell.

After several rounds of pictures—some with me and Edward, some singles, and even a couple with me and Esme—as well as many promises to be safe we were finally set free.

When we got back in the car Edward sat staring at me without starting the car.

"You're up to something, I can tell."

"Huh?"

"Something's up. What are you planning?"

I was done with trying to keep things secret and I finally broke. "Well, I was thinking after the Formal, or if maybe you wanted to leave early, we could spend some time together at your house."

"Sure." He shrugged. "If you want ..."

"Your mom's working 'til the morning, right?"

He started to nod but then stopped and looked over at me. "Bella? By 'spend time together,' you mean ..." I nodded with a small smile on my face and he returned it. "Okay, then." I was almost bouncing in my seat. For a second I was worried he might try and convince me to wait.

When we got to the school, the parking lot was packed with cars as well as students, and parents, who were outside taking pictures.

As Edward helped me out of the car I immediately started looking around to see who was there. I was excited but trying to keep calm; however, that all went to hell when my eyes landed on Alice. She hadn't been sure she would be allowed to go, so this was more than a pleasant surprise. I went tearing through the parking lot, not showing much mercy for anyone in my way.

"It was totally last minute." She grinned when I made my way over to her. "It sucks 'cause I don't have a date or anything, but ..." she squealed and pulled me into a hug. "This is going to be so much fun!"

During our loud greeting the rest of the gang walked over. The girls politely greeted Alice and for that I was thankful. Since Thanksgiving they had definitely warmed up to her. Well, it was more that they tolerated her versus becoming close friends but it was better than nothing. We took a few dozen pictures, all in varying silly poses before we were called to go inside.

The gym had been completely transformed and it was clear whoever planned this dance definitely didn't have a sway in the decision from Halloween. These decorations were subdued and tasteful, simple yet almost magical looking; as cheesy as that sounds.

Similar to what I hear it's like at the prom they also served a sit down dinner first. I wasn't hungry and it didn't look like the girls were eating much either so I asked them all to come with me to the bathroom. Not seeming to sense anything was up, they readily agreed and the guys didn't seem to be concerned about being abandoned; more focused on stuffing their faces with the bland chicken that was being served.

As we focused in on our reflections in the mirror and freshening up our makeup, I fought to keep the smile off my face. It was a nervous smile but it was there. Alice was the first to notice.

"What are you grinning about?" she asked from my right, drawing the attention of Rose and Jane who were standing to my left.

"Nothing," I answered with a fake air of innocence to my voice, but my lips shook while fighting the smile. I wanted to tell them, in fact I had every intention to when I asked them to accompany me in the bathroom, but for someone reason I stopped myself. I wasn't above 'kissing and telling' at the time—not when my best friends were concerned—but this was different. This needed to stay between me and Edward. At least until after something really happened. They didn't push me to give up any details but the looks in their eyes told me they had a feeling of what was going through my mind.

A few minutes later, the girls announced they were going back to our table but I took a minute to myself. I knew this was essentially the only time I would have to myself and I needed to steel my nerves a little as thoughts of Edward shutting things down plagued the back of mind. For my own good or not, I don't think my ego could handle anymore. All those insecurities dissolved, however, when I saw how his face lit up when I walked back to our table.

Once we were done with 'dinner,' and the music started, I was pleasantly surprised with how little fuss Edward put up to get on the dance floor. That's where we spent the majority of the night but as things started to slow down, it was clear we were both getting a little restless.

"So, you ready to go?" Edward whispered in my ear, as we swayed side to side in tandem with the ballad playing in the background. There was still about a half an hour left of the dance but I was more than ready; if not anxious.

The ride to Edward's was silent as we exchanged shy glances and smiles back and forth. When we walked in the house he led me straight to the basement that doubled as his room but looked like a little apartment with the way it was set up.

Directly opposite the staircase we descended, was another door I could tell led outside. In one corner of the room was his—rather large for a teenage boy—bed. The other corner a couch and large TV. In between them an expansive shelf that held what looked like a hundred books as well as CD's and assortment of pictures atop it.

"Wow, it's really nice in here," I complimented him, taking in the strange mural that seemed to be painted on his ceiling. "What's that?" I pointed up.

A look of pride came on his face as he set my bag down and told me to close my eyes. I arched an eyebrow at him, causing him to roll his eyes. "Just close your eyes, babe. It's not like I'm gonna try anything funny. I just wanna show you something." I quickly obliged, though, for some reason, I was trying to act put out about it. "Are they closed?"

"Yes," I huffed, while fighting a grin at his boyish voice. Whatever he was about to show me had him more excited than I think I'd heard him up until this point.

"Okay. Open 'em."

I did, and my mouth gaped. "Holy ... "

"I know right." He beamed. "It took me a whole weekend to do this."

His room had morphed into what I would compare to one of those funky outer space imaginarium exhibits. It looked like someone had spent a long time tracing, and creating intricate designs all over his walls and ceilings with elaborate paint that, apparently, was only one hundred percent visible with the help of special lighting.

Wait ..."Did you say you did this?"

"Yeah?" he answered me with a small voice.

"It's ... wow, Edward."

"Thanks." He smirked, all shyness gone from his voice and posture. The air shifted then and I found myself biting my bottom lip and giving him a look that seemed to make his eyes darken a little. "Um …" He scratched the back of his head. "I'm gonna get something to drink. Want anything?"

"Surprise me!"

He nodded and walked out of the room, completely bypassing the little fridge that was nestled next to the couch.

The lingering look he gave me over his shoulder, as he made his attempted hasty exit, had me quickly changing out of my dress the minute he was out of the room. I wasn't sure how things were going to go down but I didn't want the awkwardness of him struggling with it to get in the way. I was down to my bra and underwear and bending down in my duffle when I felt him come stand behind me and run his hand down my backside. I sucked in a breath of surprise and stood up rod straight. He brought his hands around my waist but the cold from the bottle of water in his hand rubbing against my skin made the muscles in my stomach clench and my entire body shiver.

"You all right?" I gulped and bobbed my head up in down in answer, my throat suddenly dry. "Good." He kissed the side of my neck, behind my ear. "I'm gonna put on some music."

I nodded again, still not finding my voice. He moved away to his radio and soon the air was filled with a mix of slow jams. I looked over my shoulder to see him pulling his shirt from his pants—his suit jacket was already off—and sitting on the edge of the bed. He leaned over and laid his arms on his legs while he stared at me silently.

"What?"

"Come over here." He patted the spot next to him.

I ditched my plans to get dressed and, even though I was a little nervous prancing around damn near naked, I went to sit beside him.

I started swaying a little bit as _'I'll Make Love to You' _started playing and Edward looked over at me with a smile on his face and started leaning his face close to mine. I met him halfway and we spent minutes just enjoying kissing each other.

It wasn't long before he wrapped his arms around me and started leaning me backwards against the bed. I planted my feet to scoot back further and brought him with me, hungrily seeking out his mouth. With our mouths attached, and his arms around my waist, he sat up and pulling me with him and turned down the corner of his comforter for me to crawl under. While I settled myself in the warmth of his bed Edward stood up and peeled the rest of his clothes off; leaving on his boxer briefs before climbing in next to me.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" I asked softly. We were just lying down listening to music and, despite my nerves with the cool and calm of the moment; I could easily see myself falling asleep in his arms before we could do anything.

"Surprisingly, yeah," he chuckled. "But don't get any Ideas."

"Don't worry. We have a few months before there are anymore dances for me to drag you to."

He chuckled and started trailing his fingers up and down my arms, then my sides and thighs. He tried to make a few jokes about the dance but feeling a moment of bravery I sat up and straddled his thighs. It was clear he was stalling.

"I'm ready," I told him softly but with a confident smile. He looked at me for a moment before sitting up and bringing his lips to mine.

There was nothing else left to say and it wasn't long before all our clothes were shed and he was lining himself with me, asking, for the dozenth time, if I was sure I was ready.

I remember holding my breath and gasping when he pushed and my body jerking back yet tensing at the same time. I remember it hurting like a bitch. But because Edward was sweet, and gentle, and loving, I remember thinking it was perfect. More so the feeling of being with him and taking our relationship to the next level than the actual act itself.

I fell asleep soon after and had resigned myself to stay the night at Edward's, and deal with the wrath of my mother in the morning, when I felt him shaking me awake.

"Come on, let's get you home."

"No," I grumbled, snuggling into the pillow. "I don't wanna. What time is it?"

"It's a little after one in the morning."

"Oh. Well, my mom extended my curfew." I reminded him.

"Yeah. And if you want her to do that again let's not take advantage of it okay?" I pouted but since I couldn't deny he had a point I got up and reached for my bag, fumbling to put on the pajama shorts and tank top I had brought with me. It was the closest thing to lingerie I owned.

"Uh ... I think you should put the dress back on instead."

"Why?"

"Just please? I'm a fan of bringing people home the same way I picked them up. With my luck your dad's waiting up for you and ..."

"Ah ... True." That wouldn't be fun or easy to explain, for sure. As I got dressed, my pout turned into a serious frown. I was sad to see the night end. Sensing my sadness, Edward pulled me into his arms.

"Tonight was fucking awesome."

I grinned against his chest, getting a strange urge to tease him. "Had that much fun at the dance, huh?" He held me tighter and I sighed. "I think this is one of those nights I wish could last forever, ya know?"

"You have no idea." His voice was gravelly and I had no idea what he was thinking but I didn't push to ask him to tell me why.

When I got home the lights were on outside but I was shocked to find my mom wasn't waiting for me inside. After turning off all the lights and making sure all the doors were locked, I crawled into bed ready to let sleep overtake me. Within minutes I felt my eyelids getting heavy and my body becoming dead weight but a rasp at my window had me bolting upright.

I shrieked and readied myself to scream for my life but I immediately relaxed when I heard Edward's muffled voice on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper shouted, opening the window and pulling him inside before he could fall to his death. There was what some would consider a fire escape on the side of the house my room was on, but it was so flimsy and shaky—and even a little rusty—that it was more of a death trap.

"You didn't think after what we did tonight, and with you leaving for L.A. in just two days, I was gonna be able to sleep without holding you all night did you?"

"Well ..."

He shook his head. "No way."

With a wide smile I locked my door before we both got into my bed, and Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me.

It was the final thing that solidified the night into perfection status and with the shit storm that was going to end up taking place in all our lives from that day forward—it was a night I would end up holding on to for a very long time.

* * *

**Well there's your warning folks ... things are gonna start picking up (in the angst and drama realm)... I had to give them a good foundation first though ya know, so they can handle it better when the things around them start falling apart!**

**Hope you liked it! I'll give ya some juicier lemons in the future but it really just didn't fit this chap... She's a virgin and he's not a pussy connoisseur yet, it woulda been terribly lame!**

**So what did ya think? Bring back some memories? I sure hope so! This chap in particular reminds me of a time I did go to my moms jobs to show her how I cleaned up before a homecoming dance I believe! Sigh, oh the memories.**

**Until Next time! Muah!**

**~Lo :-)**


	6. Chapter 6

***Six.***

Christmas break was my favorite for so many reasons. First, because it was the first real vacation we had once school started—I didn't count the measly two days we got off for Thanksgiving—and second, we always went to visit some family we had in California. I had no problem with not having a white Christmas when I was able to lay out on the beach in the middle of December.

The only downside this year was I didn't get a chance to talk much to the girls while I was away; only emailing them a few times. It was enough to keep us sated, but when I didn't receive a response after the New Year, I knew something terrible must have happened. When I had asked Edward if anything was going on, on a late night phone call a couple days before I was set to return home, he mentioned his mom and him had taken an impromptu trip to visit his grandmother and had no idea what was going on back home. He tried to assure me that they were all probably just busy but I knew something else was up.

I called Jane, Rosalie, and Alice repeatedly the day I got home but no one was answering their phones. The instinct to get annoyed at being ignored by my friends was stomped out by the sick feeling I had that something was about to go down.

Monday when we returned to school, there was a thick tension in the air as I walked through the hallways. I was at my locker when I noticed Jane barreling down the hall as if she was ready to charge at me. I was shocked but tried to remain calm as I braced myself.

"Where is she?" she hollered in my face. "Where's that lying whore you call a friend?"

"What? Jane what are you talking about?"

"Alice. Where the fuck is she?"

I rolled my eyes, and shaking my head I looked back in my locker. "Are we back to this again? I thought you got over your jealousy of me being friends with Alice?"

She slammed my locker shut and it barely missed my face, effectively snapping me out of the snide joke I was about to make. Momentarily forgetting Jane was supposed to be my friend, I lost it. "What the hell was that for?" I growled, forcefully pushing her away.

"This is about your little trifling friend crying rape and trying to ruin people's lives."

My eyes went wide, then narrowed into slits, then went blank.

"Jane, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Fucking Alice went out with James last weekend. He came home saying they had a good time but the next day the cops showed up at our door and took him to jail because your lying whore of a friend said he raped her."

"Oh my god," I gasped. "Is she okay?"

"Is she ... are you ... Bella, she's lying."

"How do you know that?"

"Because this is my brother we're talking about. James, the same James you've known almost all your life. What do you mean how do I know she's lying?"

I opened my mouth several times but was unable to answer.

"You mean you believe her?" she asked, beyond incredulous.

"I mean … "

"Unbelievable."

"Jane, wait," I called after her as she stormed away. "Jane, come on." I grabbed her arm pulling her back. "I'm sorry. I just … I haven't even heard anything about this yet. So I can't say what I believe or don't. But, if Alice is saying something happened that she didn't want to happen? I'm sorry, but I just don't see a reason for her to lie about that."

I've never seen Jane's eyes full of so much fury. "If you think James could ever do something like that to someone. Then you're dead to me," she sneered, walking away. This time, I didn't call out for her.

The rest of the day, the school was abuzz. Between whatever allegations were going around about Alice and James, to the fight Jane and I had over it … there was a lot of gossip for everyone to sink their teeth into. I tried my best to ignore it all, passing it off as malicious hearsay but there was no denying that _something _happened.

I tried, several times, to get in touch with Alice via the school's payphone but she wasn't answering her phone. At lunch, I hid in the library not wanting to deal with any of it but was unable to escape the whispering. My only solace would have been Edward but he was nowhere to be found. Chancing the risk of a major grounding, I skipped out of school early and walked home. The normal five minute drive equaled an almost 30 minute walk and by the time I strolled through the door I was both mentally and physically exhausted from the day.

I wanted nothing more than to take a shower and throw myself into bed, but when I got inside and I found both of my parents waiting for me at the kitchen table, I knew my mental exhaustion was just beginning.

"Guys," I mumbled. "It's been a really long day, can we please talk later? I'll take whatever punishment you wanna give me for leaving school without permission, but—"

"I'm sorry, honey, but this can't wait." My father answered.

"Fine." I slumped in a chair.

"I assume you've heard about what happened with Alice and James?"

I heaved a sigh. "I've heard some things, yes. But I haven't spoken to her- so no."

"Sweetie." My mom reached over to grab a hold of my hand. "Alice has made some serious allegations against James. When you used to go over to the Chase's, did he ever make any advances towards you? Make you uncomfortable in anyway?"

I shook my head no.

My father cleared his throat, his voice almost cold and businesslike. "And Alice, I know you haven't known her for that long, but does she seem the type make up stories for attention?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, but again shook my head no.

"What is it?" I finally asked after watching them share a look I didn't understand.

"Bells, we're in a tough spot right now."

"Which is?"

"Both the Brandon's, and the Chases have asked permission to call on you as a character witness should this go to trial." My mother frowned.

"And," my father jumped back in. "The Brandon's have asked me to represent Alice."

My eyes went wide and my heart started breaking for everyone involved, which now included me and my father. "What did you say?"

"I haven't been able to give them an answer yet. James was always such a good boy, respectful and stayed out of trouble. But I don't take lightly to what he's being accused of. If it were you, I'd want the support and backing of my friends."

"But, the Chase's are your friends," I pointed out to him. "Your best friends at that."

"Whose son is currently being held without bond for a brutal assault on my daughters best friend."

"Brutal?"

My mom's frown deepened. "We went by to Alice earlier; she looks really bad, sweetie."

"Can I go see her?"

They seemed reluctant but from the look on my face, I'm sure they saw I wasn't really asking for permission. I needed to see my friend.

When we get to the Brandon's, Mrs. Brandon's mood was melancholy at best, but she offered me a sad and watery smile as I passed by her and headed straight for Alice's room.

I knocked on her door a few times but didn't hear a response at first. "Ali? Hun, it's me, Bella. Can I come in?" When I heard a muffled answer, not sure what it was but banking on it not being a 'go away' I pushed the door open slightly. What I was greeted with wasn't the Alice I came to consider one of my best friends in those past months. She was sitting up in her bed with a guarded expression on her face as if she didn't know me or what I was capable of. Her face was bruised and I had to do my best not to wince at the sight of her.

"Hey," I whispered, shutting the door behind me, but not inching further into the room; not sure if she wanted me there. "I brought you a shot glass from L.A." I tried to smile, resting it on the dresser next to me.

Her eyes glanced over at it than back at me and they softened a little. "I tried calling you while I was away," I stated while fidgeting, and wringing my hands together. "And when I got back yesterday, but—"

"I don't have my phone."

"Why?" I looked over and sure enough I noticed the phone that's normally right on her nightstand was missing.

"After the third death threat, my parents felt it was best not to have a way for people to call me," she answered in a flat monotone voice.

"I'm so sorry, Ali."

The little glare that was still in her eyes completely evaporated and she looked at me with nothing but pleading eyes mixed with fear and desperation. "B, you have to believe me. I didn't want any of this to happen."

"Of course not, sweetie. If James did something—" Alice started shaking her head and cut me off.

"I mean the cops; a possible trial - . All of this. I just want it to go away. I was ready to leave town, say fuck it all. But my parents … they're the ones who want this to become some big parade. I don't want any of it."

"But, Alice, if James did something—"

"No one's gonna believe me, Bella. No one believes me now. What's the point? I just want it all to go away. Is that too much to ask?"

I didn't think before I crossed over to the bed and pulled her into a hug. Holding on to her as she immediately crumbled against me, sobbing, I realized I didn't have an answer for her. So, instead, I rocked us back and forth and told her to let it all out and that I'd be here for her no matter what.

We stayed that way until Alice literally cried herself to sleep in my arms and I fought to keep my emotions in check. With a kiss to her forehead, I laid her head down, and wrote a quick letter to her that she can call me anytime and that I'll come back to see her after school tomorrow.

When I got downstairs, I found both set of parents sitting in the living room, somber looks on their faces.

"She's sleeping," I announced. "I'll bring by homework for her tomorrow."

"Thank you, Bella." Mr. Brandon smiled at me sadly. "Can you have a seat please?" I looked over to my parents, almost pleading but they didn't come to my rescue. So I had no choice than to sit in the chair across from them and listen to Alice's father reiterate their every intention of bringing James up on charges. The only good thing about what he had to say was the decision to seek counsel elsewhere as they didn't want my father to suffer the repercussions of a town divided. Me, though, they still asked that I agree to be called upon as a character witness.

"What if the Chases do the same?" Clearly my question caught them off guard as the entire room went silent. I didn't care. "What? It's the truth. If they call me up and ask me if James was ever violent or inappropriate with me, I'm gonna have to tell them no. It's the truth. He was never so much as rude to me."

"Bella," my mother almost scolds.

"What, mother? Alice doesn't want this. She just told me she doesn't want a trial and charges pressed against James and all that. Shouldn't this be about what she wants?"

"No, this is about making that punk pay for what he did to my daughter," Mr. Brandon snapped.

"And what happens at trial? What happens when she has to relive this and rehash every single detail of whatever happened and in front of everyone? What happens if they don't find him guilty? What's that gonna do to her?"

"Are you saying my daughter's lying?"

"With all due respect, sir, I would appreciate you not twist my words around."

"Okay, everyone needs to calm down," my father finally stepped in. "It's late and all of our emotions are running high. Let's just talk about this some other time. Bella, can you at least let the Brandon's know you'll think about it?"

I shook my head. I didn't need to think about anything. "If Alice doesn't want the hoopla, I won't get involved. I understand where you guys are coming from, and I'm sorry if this isn't what you expected out of me, but she's my priority at the moment. And all I want to do is be here for _her. _Until she expresses otherwise, please don't ask more out of me. Have a good night." I left the room with my held head high at my proclamation but on the inside I knew I was seconds away from crumbling.

Back at the house, I was thankful my parents seemed too exhausted to bother trying to discuss my stance on things any further. We all knew that no matter what I had to say, should things get to that point, I wouldn't be able to fight a subpoena. I was hoping, though, things never went that far.

I lied in bed that night, tossing and turning and feeling a sense of guilt. My thoughts wandered back to Thanksgiving and James and Alice flirting. Her parent's hesitancy to let her leave with us to go the party but the guys being our friends convincing them they could trust us. I didn't know the details of how she ended up with him the night of whatever happened, but I assumed that any permission she would have had from her parents would have stemmed from the trusting nature everyone gave James.

I almost felt sick remembering the few conversations I had with her and how special she felt that a college boy was showing so much interest in her. Beautiful and wanted as she was, she had major insecurities like the rest of us and it was clear—in some way shape or form—James used that to his advantage. In a brief moment, I wonder if befriending Alice was a mistake. Had we not become friends, she would have never met James.

It was late when I crept out of my room to escape the feeling as though the walls were closing in on me. All the lights were out and I could hear the light snoring of my parents coming from down the hall. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I knew I needed to get some fresh air. With bare feet I padded out to the porch and sat on the steps, staring up at the sky is if the answer to the meaning of life and why this was happening was going to fall on my lap. I wasn't there long before the sense of not being alone overcame me and my heart lurched in my throat when I saw a hooded figure walking up the driveway. I didn't have time to concoct any crazy fears of getting murdered though because I immediately recognized the gait of the person's steps.

"Edward! Oh my God."

I jumped off the steps and ran straight for him, throwing my arms around his neck and locking my legs around his waist. It should have scared me how something as simple as seeing him made almost everything else disappear, but it didn't.

"Shh. It's okay, bay. It's okay." I hadn't realized I had been weeping until his words of comfort hit me. "It's okay. I promise, it's all going to be okay." He held me tightly, almost too tight for me to breathe but I didn't care. The emotions of the day were all piling on top of me, making me feel as if I was drowning, and in that moment he was my life preserver. "Let's go inside," he whispered. I choked out an 'okay' refusing to let him put me down. I assume we were stealthy in our movements to sneak back in but I didn't pay attention. All I remember was Edward lying me down and climbing in behind me trying to comfort me as I cried, for the first time that day. I let the tears fall for my best friend and the hell she was probably going through. The hell I knew we were all about to go through. And for the friend I knew I just lost.

The next day passed by in the same fashion: with gossip, rumors, and drama. From the ones who sided with James, to the ones who sided with Alice, things happened exactly how the Brandon's predicted. The town became divided.

* * *

"How's Alice?" Edward had asked me on our way home from school.

The week had been hell with all the drama going on and by Friday it showed no signs of slowing down. I had secretly hoped something incredibly random happened over the weekend. Like Pastor Webber getting caught boning Mrs. Cope the new choir director or something. That was the only way Alice would be getting some reprieve when she returned to school on Monday, but I knew nothing short of the second coming of Jesus would take everyone's minds off of what was going on. As usual, the rumors had spun out of control and I was sick to my stomach at some of the things that were conjured up.

I shook my head to snap myself out of my thoughts and turned to answer him, "She's okay. Well, as okay as can be, I guess." I frowned. "I tried going to see her yesterday, but I'm pretty sure her dad hates me now. He wouldn't let me past the threshold of the door."

"Wanna swing by now? Maybe yesterday was just a bad day?"

I appreciated his attempt to make me feel better but I knew it wasn't the case. I agreed anyway. "Yeah, I guess stopping by wouldn't hurt."

When we pulled up to Alice's house I noticed, for the first time, there were no cars outside. I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll be right back," I told Edward giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Depending on who was home, a boy showing up at Alice's door just wasn't a good idea at the moment. I knocked on the door softly and almost leaped for joy when Alice opened the door with a small smile on her face. "Bella!" She pulled me into a bone crushing hug, with a force I hadn't realized she had.

I regretfully pulled away from her. "I can't stay too long. We just wanted to see how you were."

"We?"

I moved out of her way so she could see Edward's car as he rolled his window down and offered her a wave. "Do you guys want to come in?" she offered, but I shook my head.

"No, your dad made it clear I've made the shortlist of his least favorite people right now. I really just wanted to see how you were."

"Yeah, sorry about that, but thanks. I heard you really had my back the day you guys were over here. Thanks for not trying to push me to talk, or fight or whatever …"

I smiled at her encouragingly. "I'm here for you regardless." We talked for a few minutes before I told her to call me later and I made my way back to Edward. I heaved a massive sigh when I got in the car.

"What's up?"

"I just feel bad, you know? Her parents are putting so much pressure on her. I wish there was something I could do."

He pulled my hands, and kissed my palm. "You're a good friend."

"Am I?" I questioned him seriously. "I mean, should I be pushing her to fight and all that? Like her parents are?"

He paused for a second before he spoke and the look on his face was the look I knew to be him thinking how he should choose his words wisely. With his eyes on the road, and me staring intently at his profile he spoke softly, "I think that when it comes to certain things, and to the people we love, we always want them to fight back when someone hurts them or when something's hurting them. Alice is doing just that, only it's in her own way."

"I don't think I'm following."

"Okay, look at it this way. The way I see things, deep down you and her parents want the same thing; you want her to fight. Which I agree with 'cause that's the only way she'll probably get closure. Only thing is, her parents want her to fight James." I cringed at the mention of his name, and he squeezed my hand in apology. "While, you're content with standing by her as she fights her parents on what _they _want."

I wasn't completely following where he was going with his comment, but I tried to hedge on with the conversation. "So, do you think I'm wrong, though? Like, do you think maybe she's making the wrong choice and I'm enabling her?"

He snorted. "Do you think there's really a right or wrong choice in this situation?"

"Probably not." We, thankfully, dropped the conversation after that and slowly made our way to my house. "Can we go to yours instead?" I had been spending a good deal of the week avoiding my parents, mainly my mom, because I really just didn't feel like having any kind of heartfelt talk with her. She meant well, but I just couldn't deal. He hesitated at my request. "What? You don't want me to come over?" I was trying to sound teasing, but my heart did drop a little at the thought.

"It's not that."

"But?"

"Do you want to come over 'cause you wanna spend time with me—"

"Of course."

"—or is it 'cause you just don't want to go home?"

"You know I want to spend time with you."

"But you wanna avoid your house as well,. Right?"

"Stop the car."

"What?"

"Please? Just stop the car. Pull over."

He looked at me and frowned but did as I asked. As soon as we were on the side of the road, I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached over the center counsel, fisting his shirt to pull his mouth to mine. His voice when he asked me about just wanting to avoid my house made me feel like an uber bitch. Yes, there was a lot going on, and yes he was right about my avoidance plans, but that didn't mean my wanting to spend time with him was any less true. I had been so absorbed with the hell that had been our lives that I all but forgot we spent almost two weeks apart while on break and on edge this entire week.

I never thought of Edward as someone who needed reassurance and though our relationship wasn't technically struggling, my head had definitely not been in it these past few days. He had clearly felt the sting of it all.

"I'm sorry," I murmured against his mouth. "I know I've been out of it this week-"

"Don't apologize for that. I'm sorry I got a little emo."

I shook my head. "Let's go to your house. I _promise_I want to spend time with you."

He pulled away with a grin on his face but then it dropped. "You sure you wanna be doing all that? You know, with what's going on?"

"Let's not worry about all the shit life's throwing at us right now. Let's just be us for a little while and deal with the rest later. Please?"

He nodded his assent and we pulled back on the road going in the opposite direction of where we were coming from. When we got to his house, his mother's car was outside and my mood deflated a little. I had already started planning some things in my head that I knew couldn't go down with his mom home.

"Don't worry about her," he said sensing my mood. "It's not like she can hear what goes on in my room."

My face twisted a little but he just laughed and pulled me out of the car on his side.

"Hey, kids," Esme greeted us when we walked through the kitchen.

"Hey, ma."

"Hi, Ms. Esme."

"Going somewhere?" Edward asked her with a coked eyebrow. I wasn't sure how old Edward's mother was. She was obviously older than my mom, but still seemed pretty young. I thought she looked cute, but it was clear Edward was not as approving of her outfit. He was definitely overreacting though. She had on a pair of white Capri's with a fitted pink tank top and flat sneakers. Her hair was curled and makeup modest but it was clear she was going somewhere other than the grocery story.

"As a matter of fact," she sang. "I'm meeting a friend for a late lunch."

"Is that so?"

"Yes! So, while I'm gone you behave yourself okay? There's a casserole in the oven. Just heat it up when you get hungry. And don't wait up!"

"What!"

"Oh relax." She waved her hand in the air. "I'm just kidding. Well, not about the date thing, more the not having to wait up for me part."

"So it's a date or are you meeting with a _friend_?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, watching their banter with glee. It was a reprieve from the gloom of the hallways and the tension hanging in the air of my house. A little while later, Esme all but danced out of the house throwing another teasing remark over her shoulder at Edward that she won't do anything he wouldn't do.

"That's what I'm worried about," he mumbled under his breath when she was out of earshot, or so he thought.

"Good! Now you'll know how it feels! Have a good day, Bella!"

"You too, Ms. Esme!" I called out with a snicker. "Your mom is too funny." I laughed looking back at him.

"To you maybe," he grumbled, pulling me to him and dropping his forehead on my shoulders. I let out a breath and buried my face in his chest, relishing in his scent and the calm of the moment. It felt like the first time I had been able to breath easy in days. "Next week will be better," he said without prompt. "You'll see."

I wished he was right, but in the end he couldn't be more wrong.

Because by the end of the following week, we would have a world of other issues to deal with—Issues that could have been prevented had we been more careful.


	7. Chapter 7

**I had slowed down the re-posting to spare your inboxes ... but now it's time to catch up :-)**

* * *

***Seven.***

"You ready?" I asked Alice, holding onto her hand. We were seated in the backseat of my mother's car and this would be her first day back to school in over a week.

She shook her head no. "I can't face them. I can just imagine all the things they're gonna say."

"They're gonna talk about you whether you're here or not." I reminded her sadly. "And you can't miss any more school. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think? Who knows what went down this weekend that everyone might be talking about."

I was trying to be comforting and encouraging, but in the end, the only reason it wasn't as bad as she thought was because it ended up being worse.

Alice had prepared herself for the whispers and stares, and with me and Edward flanking her sides, she was able to deal with most of it with her head held high. She probably would have made it through the entire day intact if the teachers hadn't decided that today, of all days, was a good day to have an assembly about respecting each other and blah, blah, blah. Assemblies were torture on any day, but with the subject matter, it was an invitation for fuckery in my eyes. Half way through the assembly, Jane and her new group of lackeys decided to start making snide remarks, but not making them loud enough for everyone to hear.

Not catching the hidden connotation in their words and too astounded people were actually listening and participating, it took a few comments before the teachers and other staff caught on to the things they were saying.

"I think people should respect themselves first, Vice Principal Volturi. Girls shouldn't offer to go down on a guy then get shocked when he tries to take it further," one of the girls, Kate Smith, shouted, causing Alice to tense next to me.

"Yeah," Carmen Hall jumped in. "Or actually let him pull his pants down, then decide it's time to stop and cry rape."

With that, Alice jumped up and ran out of the auditorium, me hot on her heels. The minute we made it out into the hallway, she collapsed to the ground and was a crumpled pile on the floor.

"She's right," she wailed. "I thought . . . I thought I could. I thought I wanted him to, but-but I changed my mind. I should've just went with it. All this wouldn't have been going on."

"Alice."

"I-I went down on him, Bella. I got naked and climbed in bed with him." Her words were coming out choppy, and I was struggling to keep up with what she was saying. "It hurt." She hiccupped. "That's . . . that's the only reason I asked . . . asked him to stop. But he wouldn't. He kept going even when I told him it hurt and I didn't like it. I tried to push him off of me and when he wouldn't get up, I slapped him. That's why he started punching me. I started it. I started all of it."

"But you said no, right?" We both turned around to Rosalie standing there. I narrowed my eyes, shielding Alice from her. There were people that were vocal throughout the past week about 'whose side they were on', and some who openly declared they were staying neutral. Rosalie, however, had been one of the most indifferent, choosing to remain quiet while staying away from _both_ me and Jane. I wasn't sure what was going on in her head, but I knew she could be a little cruel at times. If she so much as looked at Alice sideways, I was going to pounce. "Did you say no?" she urged.

Alice nodded.

"Then that's all that matters," she told her sternly, coming to kneel on the floor in front of us. "If you said no, that's all that counts, not what happened beforehand. Anything after you told him to stop, anything after you made it clear you didn't want him to go further, is on him." She wrapped her arms around Alice, essentially caging the three of us together in an awkward hug while she continued on with words of support and encouragement. When we locked eyes over the top of Alice's head, I knew Rosalie was speaking from sort of experience. My tears spilled over for the both of them.

We stayed that way for a little while before a guidance counselor—who saw us run out of the assembly—came looking for us and escorted us to his office.

"You ladies can stay here for the remainder of the hour. But when the bell rings, you need to return to your next period. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," we chorused out in sniffly voices.

There were only two seats and I leaned against the wall, letting Rosalie and Alice take them.

"Don't let those girls get to you. I know it's hard, but sometimes you just have to tune everyone and everything out. Even your best friends." Rosa looked over at me pointedly as she continued speaking to Alice.

"I'm sorry," Alice whispered, understanding the meaning behind Rosa's words. "I know Jane is you guys' best friend. I don't know what it must be taking for you to stand by me right now when you should be standing by her."

Rosalie shook her head. "We're standing by what's right. Friend or not, the things Jane is saying and doing are wrong. She's always been very 'protective' of her brother, never wanting to see what she doesn't want to."

I couldn't hold in my curiosity any longer. "Rosa, what happened? The way you're talking, it's like you know—"

"The wrath of Jane?" She snorted. "Yeah, I know a little something about that. That and James', ah . . . not so gentlemanly side."

I walked over and leaned on the edge of the desk to give her my undivided attention. I didn't need to speak; I gave her a look that let her know she needed to spill it. She sighed, and rubbing her fingers on the side of her head, she began to explain.

"Remember that sleepover we had, the one you didn't go to 'cause you were sick?" I nodded, remembering. "Did you ever wonder why we never really talked much about it and then pretty much didn't speak for months after that? Jane and I?" I nodded again. "And remember how Victoria wasn't the devil yet and Jane still thought the sun shined out of her new and young step-mother's ass?"

"Oh my God, Rosa. Yes, I remember. Just please spit it out already."

"Sorry, sorry." She grimaced, knowing she had a way of getting sidetracked and being very long-winded. "Okay, so that weekend we had been playing truth or dare, right. I got a stupid one like 'go and steal one of Victoria's bras and take a picture with it while in her bathroom' or something lame like that. While I was in there, I heard voices and ran to hide down the hall. I saw James and Victoria going into the room, and well, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was smart enough to know something did."

"Okay …" I waved my hands in the air for her to continue.

"So, anyway. I didn't think they saw me, but later that night when I was in the kitchen getting something to drink, I ran into James. He was . . . well, a little weird to be honest. I think he had been drinking. He kinda cornered me and started kissing and feeling all over me."

"Rosalie," Alice choked. But she shook her head.

"It didn't go further than that. At first I was kinda, I don't know . . . excited he was showing me attention. I mean, we had all had a crush on James for years. But when it started feeling a little skeevy, I told him to stop. Thankfully, he did. But not before he told me I better not tell anyone what happened or what I saw earlier in the day."

"Is that why you never said anything to us about it?" I asked, referring to me and Jane.

"No, I told Jane. She called me a liar and said I was jealous of her life and was just trying to ruin it, that I couldn't handle the fact she had two mothers who loved her now and a brother everyone wanted." Rosalie rolled her eyes, but I could tell the hurt was still there. "After her reaction there was no way I was going to tell you. I couldn't handle you calling me a liar either, so I kept it to myself."

My heart broke a little at her comment, and I started to wonder if there was anything I had ever done to make her think I would ever react that way toward her. "That would have never happened," I whispered sadly.

Before she could respond to me, the bell, always with its impeccable timing, rang. All three of us groaned and let out a series of profanities under our breaths.

Rosa stood up and reached her hand out to Alice and then me. "Ready?"

Nodding, we hooked our arms together, showing a united front as we walked out of the office. We didn't get far before we all stumbled forward a little at the strength of someone pushing Alice. The three of us spun around, and Rosalie and I immediately blocked her behind us as we came face-to-face with Jane.

"I hope you're happy," she shouted at Alice but had to scream over mine and Rosalie's shoulders. "You've ruined _everything_. And you—" she looked at me and Rosa. "How could you just believe her lies? You've known me for years, _years_ and you're letting someone who's been around for months come in and make a mockery out of me and my family, my brother."

"Yeah, 'cause we all know James is a saint," Rosa snapped back.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't try and sit up here and act like you don't know. Your brother doesn't seem the type to take 'no' for an answer."

Jane barked out a laugh as a small crowd started to gather around us. "Please. As if either of you would ever say no to him."

"I did," Alice whispered from behind us, but it was loud enough for Jane to hear and remember who her target was. Without warning, she attempted to reach over our shoulders to get to Alice, but Rosalie was quick to react, grabbing Jane's arm and pushing her away. Soon both girls were tumbling to the ground, screaming, kicking and fighting. When I saw Carmen attempting to come to Jane's rescue, as Rosa clearly had the upper hand, I was done sitting on the sidelines. It became a chaotic mess of limbs, hair pulling and punches before I heard voices telling us to stop and arms wrapped around my middle pulling me off the ground.

"Let me go," I shouted.

"Baby, shhh. Stop."

In that moment, even the sound of Edward's voice couldn't calm me down as I thrashed against him. I looked up to see Rose fighting against Royce as well. I'm not sure where they had come from, 'cause I hadn't seen them in the assembly.

"What the hell is going here?" Officer Gerandy came rushing out with a few teachers behind him. Everyone started talking at once and with me and Rosa not calming down, it didn't take long for them to figure out what was happening.

"My office. Now." Vice Principal Volturi came out of nowhere.

Jane and Carmen had the decency to at least look ashamed, but Rosa and I didn't. With a smug look at Carmen's black eye that was already forming, and a few scratches on Jane's face—Rosa and I walked with our escorts, clearly feeling whatever punishment we were about to get was worth it.

* * *

"Suspended, Bella. Really? You got suspended?"

I cocked an eyebrow at my dad, wondering if this was a question that needed answering.

"For fighting of all things." He continued. "Since when did you fight? Since when did you …" I tuned out his voice, running my tongue over the small split in my lip. I wasn't going to apologize for sticking up for my friend and standing up against someone who was bullying her. If he chose not to ask questions and get my side of the story, as he did with everyone else given his profession, I wasn't going to volunteer the information either. Nothing would change the fact I did indeed get suspended for fighting. Fact is fact.

After a moment or two, he must have realized I wasn't listening and stomped off, grumbling something under his breath. My mother sighing is what brought me out of my trance of blocking everything out.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" I shook my head no. "You know your father's not mad right? He's just disappointed." I shrugged, wanting to care but not finding it in me to. "You never caused problems before." She continued, trying to engage me. "Granted, we know things have been really on edge for everyone lately but—"

I stood up and cut her off, knowing this was the opening she had been waiting for all week. I still wasn't ready to have a heart-to-heart talk with her about it all.

"If I could just have my punishment, I'd like to go to bed."

"Bella."

"Please, Mom." With a deep frown, she nodded her head and said we'd talk more about things later.

I shuffled to my room, sighing with relief when I saw my bed. I was beyond exhausted—from what I assumed was the adrenaline from the fight—so despite the sun blaring behind my window, I was quick to fall asleep.

The next day I woke up late, almost relishing in the ability to sleep in on a school day. I almost laughed at how I felt. This was my first suspension, and though I should have been feeling guilty or punished, it felt like a little vacation. A much needed vacation.

When I finally climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen, there was a note from my mother tacked to the refrigerator.

**_Isabella,  
We need to talk. We didn't discuss you being grounded, but  
I hope it's understood you are not to go anywhere and  
are to have no guests. I expect you waiting  
when I get home from work._**

**_Your mother._**

I cringed at how her disappointment radiated off the page, and then I huffed and sighed. I know she meant well, but talking to her was way down on the list of 'things I want to do anytime soon'. I won't even say it was a tie with going to the dentist. Sharp objects coming near my teeth sounded pretty damn appealing at the moment in comparison.

I made myself some food, if you count cookies and brownies that, and plopped myself on the couch, preparing for a movie day. It was already a little after noon, and her shift at the daycare she worked at ended at three so I planned to enjoy the little time I had until the impending doom of a lecture.

After moving around the living room from one chair to the other and the couch to the floor—in an attempt to get comfortable—the doorbell rang.

With my legs resting on the couch and my back flat on the floor, I had no intention of getting up.

"Come in!" I shouted. Why? I'm not sure since the door was locked.

"Really? And how do you suppose we do that?" I squealed at the sound of Rosalie's voice and rushed to the door. I was happily surprised when I saw she wasn't alone.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked with a wide smile, looking between her, Alice, and Edward.

"We came to spring you." Alice smiled.

"You guys aren't in trouble?" After all, we all had gotten suspended. Well, Rosa and I did. Alice was more of a 'maybe you should take some time away from school'. It was a suggestion versus a 'punishment'. As for Edward. "And why aren't you in school, sir?"

He shrugged and pecked a kiss on my cheek. "I have study hall last period." The three of us whipped our heads around and stared as we waited for him to acknowledge how full of shit he was, but he wasn't fazed. "Hey, were you making cookies?" He was half way to the kitchen before I was even able to answer him.

"So, how you guys doing?" I turned my attention back to the girls, pulling them into the living room.

Alice sighed. "My dad's super pissed, saying you guys fighting is gonna 'cause issues or whatever, make it look like I hang out with a bunch of troublemakers. We got into a huge fight and my mom was even angry with him. Things are tense."

I frowned. "I'm sorry—"

"Don't you dare apologize, B," she snapped a little, then hung her head, and whispered, "You guys got into trouble standing up for me. I'm the one who should be sorry. None of this would be happening if I wasn't so stupid."

I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and pulled her so her head was on my shoulder. "You can't think like that, Alice," I told her in a comforting tone. The three of us got quiet for a second, lost in our thoughts, when Edward loudly broke the silence.

"Okay! So I brought milk and ice cream, and . . . what?" he asked when he took a look at all of the scowls on our faces at him for ruining our moment. He slowly started walking out of the room backwards when I caught sight of all of the crap in his hands.

He was attempting to juggle the tray of cookies, a gallon of milk, and a tub of ice cream, along with cups and bowls. With a wide smile, I stood up from the couch and helped him set the things down on the coffee table.

"Thanks." I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him, attempting to strengthen the kiss, but the gagging noises coming from the girls snapped him out of it. Now it was his turn to shoot them a scowl.

"Jealous," I teased, sticking my tongue out at them.

Rosalie frowned. "Actually, I am."

"And why would that be?" I cocked my head to the side.

She sighed heavily. "Liam and I broke up."

"Oh my, God. What happened?" I immediately left Edward's side and rushed over to comfort her. As she began to rehash everything that had happened to them, one thing stood out in my mind. Well, two things actually. First and foremost, Liam was an asshole. Second, I'd really had my head up my ass this past week 'cause turns out she was going through a minor pregnancy scare and the asshole, formerly known as Liam, had went crazy and dumped her. I hadn't even realized I hadn't seen them together or taken into consideration the reason she was keeping to herself was because she was actually going through something.

"Thank God my period came though. Can you imagine?"

I shook my head a little, not to answer her question but to clear my thoughts. "But I don't get it. How did you have a prego scare when you're early?" I asked, knowing she had just gotten it the day before. Ever since we started our cycles, I hardly had to keep track of the exact day my period came. Jane would get hers, then literally the next day I would get mine. A few days later, normally on my last day, Rosa would get hers. "Overreact much?" I teased nervously, refusing to let my eyes see what was right in front of me.

She raised an eyebrow at me and her eyes were clearly saying, 'haven't you been listening this whole time?' But her mouth actually said, and very slowly, "Noooo . . . actually, I was like four days late this time."

Everything inside me felt like it turned to hot lava. My stomach churned and I felt bile rising to my throat and the blood drain from my face.

"Bell, are you okay?"

I looked over at Alice, almost as if I'd forgotten she was there, shook my head slowly and looked back at Rosalie. After staring at her for what felt like minutes and willing her to take back the information she just shared, I got up and walked over to the calendar that hung on wall. I counted once, twice, three times before I looked back at the girls.

"I'm late."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This is a long one**

***Eight***

* * *

"Late for what?"

I spun around, wide-eyed, and stared at Edward as he shoved another cookie in his mouth. Sometime during our discussion about Rosa and Liam, I noticed him slipping out of the room and I thank the Lord for that. I had only wished he would have stayed away a couple minutes longer.

"Babe? Late for what?" He repeated himself, sounding a little annoyed.

To be honest, I had every intention of lying to him—not knowing what to say—but Rosalie had other ideas, and jumped in to answer him with all the snarky glory she possessed. "Late for class, you jackass. What else would she be worried about? Obviously, her period."

"Rosalie," I hissed, ready to punch her in her throat, but she didn't seem phased.

"What? He claims to love you. He should know what's going on."

"Fucking Christ, Rosalie. Why are you such a bitch?" Edward snapped. "Don't you think that's something she should hear from me?"

I nodded in agreement. That's something I should have heard from him, same as I should have been the one telling him about being late, but both cats were out of the bag now.

"You love me?"

"You're pregnant?"

He nodded while I shook my head. "I'm not one hundred percent sure."

"But she is late."

I turned on Rosa again, ready to ream her out or at the very least, smack her upside her head, but Alice beat me to it.

"Allow me," she said simply and smacked her on the arm.

"Thanks."

Edward and I looked back at each other, the both of us fidgeting.

"How late are you?"

"A few days."

"Is that a lot?"

Yes, I was never late, but I didn't tell him that. "I don't know about _a lot_but ..." I trailed off and shrugged. Inside I was panicked but I didn't want to show him that. I was worrying enough for the both of us.

"Umm, I guess ... I guess you should ... ya know ... take a test or something?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "The sooner the better." Except I wasn't going to go buy one myself. I turned to face my girls. "Can one of you—"

"Yeah ... right."

"Hello no!"

"Guys," I whined. "Come on. Please? I can't walk into the store and buy a pregnancy test. I won't be out the door before it gets back to my dad." I knew this from experience, because once when I was 13, a friend who smoked had asked me to go and try to buy cigarettes for her. I didn't think it was a big deal, but the clerk literally called my dad right in front of me to let him know what I was up to—the perk of growing up in a small town. I didn't see the light of day for weeks after that. I'm sure this would earn me a one way trip to boot camp or a boarding school.

After a few minutes of back and forth, and none of the girls relenting, I knew what I had to do; with pleading eyes and my lips pouted, I turned to look at Edward.

"Fuck no!"

"Please, Edward? Please! You're the only one of us who can get away with it. I'm sure they won't think anything of it, or to call your mom like they would us."

"Right, 'cause the whole town doesn't know I'm your boyfriend." He scoffed. "It'll get back to Charlie just as quickly."

"If that happens, we'll lie and say it wasn't for me."

"So him thinking I'm cheating on you is a better alternative?"

I didn't have to think about it. "Better than thinking you got me pregnant? Yeah, I'd say that sounds pretty great in comparison."

He heaved a sigh. "Fuck. Fine, but you owe me."

"Owe you?" I raised an eyebrow in challenge and crossed my arms over my chest. "This is just as much for you as it is me if you wanna get technical."

He couldn't argue and after a few minutes, finally agreed to go and get the damn test. Twenty minutes later he came back to find me pacing around the room like a caged rabbit and threw a bag on the couch like it was on fire.

I rushed and looked through the contents. There was gum, a candy bar, and a pregnancy test. I frowned. "You only got one?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at me a little, and I couldn't tell if he was actually upset at my question or not. "Sorry. Next time I'll consult 'the guide to buying pregnancy tests'. I guess the rules about buying more than one is in the quantity section."

"Is that necessary?" I asked, in regards to his smart-ass-ness. For the most part it was something I had grown to tolerate, but this so wasn't the time.

"My bad," He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I'm just kinda freaking out right now."

I gave him a small smile to let him know I understood. "Okay, so let me just—" The sound of a car pulling up cut me off and had us all looking at each other. Panicked, I rushed to the window. "Shit my mom's home!"

Rosa grabbed the bag with the test and candy, and shoved it all into her purse in time for us to hear the front door opening.

"Bella?" My mom rounded the corner into the living room and a few emotions crossed her face at once. I could tell she was happy to see the girls, because she adored them, but at the same time, I knew I was getting ready to hear it 'cause she made it clear via her note— even though she didn't need to—I wasn't to have anyone over.

"Hi, Mrs. Swan," Edward, Alice, and Rosalie greeted her awkwardly.

"Kids." She nodded. "What are you doing here?"

Edward jumped in flawlessly. "We came to talk to Bella about a group project we have for Human Growth and Development." The girls and I winced and I'm pretty sure even Alice scowled at him. Was he trying to joke at time like this?

"Oh, what's the project about?" My mom asked. She looked genuinely interested. But before he could come up with something like, 'the stages of pregnancy or contraception,' I answered her.

"We haven't decided yet. We were just about to go upstairs and look through the book. Come on, guys."

"Bella?"

My mother's voice was full of warning. "I know. I'm not supposed to have guests. But this is about school stuff."

"Fine," she huffed.

Knowing that was going to be the closest to approval I was going to get, I grabbed hold of the hand closest to me—one that ended up being Alice's—and swiftly ran upstairs, hoping the others followed.

Even though it wasn't connected, I was lucky enough to have a bathroom right next to my room. So after reading the instructions, I quickly peed on the test and ran back in my room, setting it on top of my dresser on a piece of toilet paper. We all crowded around it.

"Okay . . . how do I know when it's ready?" I asked, leaning in closer.

"Well, I think the box said three minutes," Alice answered.

"Has it been three minutes?"

"How would I know?"

I picked up the test and examined it. One dark line and one faint one. "Okay, I think it's negative."

"Uh . . . that definitely looks like a positive to me," Rosalie said, grabbing it out of my hands.

"No, the second line isn't dark enough."

"Yeah, but it's still there regardless."

She was right and my heart started beating quicker than it already was. I was pretty sure if it was physically possible for your heart to beat out of your chest, mine would have by now. "Let's double check."

Lifting up the box, I started reading the instructions again, when I noticed the little date on the bottom corner.

"You got an expired test? Really, Edward?" He opened his mouth then closed it, I assumed to swallow the smart ass comment threatening to spill out. I glared at him in warning, he needed to reel that shit in. Sensing the tension rising, Alice and Rosalie jumped in.

"Wow. Was the clerk even paying attention?"Alice spoke first. "They shouldn't have sold it to you expired."

"I wonder if you could exchange it."

I think I threw up in my mouth a little. "Eww, Rosa. I already peed on it."

"So." She shrugged. "If people can return half-eaten meals and get their money back, you can return this too. Plus you won't even be asking for a refund, just to get a new one. One that's not defective." Ignoring the look of utter disgust on my face at the thought, she turned to look at Edward. "You have the receipt right?"

"Yeahhhh . . . about that. To have a receipt would imply I actually _bought_the test. And uh, I didn't."

"You stole it?" I screeched. "Who steals a freaking pregnancy test? I could have given you the ten bucks."

"Who sends their freaking teenage boyfriend to buy a pregnancy test?" He shot back. "I didn't want anyone to see me buying it just as much as you three didn't. I just happened to be out voted."

I groaned into my hands, fighting to hold in tears. This was getting ludicrous. Hearing my mother's footsteps coming up the stairs had us all in quick motion.

"Under the bed, under the bed," I hissed. Alice threw the box into the bag and threw it under my bed, while Edward threw himself to the other side of the room and propped open one of my textbooks on my desk. I'm glad he was so quick on his feet with that because I had already forgotten about the reason we told her we were coming up here in the first place.

"Everything okay?" My mom asked sweetly, poking her head through the door. We all chorused out a sing song 'yes' and from the look in my mother's eyes, I could tell she didn't buy it. She arched an eyebrow at us, then me. "Bella, I think it's time we talk. Say goodbye to your friends." They all nodded in understanding and I asked for a few more minutes. The minute she closed the door, I walked up to it and opened it to watch and make sure she was walking away before I closed the door and spoke again.

"Clearly we need another plan," I stated, looking over at the girls and then at Edward. "One that doesn't involve my boyfriend robbing mini-marts."

"Robbing? Really? That's a bit much don't you think? It's not like I walked in there with a ski mask and a piece."

I waved him off . . . the details were irrelevant at this point.

Rosa sighed. "Just go to Planned Parenthood. There's one the next town over, and the pregnancy tests are free there."

I nodded, knowing I didn't have much of a choice.

I walked them out and when they got in Edward's car, he lingered a little bit. I looked down, fighting to control my emotions. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I know this is the last thing we need right now. The last thing you need."

"Hey." He captured my chin in between his fingers, and lifted it up for me to look at him. "You know I'm not going anywhere, right? We're in this together." He rested his hands on my stomach. "And I'm pissed at Rosalie for opening her fucking mouth about it, but she is right. I do love you. What kind of dickhead would I be if I bailed on you?"

"How'd that even come up anyway?" I finally wondered, choosing to focus on his declaration about his feelings for me.

He lifted one of his shoulders. "On the way here, your girls grilled me. They asked me how I feel about you and I was honest. I told them I loved you," he told me sincerely. "And that I can't imagine being with anyone else."

I almost squealed, but instead I smiled up at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you, too!" With a lingering hand on my stomach, he kissed my forehead again before getting in his car.

When he drove off, I turned around and noticed my mother standing in the doorway with a hard look on her face.

"Mom?"

She snapped her head up, her lips in a tight line. "I'm going to start dinner. We'll talk after."

"Umm, alright."

I wanted to ask her if we could just talk now, not wanting to put off the lecture I knew was brewing in her mind, but I didn't bother. I went to my room and ended up missing dinner all together because I fell asleep—mentally exhausted from the revelations of the day.

The next day, Edward and I drove the almost 45 minutes to the Planned Parenthood that was completely out of our way. I knew there was another clinic of sorts closer to us, but I couldn't risk running into anyone we knew.

When I walked inside, after dodging a weird protester outside, I was barely controlling my breathing, but Edward, clasping our hands together, calmed me down. The woman at the counter was older but had caring eyes when I went to sign in.

"Hello," she greeted us with a warm smile. "How can I help you today?"

"Umm . . . I'm here for a _pregnancy test_." I lowered my voice as if I was uttering dirty and forbidden words.

She reached under her desk and handed me a small cup. "They'll need a urine sample. Go ahead and sign in, and the bathrooms are over there—" She pointed behind me "–There's a little cubby. Open the door and put the cup in there when you're finished."

I nodded to her in thanks. "Can you sign me in?" I looked at Edward. He nodded and placed a quick kiss on my forehead.

When I got back out to the lobby, after handling my business in the bathroom, Edward was holding a seat for me. I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his knee. It was bouncing so hard I could feel his seat shaking next to me.

"Ms. Naws?" A nurse came out a few minutes later. I looked around the waiting room as she continued to call out to an unknown person. Huffing, she called out again. "Ms. Naws! Miss . . . Allebasi Naws?"

"Oh, that's you." Edward stood up, pulling me by my hands.

"Huh?"

"I signed you in. Come on."

Following behind him, I offered the nurse a confused smile. "Miss Naws?" she asked again, glaring at me a little.

"Yes," Edward snapped on my behalf.

After taking my vitals and having a bit of a glaring contest with Edward, the nurse informed me the doctor would be in to see me shortly.

"Naws?" I looked over at him.

"It's your name spelled backwards." He shrugged. I rolled my eyes but other than that had nothing to say. We stayed silently waiting and as the minutes ticked by the air around us got tense. I think the weight of what was going on and where we were, was finally catching up to us.

Before I could ask Edward exactly what was going through his mind, the doctor came in with a new nurse behind him. One that looked a lot friendlier than the old hag that called us up.

"Ms. Naws," the doctor greeted me with a small. "What brings you in today?"

"Uh ..." I paused, not wanting to repeat myself and also not being able to choke the words out.

"She might be pregnant," Edward answered, when it was clear I wasn't going to.

The doctor turned to look at him. "And you are?"

"Her boyfriend."

He didn't look impressed and turned back to address me. "I'm just going to ask you to lay back."

We pushed the head of the chair-table-thing back a little and when the doctor lifted my shirt a smidge, Edward was immediately by my side. He pushed and poked at a few places, asking me if anything hurt, verified the first day of my last period—which was exactly 5 weeks prior; I remember 'cause it was a few days before the Winter Formal—and asked if I was feeling any symptoms.

"No," I quickly answered then realized something. "Wait . . . I mean not really. I've been really tired these past few days but a lots going on in our lives. I just assumed that was why. Everyone around me is just as tired I'm sure." Even though I was looking at the doctor, I could feel Edward's eyes narrow in my direction. I have no idea what had him acting so weird all of the sudden.

"Okay. To be sure, I'm going to order some blood work for you. There's a lab right next door and I'd like to order them stat. So, can you come back in a few hours?"

I don't know if it was the words he chose, or the way he was saying it, but I was getting nervous and Edward picked up on it.

"Why does she need 'stat' labs or whatever?"

"The urine analysis was inconclusive." Was all he offered, but I could tell he was holding something back.

Regardless, I knew well enough to follow instructions, so Edward and I did as we were told. Luckily, I hadn't been able to eat anything for breakfast and had missed out on dinner, so I fasted without realizing it and didn't need to wait to do the blood work.

Three hours later—and after getting lunch for Edward—we found ourselves back in with the doctor as he tried his best to explain his 'findings'.

As he went on and on about hCG levels and other things about the labs, my eyes became glazed and his voice became more faint.

Thankfully Edward, being a little more straight to the point, flat out asked him what I had been wondering.

"So is she pregnant or not?"

"Her hCG levels—which are what's tested to determine pregnancy—are higher than that of what's normally present in any given individual. However, her levels are lower than what it should be, given the dates she gave me for her cycle."

I stared at him blankly. Did he not realize he stopped speaking English?

Realizing he needed to break it down for us further, he continued, "Basically, there's a chance you are either not pregnant or you're in the beginning stages of your body's rejection of a pregnancy. I don't have any other labs to compare, to see if you naturally have a high level of hCG in your system. If you're in fact not pregnant, then we need to figure out why your hormone levels are high. What I'd like for you to do is come back in about 2-3 days."

"What's that gonna do?"

"If you're pregnant, your hormone level should be doubled by then. At that time, we'll also need to have an ultrasound done to give us a better indication of what's going on."

At first, and on the surface, it seemed like we were leaving with no answers, but in the end, I was able to read between the lines. What I got from all the garble the doctor was saying was that they couldn't be sure without the whole 'monitoring me for a few days' thing; but basically I was more than likely 'clinically' pregnant—just not pregnant enough.

I didn't know what to make of it. My mind flashed to those commercials where the woman—who was like a spokesmodel for one of the pregnancy test brands—would joke that you can't be _kinda pregnant_. Well, I sure showed her.

Edward was quiet the entire way home and it worried the hell out of me. I wanted nothing more than to drag him inside my house and force him to tell me what was wrong, but when we got there both my parent's cars were outside.

"Shit!" I was screwed 'cause in all the chaos of the day, I hadn't taken into consideration the idea of them coming home and not finding me there. Oh well, I was already in trouble so I didn't care. I turned in my seat to look at Edward.

"Talk to me. You've been extremely quiet."

"This is all just starting to sink in, ya know," he said it quietly, refusing to look me in the eye. "I mean . . . shit, Bella, you're probably pregnant. And it's all my fault."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't where a condom the first time," he admitted guiltily. "I didn't even realize it 'til later and when I did, I never said anything. I didn't think about it. I should have been more careful and—"

"Hey." I cut him off. He didn't need to be beating himself up about this; at least not alone. "I was there too ya know. I could have, and should have, said something, but I didn't. I was just as careless." I sighed. "Fuck, what are we gonna do? Edward, I can't be pregnant, I can't. My mom's gonna kill me."

I looked up just as I saw curtains moving behind the front door. "I gotta go before my dad drags me put of the car. Uh ... Don't call the house just to be safe. I'll call you when the coast is clear." I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before dragging myself into the house.

I expected anger, a blow up even, about me not following the rules, but when I got inside, I was met with something different. Both my parents were standing in the kitchen, my mother with a lethal glare on her face in my direction—my father with tears steaming down his face. I didn't get it until I looked down on the table and saw it.

The pregnancy test I had taken a few days before.

I started to wonder if it was really as defective as we thought, or if it was just a result of my weird not-producing-enough-hormones issue.

"I can explain," I rushed out. A few things came to me at once and the lies I could tell. The test isn't mine. It isn't real and is part of the project Edward had mentioned. I even thought of deflecting the situation and asking them if they were snooping around in my room, balk at them for invading my privacy, but I couldn't choke out any of them. I closed my eyes and fought back tears, refusing to meet my father's eyes. "I'm sorry."

That's when the explosion happened. My mother went apeshit and my father stormed out, muttering things under his breath I wished to God I heard wrong but didn't. I stared at the door, mouth gaping and still in shock as I listened to everything my mother had to say. I stood there taking it all in, letting her have her moment to vent—'cause I felt it was well deserved on her part—until she crossed the line.

"And having you was one of the biggest regrets of my life. I've tried everything to make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes I did, and now look at you."

She should have just slapped me; I'm sure it would have hurt less. And just like that, all my guilt and fear of disappointing her went out the window.

"I'm sorry I was such a huge fucking mistake then!"

"What? No, you know that's not what I meant!" I didn't want to hear it and started walking away, but she attempted to grab me back. "Do not walk away from me, Isabella!"

I turned around and leveled her with a glare of my own. "There is nothing you have to say to me right now I want to hear. You've said more than enough. Let's end this talk before you say anything else you might later_regret._" I could tell she wanted to say more, but she didn't and let go of my arm, allowing me to walk away.

Somewhere in the recesses of my brain was the understanding that my mother was just upset and she didn't truly mean she regretted ever having me, but it wasn't something I could process at the time. When I got to my room, I screamed into a pillow, punched the wall a few times and spent a long time pacing, but I was too angry to cry.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, unmoving and staring at the ceiling. My phone line rang a couple of times, but I didn't have the strength to answer it or speak to anyone. I knew it wasn't Edward because I had already told him earlier not to call and that's the only person I would have picked up for.

Later, and after creeping into the kitchen—once I was sure my mother had went to her room—I drank some warm tea and was able to clear my head long enough to fall asleep.

That only lasted a few hours, because I awoke in the middle of the night with an uncomfortable ache in my belly. At first, I chalked it up to that feeling you get when you're so upset you start feeling sick to your stomach. I did my best to ignore it—but as the aching turned into intense cramping, and the cramping gave way to some bleeding by morning, I knew something was wrong.

I called the clinic I went to the day before and after telling the nurse what was happening, the doctor told me to come back in.

I didn't drive and knew my mom wanted nothing to do with me at the moment. My dad was no where to be found, like usual these days, and calling Edward for some reason felt out of the question. I knew something bad was happening and I had the urge to protect him from the pain I knew I was about to experience.

I'm still not sure why I went this route, but I called Rosalie. She didn't drive much but she did at least have her license, so I knew if anyone could help me out, it would be her. At the very least, she could borrow one of her parent's cars.

Twenty minutes later, I regretted my decision when she climbed out of the passenger seat of Royce's car. Filing away the questions I had for her later—in the form of gossip and why they were hanging out—I went straight for anger.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I gripped her arm, shut the car door, and pulled her off to the side. "Royce? Of all people you, asked Royce to take me?"

"What?" She almost looked offended. "He's really not as bad as he seems once you get to know him. He's actually really sweet—"

"—and Edward's best friend."

"Oh."

I wanted to strangle her. I specifically told her—when I called—I didn't want Edward to know where I was going until after I found out what the hell was going on.

"Listen. Let's just tell him not to say anything."

I gave her a disbelieving look. "Would you not be able to tell me?" I knew damn well I wouldn't be able to keep something like that from her. It would be hypocritical to ask that of Royce.

"True. Okay. So just say Edward already knows."

"How is that better?"

"If Royce thinks Edward already knows, he won't feel the need to rush and tell him like he has some big secret. Then when Edward doesn't bring it up, maybe he'll just assume he doesn't want to talk about it."

I shook my head, knowing this plan of hers was crap, but I didn't have a choice. There were no buses and trains and such—that didn't exist around here—and I didn't have money to pay for a cab that went that far out. Sighing, I relented.

"Fine, but when the shit hits, I'm taking you down with me."

"Understood." She nodded.

I climbed in the back of Royce's car and we greeted each other, both somewhat tersely. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. Though I had no desire to be in his vicinity, he was doing me, well Rosa, a huge favor. Also, he was my boyfriend's best friend and my best friend's … something, so I bit my tongue and didn't say anything the whole way there. It was that or argue with him like I normally did.

When we pulled up to the clinic, Royce's face was almost comical. It was that look of sheer panic and I couldn't help but chuckle. It was clear Rosa hadn't told him exactly where we were going and why. This made me appreciate him and respect him all the more. He jumped in and did a favor, with obviously little to no questions asked. "Thanks." She kissed him on the cheek. "Don't go too far, I'm not sure how long we're going to be."

It was clear he was still panicking, probably not sure which of us needed to be here, so to help out his fears, I threw him a bone. "There's a little pizza shop down the street. Edward and I hung out there for a little bit when we were here the other day. I think they even have an arcade game hooked up in the back."

His eyes went wide for a little bit, but he quickly recovered and mumbled out a 'thanks'.

"You okay?" Rosa asked, hooking her arms through mine as we walked inside.

I shrugged. "My stomach doesn't hurt as bad as it did last night and this morning, but I can tell I've already bled through this pad I have on." I felt disgusting.

"Maybe you got your period?" She offered half-heartedly. We both knew that's not what this was.

I still tried to play along, though. "Yeah, maybe."

This time things were a little different. I had the same doctor but people around me seemed to be moving quicker. I had more testing done too. A vaginal exam, the ultrasound he talked about, and of course another urine analysis.

He didn't send me away like he did the day before, though he did try speaking in code.

"You have two options," he said it with sympathy but bluntly. "Do you now what a D&C is?" I shook my head no as he began to explain in full detail about a procedure that can go in and clean up the 'blood and tissue' I was expelling. "Or, you can just choose to let it happen naturally."

"Let what happen naturally? You do realize you're not making any sense, right?" I snapped at him. I was tired of this. Tired of being talked to in circles, like I was some dumb child who didn't know what was going on. Granted I didn't, but I couldn't help feeling as if some of it was being done on purpose.

"Aren't D&C's things you do for women who are miscarrying and having abortions or something?" Rosa jumped in and shared the little bit of knowledge she had.

I gasped and tears sprung to my eyes. "What?"

The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, but those are your options at the moment. Your hormone levels are low, the ultrasound showed there was no sac present, and you're already bleeding heavily with a thick consistency to it. Many women get pregnant in their lifetimes without even realizing it. This is a unique situation where given a few more days, you might not have ever known the difference. I think to make it easier on yourself, it's best to look at things as if you were just really late. Now, I can't perform a D&C on you without parental consent, but there are pills you can take. I'd like you to come back in a week, and …" I stood up, I was done listening.

"That won't be necessary. Thank you for your time. Rosa, let's go."

"But—"

I rushed out of the room without a second glance. I could feel Rosalie running after me and her shouting at me to slow down, but I needed to get outside as soon as possible. I needed fresh air. As soon as I was outside, I leaned against the building and closed my eyes. I had no idea what to think and how to feel.

Rosalie let me think to myself and I sat on the ground as she went off in search of Royce.

He had a concerned look on his face when they found me sitting, almost lying, on the ground, but with one look from Rosa, he didn't ask. The whole way back home, he went on about nothing and for that I was thankful. I didn't need the car ride to be filled with awkward silence.

"Thanks again," I told Royce when we pulled up to my house.

"No problem, Bella," he answered softly, his voice laced with sadness and almost pity. I wondered how much of what was going on he picked up on.

When I got inside, I went straight to my room. I noticed my bed sheets were changed and the pajama pants I had slept in and had thrown to the ground—both which were bloody—were no where to be seen. But I didn't think much of it, chalking it up to I must have thrown them in my hamper before I left.

* * *

The rest of the week was hell.

My parents barely said two words to me, but everyday there was a list of chores left for me that needed to be done throughout the day—none that involved going further than the driveway. To make sure I was doing what I was supposed to be, my mother constantly stopped by.

She never spoke to me, but she would come home long enough to look around—make sure I was there and alone, then leave. But everyday I would catch her looking at me. At times it was with anger, other times pity and even remorse, but she still never spoke. I kept to myself, vaguely aware of movement around the house, my father's voice on a random day he should have been at work, and even the doorbell and phone ringing but that was it. Everything else around me felt like a blur.

When Monday came, I got up early completely forgetting I had two more days left in my suspension. The week had gone by slow yet quick 'cause it almost didn't feel like everything that had gone down had all happened in such a short amount of time. In the kitchen that morning, and waiting for some coffee to brew, I subconsciously rested my hand on my stomach. I was still bleeding lightly and trying to get a grasp on what happened.

A part of me accepted the idea I was pregnant, but so early on in the pregnancy, it was hard to detect; while another part of me decided I was never pregnant and it was all a false alarm. I needed to hold onto something to make sense of it all, even though I knew the latter wasn't likely. Thinking about the conflicting emotions surging through me and the battle of whether or not I should be relieved and or devastated, I finally let tears fall. I didn't realize when she came downstairs, but just as my tears started turning into sobs, I felt my mother's arms wrap around me.

"I'm so sorry," I cried into her shoulder. Hurt and anger aside from what she had said to me, in the end, I still felt horrible for the hurt and disappointment I knew she must have been feeling. We had enough talks from the minute I knew 'boys had a penis' and 'girls had a vagina' that I never should have found myself in this situation. "I'm so, so sorry, Mommy. You have no idea."

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry too."

We both held onto each other as we cried and both our bodies shook with the force of our sobs. I heard the door open and close, and I knew my father must have walked by, saw us holding onto each other, and still chose to walk away without acknowledging me. I cried harder. This was the first time I was in a two feet vicinity of him since the time in the kitchen, and all I could think about was him mumbling under his breath that he had no idea he was raising a whore—I couldn't look at him anymore.

"I have to go, sweetheart." My mother broke away from our hug and cradled my face in her hands. "I'm sorry I haven't been here for you these past few days, but when I get home we'll talk, okay?"

I nodded. "I'd like that." And it was the truth. I needed my mother like a fish needed water at the moment. She smiled and pulled me back into another tight hug.

"Oh by the way," she added, as she was walking toward the door. "Edward came by here the other day. I hadn't had the chance to tell you."

"He did?" I was shocked. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in days and was actually confused and disappointed he hadn't bothered to try sneaking into my room at all. I hadn't been able to call him because my phone was unhooked, and I didn't want to risk using any of the main phones. My parents had a way of knowing these little things, and I didn't want to rock the boat.

"Yeah." She nodded. "But I'm not sure what he said. Your father answered the door."

"Oh." Yeah, I can't imagine that went well. I decided not to try and contact him. I knew I wouldn't be technically allowed to see him and didn't see the point in tempting myself. 'Cause if I spoke to him and he asked me to sneak out—which he rarely did but still—or to come over, I wouldn't be able to tell him no.

When my mom came home that night, I had dinner ready for her and my father, who didn't make it home. "He's working late on a case," my mother had said. "And he's really stressed out, so don't take anything he's said or done lately to heart."

I realized then she must have overheard what he said about me as well. I didn't acknowledge her attempt at apologizing on his behalf. This moment wasn't about him—it was about me and my mom. We stayed up late talking, watching movies, and crying. I told her all about my few trips to the doctor and she cried again and apologized about not being there for me and letting her anger and disappointment cloud her duty as still being my mom. I forgave her without question. This was a shitty situation for all of us and I couldn't blame her for not knowing how to act.

"I realized something was wrong days ago. I even mentioned it to your dad when I saw your sheets, but I was just so angry you know."

I nodded. "I understand."

"At first I thought maybe you . . . you know, did something. I was all the more upset with myself, thinking maybe I drove you into a decision—" I stopped her from continuing. We had gone over this more times than I could count in just the past hour; my reassuring her I didn't do anything 'unnatural.' That neither she, nor Edward, forced me into anything and things happened on their own. I wasn't sure if she believed me, but mercifully she let it go.

When Wednesday came, I had never been so happy at the thought of going back to school. I needed out of the house, badly.

The first thing I did was seek out Edward and found him behind the cafeteria, leaning against the building. I hadn't seen him in almost a week and couldn't contain my excitement. I stopped short, though when I noticed him with a cigarette in his hands. I hadn't seen him smoking in a while and frowned but still continued to quickly walk up to him.

"Hey, you." I wrapped my arms around his waist, from behind.

"Bella," he said my name almost flatly and turned around. "Hey."

I brought my arms around his shoulder and neck and squeezed tightly. "I've missed you." He hummed but didn't respond, and loosely wrapped one arm around me. I was confused. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He shrugged, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and taking a long puff. He moved his head to the side and blew out the smoke before flicking it on the ground, and taking a step back. This wasn't the response I was expecting after not seeing him for days.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just told you I was fine didn't I?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's with the attitude then?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but the bell rang. I really hated that thing. "I gotta go to class."

"No." I grabbed onto his shirt to stop him from walking away. "You're late all the time, and that's _when_ you bother going to class. You can give me a few more minutes."

"A few minutes to what?" He asked, annoyed.

"To talk to me. What the hell! Why are you being so cold?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Listen—" he sighed, "—I'd loved to sit and chat but I have a test."

I knew first hand that was one of his infamous lies, and though I wanted to force him to stay and talk to me, not that I think I would have been able to with the way he was acting, I knew I _did_ have to get my ass to class. I missed a week and I had a lot of making up to do.

"Fine." I relented, and walked away without a backwards glance.

I didn't see him for the first half of the day, something that was odd with us, because he would always find a way to meet me in the hall and walk me to class. I tried to brush it off, but when right before lunch, I heard a few girls gossiping—whispering about how 'maybe Edward and Bella broke up'—I knew the tension between us was obvious.

As I saw him making his way to his car for lunch, I cornered him. I couldn't be sure if he was coming back, so I needed to make something clear.

"I'm coming over after school," I all but hissed in his ear. "And then you're going to tell me what the hell is going on with you." I didn't leave room for argument—I didn't need to, sure there would be enough of that going on later.

.

.

.

"Fuck. Fuck," Edward snarled, the sound of the bedpost slamming against the wall behind me. My eyes were closed tightly and my whimpers were really that of pain more than pleasure as he pounded into me. He had never been this rough with me and as much as I tried to relish in his aggressive touch when we first got to his house, because it was clear how bad he wanted me, and I more than _needed _him, it quickly evaporated.

It didn't take long—the minute he slid into me to be exact—until I realized this time was going to be different. I didn't feel wanted I felt ... dirty in a way. He wasn't caressing me like he normally did, asking me if I was okay and making sure I was enjoying myself. No, this time was all about him. He was angry and for some reason, taking it out on me—or my poor pussy to be exact.

Now, if I knew why he was so upset—especially at me—it would have been different. I would have been okay with him taking from me the way he was, but at that moment, there was no use mincing words; love had nothing to do with it, I was being used. And though I knew without a shadow of a doubt he would stop if I simply asked him to, something in me wouldn't let me form the words.

As his grunts increased in volume, so did the force of his movements. He was hitting spots he never had before, but it was just downright painful.

"Open your legs."

I did as I was told, reaching my arms up to grip the headboard and anchor myself. Opening my eyes, we made contact for a few seconds. There was hardness yet softness in Edward's eyes and I looked back at him, almost begging him to tell me what was wrong but the moment vanished with a close of his eyelids. With that simple move, he shut me out.

I praised everything around me when his movements became spastic and his breathing ragged. And just as I knew he was about to come, he pulled put of me, holding onto himself, as the condom filled with spurts of his semen. The action confused me for a bit, but then I realized with everything we had just gone through it made sense. I wanted to tell him I had an appointment to get on the pill in a week—something my mom all but demanded–but then realized he was still in the dark about what I just went through; further making his actions a minute prior ever more confusing.

I rolled over and lay on my side as he climbed off the bed and went to his adjoining bathroom. I should have known just like everything else, this was going to be different, and I shouldn't have expected him to hold me afterward. But a part of me did, and I scrunched-up my eyes trying to compose myself and figure out why the hell he was treating me like this. And more importantly, why I was putting up with it.

I listened behind the door at the sound of the water running, the toilet flush, and the door open. Then the creak of what I assumed was Edward sitting on his chair, the rustle of him looking for something, and then the sound of a lighter or match going off before the room filled with a different scent than I was used to.

Not able to resist, I turned to look at him. He was staring in my direction and didn't turn away when our eyes locked. Just continued looking at me. And thus began a staring contest.

I'm not even sure he blinked to be honest as he huffed and puffed his small cigar? "What's that?" I asked, nodding my head to his hand. I really didn't care what it was, but I was desperate for conversation.

Instead of answering me, though, he lifted up a small flat black and brown box to show me the logo. I gritted my teeth in annoyance. And because I had no where to place my aggravation and knew any civilized conversation was out the door, I decided it was time to pick a fight. "Whatever it is, it smells disgusting." That was actually I lie. I liked the smell, but whatever. "It's kind of making me sick to be honest."

"Then leave."

Inside I gasped and my heart even shattered a little, but on the outside I let it be known I was seething.

"Fine," I said it almost smugly. If he wanted me to leave, I would. And even though I knew he wouldn't be taking me, his car would. I quickly got dressed in what I wore to school and without saying another word, I grabbed his keys that were on the dresser.

"I know you don't think you're taking my car."

"Try me," I snapped.

Edward moved quickly to block my way. "You're not taking." He rolled his eyes. "You don't have a license. And really, why are you leaving? 'Cause you're mad I was smoking? Why does it matter anyway, it's not like you're pregnant."

I could have taken the time to let it be known I was mad because he'd been a dick all day, and my wanting to leave had nothing to do with the smoking, but I had issues what his last comment. How did he know?

Granted I wasn't pregnant, but as far as he was concerned, I never should have been. Last he heard, we got the weird hormone imbalance news, but the way he was saying it now was different. Not in a sympathetic way but almost in anger, like he was throwing my _not_being pregnant in my face.

I mumbled and stammered out something unintelligible. Something I believed resembled a 'what are you talking about,' but I couldn't be sure.

He shook his head—a look of almost disgust on his face."You're unbelievable you know that?" And he didn't mean it in a good way, that much was clear. "I told you I was in this with you. How could you go back to the clinic and just ..." he shook his head and I pretty much stopped listening as I visualized how hard I was going rip Royce a new one. I was beyond pissed at him and planned on letting Rosa know her new little boyfriend couldn't be trusted to not run his mouth. And also her little plan of 'let's just act like Edward already knows' didn't work. "You know ... At first when your father told me—"

I felt like everything stopped.

"What do you mean 'when my father told you?' Told you what?"

"Haven't you been listening?"

Obviously not, but I'm listening now. "What. Did. He. Tell. You?" I was getting livid 'cause something in me already knew.

"He said 'you took care of it.'"

I didn't need to hear any more. With his keys still in my hand, I pushed Edward out of the way and headed for the door. Something about the look on my face momentarily snapped him out of his anger and a look of panic crossed his face. "What are you doing? Where are you going?" he rushed out.

"To talk to my dad."

He didn't try and stop me. Now, I didn't have my license and only drove a few times with my mom, but I made it to my father's office building in record time and without a scratch on Edward's car. Barely putting the car in park, I flew inside and barged through the doors that led to my father's office. I knew he was in a meeting because his door was closed, and I didn't see his assistant Makenna to ask how long he would be busy, so I decided fuck it, I honestly didn't care if he was meeting with the President at this point. He had tried—for whatever reason—to ruin my relationship with Edward, he could deal with me messing up one meeting.

I barged through the door and the minute I saw him, I stopped short. Anger bubbled inside of me for a whole new reason. "You son of a bitch!"

* * *

"Are you okay?"

I shrugged at Edward's question-not bothering to look in his direction and continued to stare out the passenger window of his car.

I couldn't be the furthest from okay, so if I was being honest, I was a little annoyed by his question.

"Bella, I'm sorry—"

"I know."

"I shouldn't have just believed him."

"No, you shouldn't have."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat.

"Baby—"

"Don't," I snapped. He had been nothing but an ass to me all day, and I had taken it, but I had had enough. "You said you're sorry, that's good enough for now. But don't 'baby' or 'sweetheart' me or anything like that right now."

After leaving my father's office, and the ordeal I had to go through emotionally when I confronted him, I was beyond exhausted. And though I wanted to go straight home, I knew I had to return Edward's car. He wasn't there at first, having run an errand for his mom in her car, but the minute he came back, he found me lying in his bed in tears. After finding out all the horrible things my father had said about me and Edward's situation, and how easily he had believed him—I didn't know what to do or think anymore.

Things were about to get really bad for me—more than I even realized at the time—and though I loved Edward, I didn't have the strength left in me to deal with someone who thought so little of me that they would be so quick to believe defaming words of me so quickly.

"Don't do that, Bella," he pleaded. "I see the look in your eyes. Don't let this ruin us."

"Oh, you mean like you almost let the shit my dad said ruin us?"

"That was … Bella, he played me. I thought he was looking out for me. I had no reason to think he would—"

"Try and sabotage our relationship? Because he was such a fan of us being together in the first place right? Dammit, Edward. How could you be so gullible?"

"You wouldn't understand," he whispered.

He's right, I didn't understand and had no desire to deal with more than I already had that day.

"I gotta go inside. I need to talk to my mom about what happened at my dad's job."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" I didn't answer him. He sighed. "Can I come over later? I know you're mad. Rightfully so," he quickly added when he saw the look I was giving him. "But, I just want us to talk. Like we should have days ago, and I just need you to understand. Please."

I pursed my lips. "I don't know."

"Leave your window open." I raised my eyebrows, for him to explain. "I'll drive by later. If you want me to come in, leave it open. If I come and see it's closed, then I'll know." I didn't say anything as I started to get out of the car. "Oh and Bella…"

"Yeah?" I looked back.

"I love you. I'm sorry about today, I just—"

"I know," I answered in response to his 'I love you' as well as his apology. "I'll talk to you later," I added, making sure to choose my words wisely. I hadn't decided about the window thing yet, but at list his suggestion gave me time to mull it over.

When I got inside, I knew I had to discuss something with my mom. I knew I needed to find out first and foremost what she knew. And if she was aware of what my dad said to Edward.

All that took a backseat when I saw the look on her face. It was … I can't find a word for it, but worried didn't quite cover it.

"Mom?" I rushed to her. "What wrong?"

"Oh, baby," she sighed. "This came for you today." Solemnly, she handed me an envelope.

"Okay, what is it?" When I looked down and started reading, my breath caught in my throat. "Is this?" I whispered, and from the corner of my eye I saw her nod.

I scanned the papers again, praying I was reading things wrong, but I wasn't.

That night, I not only had my window open, but I waited for Edward outside. I knew he liked to park down the street and walk to the house to avoid the chance of my parents would see his car.

When he saw me standing there, he all but ran up to me. "Baby, what happened?"

I couldn't form words and just handed him the papers I received earlier; the one that informed me in one month's time, I was being summoned to appear in court.

The state, or the Brandon's—whoever—had went through with the charges against James. And as suspected, I was being called to testify.

On his behalf.

* * *

**The window thing seem familiar? ;- )**

**What was he smoking in the room? A Black . . . love the smell of them for some reason.**

**Next up will be EPOV— a summary of his thoughts from the first chap through now as well as what Charlie said to him. Then a tiny time jump to trial stuff (that will be kind of skimmed over 'cause I'm taking enough liberties as is, no need to botch what court is like as well).**


	9. Chapter 9: EPOV Ch 1-8

**Another long chap folks! And it's the EPOV I promised (courtesy of inspiration by LOT) and covers from Chap 1 til now—Let's see more into his life! Shall we?**

**Special thanks to AJasper ForMe!**

* * *

***Nine.*  
****EPOV**

"And if I go anyway?" I challenged my mother, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's not like you can stop me."

She heaved a sigh, huffed a little, and then her shoulders sagged. "You know what? Never mind. Forget it. Do what you want. Drink. Smoke. Keep getting suspended from school for dumb shit. Throw your life away—see if I care."

I flinched a little at hearing the defeated tone in her voice, as well as her cussing. Not that I hadn't heard it before, but never really directed at me. "Ma, I'm sorry. I just . . ." I trailed off, not having an excuse for my behavior. I didn't care much about myself, to be honest, but I did care about hurting and disappointing my mom. "I won't go," I mumbled sadly—feeling as if a knife was twisting in my chest at willingly giving up Bella's party. Normally, I scoffed and rolled my eyes at the lameness that was the girls' Sweet 16 parties at our school, but Bella Swan was different. Not because I had anticipated her party involving anything of variety compared to the others' but because _she_was different.

"If you're not going to learn anything from staying home, it's not worth it," she snapped, turning on her heels, and walking away— clearly giving up on the situation.

"Where you going?" I asked, confused at her abruptly ending what I was expecting to be a lecture.

"I'm tired."

And by the tone in her voice, I knew she meant more than just being 'sleepy' tired. I scrubbed my hands over my face, then ran them through my hair as I watched her slumped figure walking away.

I wanted to go after her but I didn't. Instead I sulked off to my room, feeling like shit for the pain I knew my bullshit caused my mom. I didn't think the simple things I did were a big deal, but the look on her face every time someone—like Mr. Swan—had to call home because someone complained about me or she got a call from the school, showed me _she _thought it was a big deal.

When I got to my room, I flipped through some of my sketch books and for about an hour, just let my fingers move across the page as the images in my head came to life. Of all the things I did—indulged in—drawing was always a sure fire way to calm me down.

Later that night, the sound of my childlike laughs brought me out of my room. I slinked up the stairs to the living room and watched the image of a seven-year-old me kicking a soccer ball back and forth with an older man.

_"Mom,"_ I huffed on the screen. _"Why are you taping this? We're not even doing anything yet."_

_"Let her have her fun, son."_ My dad turned and winked at the camera. _"When you're old and out of the house, she's going to watch these tapes over and over."  
_  
Seven-year-old me rolled his eyes, then got an evil glint in them. "_Hey, Dad! Come here_." I waved him over.

He sauntered over to me and leaned down so I could talk in his ear.

_"No secrets!"_my mom's voice came from behind the camera. It was different than it was now. It was happy; carefree.

Without warning, my dad went running after her and she squealed. The image becoming shaky, and capturing the sky, the ground, and everything else around us as my dad wrestled the camera out of her hands. With me tickling her, she squealed some more and laughed harder, begging us for mercy.

I continued watching—seemingly in a trance—as my dad, with his long arms, extended the camera to where all three of us were captured. Then the screen froze as my mother's hand came up with the remote to press pause.

I stared at it for a few minutes, remembering that day like it was yesterday. I had just decided I was going to go out for a local soccer team, and my father was giving me some pointers. I smiled at the memory, until my mother's sniffling brought me back to the present.

There were about three things in my life that could get me close to a breakdown, and my mother's tears were one of them. I quickly rushed to her side to comfort her.

"Ma, don't cry."

This only made her cry harder. I blinked back tears, willing the lump in my throat and the tightening in my chest to go away as I stared back at the happy and healthy face of my father on the screen.

Without realizing it, I started glaring at the man who always promised me he'd be there for me. I knew it was unfair of me to still be angry after this many years, but I was. I was angry at him for not fighting, angry at my mom for lying, and angry at God for taking my dad away.

"Your father would have —" I loosened my arms from around her and stood up. I didn't want to hear about him or how sorry she was.

"I'm going out."

"Edward," she sighed, but I placed a quick kiss on her forehead.

"I'm just gonna go to Jake's. I won't be long and . . . uh, we can do something this weekend. Just us," I offered, knowing it was one of her rare weekends off. She gave me a small smile as I rushed out the door, but said nothing else, probably thinking I was just saying whatever I needed to to get her off my back.

I quickly jumped in my Civic, rolled down the windows and lit a smoke—something I didn't often do in my car—and I drove the ten minutes to the other side of town where Jake lived. I spent so much damn time there, it was like my home away from home, and I didn't even need to bother calling ahead to see if it was okay for me to stop by. It's still blurry to me how we met, actually. It was about two years prior, and Royce had been dating some random chick, who was already a freshman in high school without a care in the world and we were still in Junior High.

She invited us to a party at her cousin's house, and that's when I first smoked. I coughed and hacked and made an ass of myself, but for the first time, I felt nothing. I forgot about my father dying. I forgot about my mother not telling me until it was too late. I forgot about not having any real friends in my school other than Royce. And I forgot about the hate between my mother and my father's family. I just sat there, enjoying the high.

Jake—or 'Black' as everyone called him— was there and snapped at one of the guys who laughed at me. He said they were all there at one point and probably all coughed up the first time they took a hit. He then asked me if I was absolutely sure I wanted to pick up such a bad habit, and after telling him to fuck off and mind his own damn business, he laughed, told me I was a cool kid and I followed his ass around from that moment on. He was only about three years older than me but something about his knowledge and the way he carried himself had me looking up to him.

When I realized I made it to Jake's, I shook my head of the memory. It seemed so long ago, and at times, I felt like I was a completely different person. I wasn't completely jaded when I first moved. I think a part of me was still in shock, a part of me still is—but I was content to hang in the shadows and keep to myself. Then as time went on, I got angry, bitter, and resentful. Seeing people happy made me jealous and confused. What did I do that made me not deserve that?

The same night I met Jake was the night I was introduced to my first real girlfriend.

Meeting Tia Denali when I did was the best and worst thing that happened to me. Smoking gave me a case of the 'fuck it's' but I could tell it hurt my mother when she found out. There were days I didn't care, though. She hurt me, she lied to me and I didn't care if she was hurt. But then there were days when the only reason I bothered trying to do something productive with myself was to put a smile on her face.

Dating Tia and hanging out with her friends and her sisters was—I shuddered—not the best time in my life. She taught me how to smoke, how to fuck, how to lie, steal and even how to cut coke. I tried it once and I couldn't get into it but that doesn't change the fact that I _did_try it. Snorting it made me feel disgusting, so I convinced myself for a little bit that just rolling it up with my weed made it better. I'm sure it would have been a matter of time before I went back to trying to snort it had it not been for the one night Tia tried bringing something else into the game. Smacking me with a bit of a reality check.

"How long you gonna just sit out there?" I looked up to see Jake's face hanging out a window in his house.

I smiled then flipped him off as I climbed out of the car. For the next hour, we smoked, talked shit, and smoked some more before I announced I was taking my ass home. As I was leaving, Jake asked me if I could drop something off for him at his boy's house. I didn't hesitate and grabbed the small box he set on the table, put it in my back pocket and was out the door. As tradition, I drove past this guy Sam's house, put it in his mailbox, honked twice, and then rode off.

When I got home, all the lights were off and there was a note from my mom saying she went to bed early, and left a plate of food for me in the microwave. I heated it and took it to the living room trying to decide what to do with myself. I didn't have school for the next few days, thanks to being suspended, so it wasn't like I needed to go to sleep at a decent time. Knowing he would be awake, I called Royce and asked him if he wanted to come over and hang out.

Hands down, the fucker was my best friend. He was the only one who knew just about everything about me. Granted, it happened because I broke down one night and cried like a little bitch in front of him. We were in the eighth grade, it was almost a year to the day after I moved here, and he was talking about the weekend he had with his dad. I hadn't realized how much I missed the man until that moment. But Royce never once threw it back in my face or made me feel like a pussy—like I knew some other boys our age would have.

Not even twenty minutes later, he strolled in with an overnight bag, helped himself to the food in the fridge and plopped himself on the couch. We jutted our chins at each other in greeting, but there wasn't much else to say.

When the TV movie we were watching ended I sighed. "I'm bored."

"I stole the Newton's car alarm." Royce shrugged. "They complained to my mom that I play my music too loud, so for the past few nights I've been randomly setting it off. I think one of the neighbors already called the cops and complained about it."

I chuckled. The Newton's weren't bad people, just annoying as shit neighbors to have. I didn't envy Royce in that at all. It didn't help that his brother, Riley King, had an on again off again relationship with their daughter Jessica, and had recently broke things off with her. Riley was a cool guy, in general—really smart, all-American jock and all that— but he was kind of a dog when it came to females. Whenever Jessica was hurt, her parents took it out on the whole family.

"Volturi just got a new ride," Royce said and chuckled, shoveling some more food in his face. I could still hear the grin in his voice though. "You seen it?"

My smile couldn't be contained as I looked back at him. Without saying a word, we knew what we had to do.

One hour, and a lot of eggs and milk later, his car looked like shit. On the way home, we stopped by Kate Smith's house, a girl Royce was secretly messing with behind her football player boyfriend's back. It was funny to me how even with him rubbing a lot of them the wrong way—so they said—quite a few of the girls in our school had no problem being with Royce on the low. Anyway, not even thirty minutes after we got there, Kate's dad came home, found us in her room, and told us to get the hell out before he called the cops.

When we strolled back into my house, my mom was waiting in the kitchen with her arms crossed. She looked like she was about to blow a fucking gasket.

"I didn't do it." Both Royce and I raised our hands in the air.

"Didn't do what?"

"Whatever's got that look on your face."

"So you boys didn't just egg your principal's new car?"

I gasped. "Principal Banner's car got egged?"

In response, my mom narrowed her eyes at me and I widened mine innocently and in challenge. People seemed to forget Banner was our actual principal, but I didn't. And my mom knew she was just trying to trip me up.

"So, I won't get a call saying you two are responsible?"

"No." I shook my head. "But you might get a call from Kate Smith's dad."

"Why?"

"'Cause we were hanging out over there and when he got home he was pretty pissed."

Without realizing it, we had created an awesome alibi for ourselves. My mom must have realized this too and though I could tell there was some suspicion in her eyes, she let it go. Or so I thought.

As she started walking out of the kitchen and with a smirk on her face, she turned to me and said, "I couldn't help but notice all the eggs I just bought are missing. I'm sure it's just coincidence, though, and will be there by morning. I'm really looking forward to an omelet for breakfast."

Fuck, I hadn't even thought that far. Of course she would have noticed. I did laugh though 'cause without so many words, she was letting me know I wasn't completely off the hook. My plan to sleep in was now dead because I would be waking my ass up in the morning to replace what we took and to make her breakfast. Omelets were my specialty.

"Esme's cool as shit." Royce laughed. "I thought we had her there for a second. But things worked out for me too." He grinned.

"How so?"

"Dude. Your omelets," he said it wistfully, rubbing his stomach.

I snorted. "You won't be sighing all dreamy and shit when I wake your fat ass up tomorrow morning." His face fell and I grinned, smugly. "Yup. And my mom leaves at seven in the morning for work." I winked.

The next morning I wasn't so smug when the blaring of my alarm clock woke my ass up—from a very good dream about Bella, I might add. I groaned and without needing to open my eyes, reached for it then chucked it to where I knew Royce was sleeping on the couch in the corner of my room.

"Edward, you motherfucker. You damn near got my balls."

I shrugged, unapologetic. "That's what you get for setting it so damn early."

"I didn't set it."

"Then who did?"

"Morning, boys!" my mom sang. "Great morning for omelets, wouldn't you say?"

I huffed. "You made your point, Ma."

"No, I don't think I have," she said, the smile clear in her voice even though I couldn't see her with the pillow still covering my head. "You'll also be taking me to work today. And when you pick me up, I expect my car to be shiny and sparkly—because you boys are going to wash it so thoroughly for me."

Had it been anyone else, I would've given them the one finger salute, but I snickered tiredly at my mom, while Royce answered her with a sleepy, "Yes, ma'am."

**-+-10 years-+-**

"Dude, your mom's brutal. Funny, but fucking brutal."

"Tell me about it," I grumbled, wiping some sweat from my forehead.

Turns out my mom hadn't just expected us to wash her car. She had volunteered us to wash several of our neighbors' cars as well. Including Volturi's—masking it as us trying to do some 'good' for others and raise some money for some bullshit. Not sure who bought it, but I understood, again, what she was doing. In another roundabout way of hers, she was making us pay. She knew we fucked with his car, and instead of having us admit to it and publically apologize—something I would have sooner moved out than do—she included other people into it, while also trying to show people we weren't the deviants they thought we were. If only they knew.

It was hot as hell, and my plan to just lie around the house all day was shot to hell. Another part of her plan I'm sure.

"You going to Bella's party?" Royce asked from under the hood of Volturi's car. I looked from where I was bent down, cleaning his tires.

"What the fuck you doing?" I laughed, but panicked a little. Royce, for as cool as he was, was a crazy motherfucker at times; I didn't need him tinkering with shit.

"Making sure he has enough windshield wiper fluid." He grinned. I rolled my eyes, looking at the water bottle in his hands. The one that had a strangely yellowish liquid in it.

"You are completely on your own for that one," I warned him. "I'm only gonna go down for my own shit. Sorry."

"Understood." He laughed and nodded. "Now answer my question. Bella's party—you going?"

I shook my head no. "I'm grounded."

He gave me a skeptical look—and I knew why. "You're always 'grounded'. Since when does it actually effect what you do?"

"Since . . ." I don't know. "Since seeing the smile on my mom's face when I actually listen. If that makes sense," I tried to explain.

"I guess it does. An Esme smile is worth the bullshit—" he fanned his hands around to gesture to the cars on our driveway "—but what's that mean for you and Bella?"

"What's what mean?"

He huffed. "Y'all been doing a little dance around each other for a while now. It's getting kinda annoying to be honest."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"So you're not checking for Bella?"

"Haven't really thought about it." I shrugged. "I mean, yeah she's cute, but . . ."

"You saw those shorts she had on the other day?" He interrupted me. "Cute isn't the word I would use. I popped a fucking boner when she bent down to—"

"Shut the fuck up," I growled at him but he laughed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He was smugger than shit about me walking right into his set-up. "I mean fuck, you threatened to break my face."

"It was your jaw I threatened, actually. But yeah okay, maybe I am checking for her a little bit. "

"Then ask her out."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." I snorted.

"Man, I'm serious. If you can't tell she's into you, well . . ."

"Alright, how 'bout you tuck in your skirt and we dead this conversation?" I snapped, a little irritated. Best friend or not, I wasn't about to sit and talk to him about Bella. Had it been someone else, maybe, but she felt . . . off limits, I guess you can say.

I spent most of the next day mulling over what he said, though. I mean, he had to be right to an extent. She had asked me to be her date for her party after all, even though I knew she had turned down a few guys already. Damn. I had almost forgotten about her asking me. _Fuck!_I would have to say 'no' now, and the last thing I wanted or needed was to have her thinking I wasn't interested. I would have to find time to pull her aside and explain about me being grounded. Telling her I was opting out of her party to hang out with my mom would sound like utter bullshit.

I wasn't sure how to go about it, but when I was going through my pockets to get laundry done and a note fell out, I decided that would be the easiest thing to do. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say in the letter and even asked my mom for advice. Her suggestion to 'just be honest and tell her how I feel' had me feeling like asking her was the biggest fucking waste of my time.

"I'm not going to tell you to say things like her 'eyes shine brighter than the moon on a starry night'. It wouldn't be genuine."

I stared at her with a look of horror on my face. "Brighter than the moon on a starry night? Please don't tell me people actually say shit like that."

"They do. And they promptly get laughed at." My shoulders sagged a little. She was being no help. "You like her, right?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"And you want her to be your girlfriend?"

Hearing her actually say the word had my heart flip a little. "Uh . . . basically."

"Perfect! That's what you tell her."

And so that became the plan. Give her the note letting her know I like her and want her to be my girl. Simple enough—all she had to do was say yes.

Unfortunately, things didn't go as I had hoped. I asked Bella out, giving her the buffer of my "grounding" as time to think about it—but as days turned into weeks and she never got back to me, my hopes definitely deflated. We were friends, but it wasn't enough. Then when I heard Alec talking one day after school about the night he had with her, I wanted to throw up and punch him in the face. At the same time.

I had no reason to believe he wasn't telling the truth—it would sure as hell explain why Bella had been so hesitant to tell me yes—but what pissed me off was the _way_he talked about her. Bella wasn't that girl. She wasn't the girl you bragged and shared details about. She was one of the ones you keep under lock and key. One you do everything in your power to let her, and anyone who dared question it, know she's special.

When it came out he was lying, I was both relieved and pissed. I didn't bother hiding it and—after running into him, after the minor confrontation at school with Bella—he did a good job of hiding from me.

Originally, I only entertained the idea of going to the lame ass Halloween dance just 'cause I knew he would be there, but I decided I had more important things to worry about—like making Bella mine.

So I went to the dance with the latter as my goal.

My fucking jaw dropped when I saw her standing there in her shorts and button up shirt. She had a way of looking sexy yet shy at the same time.

I hadn't planned on bringing her to the party Jake had told me about, but I knew I wanted to spend more time with her and short of asking her to go to my house, I didn't know what else to ask. I knew she went to parties—we all did—but also knew she wasn't really a 'party girl', so I was shocked when she agreed so easily.

The party did not go how I thought it would. I almost lost my shit when I found her in the room hanging out with Tanya-fucking-Denali of all people. She was nasty just like her sister, and not just cause she hit on me even when were together but the shit they did. I couldn't stomach the thought of Tanya trying to slip Bella some shit. When I told Bella Tanya and her friends were into some heavy shit, I wish I was exaggerating but I wasn't. I knew first hand they knew no limits and bounds in the shit they tried. The last time I was with Tia, I walked in on her with some guy's head between her legs and another shoving a needle into her arm. I knew she was somewhat of a slut, so even though I was a little hurt and embarrassed, I wasn't shocked to walk in on her with someone or someone else's someone. But the needle … I shuddered … I had to draw the line somewhere. Maybe to some I was in no position to judge, but fuck that, I didn't need to be associated with the extra shit.

I tried to convey to Bella with my eyes and in my words, getting her out of there wasn't me trying to walk all over her, or tell her what to do, that is was for her own good and because I cared. She wasn't having it at first.

Our fight was kind of hilarious, but in the end, we got together and that's all that mattered.

However, the only people who were happy about this news were our close friends and my mother. Everyone else had something to say. Whether it was the assholes at school and even some chicks, who felt the need to inform me I wasn't good enough for Bella—as if I didn't already know that—to those who tried to convince her I was just using her, I was pretty pissed. Why couldn't people just mind their own fucking business? I tried to act unfazed about it in front of Bella but inside I was raging.

I remember stomping through the house after one of the girls at school had hit on me in an attempt to challenge my loyalty to Bella.

"Edward?"

"What!"

"Whoa there, killer," my mom said in a soothing tone. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. "People talking shit at school about me and Bella. It's grating on my nerves."

Ever the comforter, she talked me down from my anger—after complaining about my language. Reminding me it shouldn't matter what people say, as long as me and Bella wanted to be together, that's all that mattered.

I couldn't be fucking happier when people seemed to finally move the hell on from the topic. It shocked me that nothing else had gotten their attention beforehand because Bella and I weren't that interesting to be honest. I loved it though. She wasn't about drama and though I could tell she wasn't too impressed with some of the things I did, she let me be and never judged.

The only time I know she almost balked was when I told her I made some runs for Jake. The night had been going so good, and I had seemed to even win over her dad but with that little slip, I saw something in her eyes. It wasn't as bad as it sounded, so I had no problem telling her I would back off of dropping shit off for him.

That night, after her sitting on my lap for so long, I'll admit I had every intention of fucking her. But that all changed when I was fingering her and felt how tight she was. I realized we never once had _that _talk and it never dawned on me she would still be a virgin. I didn't know there were many girls that still were. I refused to take her virginity in a spare room at Jake's house with people just a few feet outside the door. I laughed at the thought, because technically that's exactly how I lost mine.

I was thankful when Bella was confident in herself and us to not think my turning her down was because I didn't want her. That couldn't have been further from the truth. Simply put, with every fiber of my being, I needed to show her she was different. Special. I know she never looked at me as the guy people seemed to think I was—a no good troublemaker with no goals—but I knew it was only a matter of time before she realized how much better she could be doing. I also wanted to give her time to think about it, should she want to change her mine. I knew how important a girl's 'first time' is.

Alas, she didn't change her mind. Instead she seemed to be more determined than ever. She thought I didn't notice her teasing and testing me from time to time, but I sure as hell did. I was just holding firm with my decision.

When she brought up the dance, I wanted to die. I didn't do school dances and functions and shit. I wasn't that guy. Not anymore. I barely liked being at school during regular hours, why would I want to dress up and go there on weekends? But, all it took was her begging eyes, lip pout and a 'please baby, for me' and I was asking 'suit' or 'tie'. It was our very own version of her telling me to jump and me asking how high.

No one was more surprised than me when I actually started enjoying myself. I could have been difficult and sulked in a corner, but what's the point? This was my girl's scene and I was determined to make sure she had a good night with her friends. Toward the end of the night though, with knowing what was coming after the dance, following our conversation in the car, I was restless as hell and ready to leave.

Bella's the first girl I allowed in my room, I'm not going to lie. I took pride in it. Originally it was just a regular drab basement, but when my mom gave me free reign to make it my room, I transformed into a mini-apartment. And with its own exit door, that's what it felt like sometimes. But more than that, it was my safe place, my domain. When I needed to be left alone, I locked myself in my room for hours, listening to music or sketching, painting, molding shit together. It was like therapy for me.

Bella's reaction to the mural—if that's what you want to call it—had me damn near bursting with pride. It didn't really mean anything, just abstract shit I swirled and weaved together into a design one particular rough weekend. I don't know why, but this specific weekend my mother was just intent on talking about my dad. No matter how much I told her to drop the damn subject—she wouldn't. I almost snapped, but instead I locked myself in my room and with my headphones on, and the 'glow in the dark' style paint that was on sale at the craft store, I did what I did best. I let my art soothe me.

I admittedly stalled when Bella and I first got back to my house after the dance, in the event she got too nervous. But my girl was as determined as ever. I could still see _some _anxiousness behind her eyes.

Making love to Bella was the best damn feeling in the world. Yeah, I had been with other girls before her, but this was a completely different experience. Not just because she was a virgin but because she was my girl and I was completely in love with her. I hadn't slept with someone I had such strong feelings for before.

It was almost physically impossible for me to let her go that night. A part of me wanted to just keep her in bed with me and take full advantage of her temporary extended curfew, but I didn't want that for her. For us. I didn't want to be that 'boy' who had her breaking rules all of the sudden, and staying out longer than she should. I had already asked her to sneak out a couple times before and I felt fucking horrid for it. I let her go, of course, but that lasted all of fifteen minutes before I parked down the street and snuck back into her room. She was leaving for L.A. for break and I wanted to spend every minute I could with her. Even if that meant sneaking into her room just to hold her while we slept.

**-+- 10 years -+-**

The first couple of days of break were hell. I had accepted the fact I would be spending the entirety of it alone and miserable, but I ended up having to go spend it with my not dying but very dramatic hag of a grandmother. So, basically, I still ended up having a miserable break without Bella. I just wasn't completely alone in my misery.

"I want to go home," I complained to my mom. "Why do we even come here? I'm not sure which of the two of you hates the other more."

Truth is, I didn't have much of an issue with my grandma per se—at least not when it came to me—but I just couldn't stand the way she treated my mother. And I wasn't sure why we still had to put up with her.

"Your dad would've—"

"Well, he's dead," I interrupted her; my voice monotone. I wasn't trying to be nasty. I was just stating fact. Regardless, I could tell my comment hurt her feelings.

"Yes, Edward. I'm aware. That does not change the fact she was his mother and no matter what issues her and I have, she is still your grandmother. Now play nice. It's just a few days. It won't kill you."

And that ended the conversation. I knew enough to not try and give her a hard time with the possibility of my grandma overhearing. My mom was already a horrible wife—in her eyes—I didn't need her to bring to question her mothering skills. I would have had to lose my shit on the old lady.

It was several days before I got to speak with Bella. Before leaving, she had given me a number to her cousin's private line she would be sharing a room with and told me I could call her anytime. So I did.

"Hello?"

I smiled. "Bella."

"Edward! Hey, what's going on? Where are you? Is everything okay back home? I've called your house a few times and no one's answered. And it's been freaking impossible to get in touch with the girls, and—"

"Whoa, whoa, breathe, Bella." I went on to explain to her about my mom's last minute decision to drive out and see my grandma in Chicago. As well as doing my best to placate her about her friends. I didn't really have an issue with them, but I couldn't understand girls, nor did I ever try to. I was sure they were just going through some BS and things would be fine once we returned to school.

We didn't leave Grandma Cullen's house until the day before school started back. So by the time we got in that morning, it was clear I was missing that day. I hadn't realized I slept most of the day away until that night when Royce barged into my room like a fucking maniac. When he explained to me what was going on at school and how everything had basically turned to bedlam all I could think about was Bella.

"Did her and Jane physically throw down?"

Royce shook his head. "I wasn't there. Some say it was just a shove by her locker. Others say it was a full out brawl. There's no telling, man."

"Fuck. I gotta go." I threw on a hoodie over my pajamas, grabbed my keys, and told him he was welcome to hang out but I wasn't sure how long I'd be. The entire ride to Bella's my hand was shaking. All I could think about was how much time she spent at Jane's house and if that fucker James ever so much as touched her, I have no idea what I would do.

I never had an issue with James Chase, but I sure as hell didn't trust him either. There was always something about the way he looked at the girls in the school that didn't sit well with me. But they all thought he walked on water.

My heart almost fucking shattered when I got to her house and she just about flew into my arms, sobbing. I did my best to reassure her, but I had no way of knowing if my promises that everything was going to be okay were true. Especially as the days passed and things seemed to be picking up steam instead of calming down. Bella never said anything, so I'm not sure she even knew, but there were some people questioning the same thing I was: If James ever came at her a certain way.

I did my best to comfort her during that time, even taking her to see Alice, but I could feel her slipping away from me. I couldn't imagine what having to watch your best friend deal with something like that did to your opinion of the male race.

Things didn't calm down. The day Alice came back to school was fucking brutal. I could have choked the shit out of whatever faculty decided it was a good day to have an assembly about sexual harassment and shit.

"There's no way I'm going to that."

I looked over at Royce's voice as I leaned against Bella's locker looking for her. I had had the same idea of skipping it and was wondering if she wanted to do the same. Royce must have figured that part out. "I saw her walking into the auditorium with Alice."

I nodded then stopped. "What were you doing by the auditorium?"

"I was looking for someone." He squirmed.

I figured as much. I smirked. "Who? Kate?"

"Fuck no. And no I'm not saying anything else." Patting his pocket to let me know he had something, he nodded his head toward the parking lot. I didn't prod, knowing he would tell me whenever he was good and ready.

After—what we thought—was a quick smoke, we made our way back inside only to see a shit ton of people crowded around. Some were even chanting, and I figured it was a fight. As I walked closer, I noticed Alice in tears, pleading with whoever was fighting to stop. For some reason I immediately knew it was Bella. It took me a second to intervene, almost getting lost in the sight of her beating the shit out of Carmen Hall—one of the school's first class bitches—but once I saw staff making their way over, I quickly grabbed her by her waist, pulling her off of Carmen.

"Let go of me." She thrashed in my arms. "Let me go."

"Shh. It's me baby, stop. You need to calm down." My voice did nothing to soothe her and it was useless anyway 'cause Volturi was ushering them away within seconds. I noticed Royce had his arms around Rosalie, and I quirked an eyebrow at him in question, as did Kate who was on the sidelines of the fight, but he pretended not to notice either of us.

The next day at school was pandemonium all over again. So it was a no-brainer for me halfway through the day that I wasn't going to be staying all day. As I was leaving, I noticed Alice walking down the street. I pulled over to the side, quickly rolling my window down.

"Need a ride?"

"Thanks, Edward." She smiled, hopping into the car.

"Don't sweat it. Where you headed?"

"Anywhere but home."

I frowned a little but sure as hell didn't ask her to elaborate on _why_ she didn't want to go home. "Ok, so where would you like to go then?"

"Have you talked to Bella?" she asked abruptly, and I shook my head. I knew her dad was going to pop a vein in his forehead at her getting in trouble at school. A part of me even worried he would find a way to blame it on me, so I didn't call her the night before and didn't want to wake her before school.

"Wanna go there?" I offered. With the need to see my girl, I would be heading there whether she wanted to or not, but I figured it would be nice to see if she wanted to tag along.

Readily agreeing, she asked if we could stop and pick up Rosalie, and though I didn't really feel like making another stop along the way—if I'm being honest—I also didn't want to have to leave again should Bella ask me to go and pick up her friend.

Rosalie didn't take long to get ready once Alice showed up at her doorstep. And once the three of us were in the car, it was inquisition time. At first I think they were just joking, maybe. I mean the first question out of Rosalie's mouth was 'what are your intentions with our Bella'. Charlie hadn't even asked me that. But once my mouth opened and I couldn't stop talking about how much she meant to me, the conversation kind of turned serious. In a move she thought was slick, but was far from, Rosalie started grilling me about Royce. We were far from friends, Rosalie and I, but we weren't enemies either. It didn't take a genius to figure out something was blossoming there, and it was clear we both loved Bella. So, for the time being, we called whatever tension there may have been between us, a truce.

When we got to Bella's, I was happy to see her but the smell of fresh-baked cookies distracted me. I was in a constant state of the munchies.

As the girls chatted on about whatever girls chatted about, I made my way into the kitchen, helping myself to the dessert I saw laying out over the stove. Realizing I was being a bit of a pig, I figured I would recruit the girls to be pigs with me, so I raided the fridge and brought out milk and ice cream—whatever I could find.

I must have walked in on some intense moment 'cause the look coming from those girls when I entered the room . . . yikes! When Bella noticed everything in my hand though, I was rewarded with a kiss, until Rosalie's gagging and subsequent complaining about Liam interrupted us.

I quickly made my way back into the kitchen, realizing I forgot spoons. And also because I had no desire to hear the details of her break up.

However, whatever they were talking about beforehand became irrelevant when I heard those two words. 'I'm late'.

Things became a blur from that moment on. From going to the store to get the test, telling Bella I had no intention of bailing out on her, bringing her to the clinic the next day—it all ran together. The drive, the doctor and his medical school speak, it was all an out-of-body experience. All I could think about was the night we had sex for the first time. It was on repeat over and over. As we were getting dressed, the realization the box of condoms on my dresser remained unopened hit me. I couldn't feel like a bigger piece of shit if I tried. Yeah, Bella was right—in a sense—when she attempted to take some of the blame, but I felt responsible. Felt like she trusted me and that everyone was finally starting to trust me with her only for me to let them down.

After dropping her at home, despite her protests, I called her phone a few times. I needed her. Need to see her, to speak to her. I needed to remind her I was all in. That I was sorry but I was ready for whatever was thrown at us. That I would be here, but she didn't answer. The next day I called her before and after school but to no avail, she wasn't answering my calls. My heart sank a little, thinking maybe she realized how badly I fucked things up.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" my mom finally asked, after a couple days of me moping around the house.

"I think Bella's mad at me."

"Did you guys break up?"

My eyes widened in panic. "Why would that be the first thing you thought of?"

With a hand raised in defense, she quickly explained she was just wondering and didn't mean to imply anything.

The next day at school when Royce casually asked me how Bella was threw me off. He assured me though, that he was just wondering because Rosalie mentioned the other day how Bella wasn't feeling well and he brought her over there to see her. It annoyed me she was clearly speaking to people in some fashion if Rosalie and Royce were over, yet she couldn't answer the damn phone knowing it could be me calling.

As soon as school was finished, I headed straight for Bella's house. I was shocked when her dad answered the door. I don't think I'd ever seen him at the house on a random Friday afternoon.

At first his face held no emotion and I rationalized that this was a good thing. He must not know anything that's going on or else he would have attempted to knock me flat on my ass. But then he dropped a bomb.

"Son," he had said. His voice remorseful and eyes filled with compassion. "I know about the situation you and Bella got yourself in."

It was the first time an adult, other than my mother looked at me and spoke to me like that in a long time and almost four years since someone called me 'son'. It did something to me I wasn't prepared for and in that moment, he had my full attention. I asked him to elaborate on what he meant, knowing to keep my poker face on and not divulge any information.

"Her mother found a pregnancy test under her bed." My body tensed. I was ready for the fall-out. Ready for the wrath of Charlie Swan to tell me I wasn't allowed within miles of his baby girl, but it never came. "Renee was the exact same age as Bella is now when she found out she was pregnant with her."

I sucked in a breath. "But she isn't . . . the doctor—"

"I know." He nodded. "I know the signs. I know she took care of it, and I can't say I respect your decision, but I do understand it. I was a freshman in college and Renee was a junior in high school when we had Bella. Renee had to give up a lot, put some things on hold. Her father was as strict as they come. He told her to make a choice and she did, but to him it was the wrong one. There was no support. None. He put her out of the house and it was just . . ." He shook his head, as if to clear it. "Things would have been a lot different, better, had he just been there. I'm disappointed in you, Edward." I frowned and my heart clenched. I hadn't realized before that moment how important it was for Bella's dad to like me. Not just for her sake but for mine. "But, I was there—in your shoes, in a sense. I know it takes two. And my _daughter_—"

"What about her?" I almost snapped, not liking the new tone of his voice.

"I don't know who she is lately. Fighting at school, getting suspended, having an abortion—she's always known how hard it was for her mother having her young. So I guess I get it, but I have no idea who this person is. It's not my Bella." Bile almost rose to my mouth at his words and the picture of the person he was painting. "Lying and sneaking around. I mean, the other day she was out all day with some boy when she promised she would stay home, knowing she was grounded." The bile churning in my stomach felt like it turned to lead, like someone just kicked me right in the gut.

"What boy?"

He shrugged. "I'm not sure. The neighbor saw her getting dropped off, but they didn't say they saw his face. Just that it was clearly a boy. When I asked if it was you, they said no."

I could barely process everything he was saying. I could feel myself slowly gasping for air. "Edward." I looked back up at Charlie, noticing he was out of focus. I realized my eyes were starting to water and I swatted at them angrily. I refused to cry. "Just be careful, son. I love my daughter but like I said, I don't know this person. I see you're trying to do well and I'd hate for you to get trapped in a situation you're not prepared for."

I drove home in a daze as Charlie's words echoed in my ears.

_Out all day with some boy._

_She's always known how hard it was for her mother._

_Fighting at school, getting suspended, having an abortion._

_I know the signs. I know she took care of it._

_I know she took care of it._

_She took care of it._

By the time I got to my house and walked into my room, I was livid. Seething. I was beyond hurt. Who the _fuck_ did Bella think she was to go off and make a decision like that without so much as telling me? I told her I loved her, she said she loved me too. I know I couldn't force her to want this, shit I didn't even know how I felt, but I was clearly not given the choice.

I stomped around my room, trying to calm down but when I noticed the framed picture of us she had giving me right before Christmas sitting on my dresser, I grabbed it and hurled it at the wall. "Bitch!" When it didn't shatter, it only served to piss me off even more. I walked over, picked it up and threw it against the other wall. "You fucking bitch!"

My body was shaking, I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I couldn't fucking see straight. I picked up my phone to call her. I had no idea what I was going to say but it didn't matter—she didn't answer. Almost yanking the phone out of the wall, I threw it to the ground. Anger started bubbling inside of me that I had no idea where it was coming from at first. It was rage, pain, and devastation. Betrayal.

When my mother walked into my room, trying to see what all the commotion was about—I hadn't even realized the destruction I was inflicting in my room—she walked right into wrath I didn't even know I possessed.

"Edward! What the hell?"

Shoulders tense, eyes blurred, and chest heaving, I slowly turned to face her. "Get out of my room."

My tone or maybe it was the look in my eyes, made her flinch but she stayed. "What the heck is going on? What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Edward." She moved to walk over and comfort me, but I stepped back. This argument was happening once and for all.

"Bella had an abortion." She gasped at my admission, probably 'cause she had no idea Bella and I were even going through any type of pregnancy scare to begin with. "And you know what?" I continued, an almost sinister smile on my face. "She didn't tell me. She had a fucking abortion and I had to find out from her _father _that she was even pregnant. I am sick and fucking tired of being the last to know about shit that effects me life, too. So answer me. ANSWER ME! Why didn't you fucking tell me?"

"Edward, he was sick, he didn't want you to—"

"No! NO! I am asking you god dammit! Why didn't you tell me? You _robbed_ me of time with my father. Weeks, months I could have spent with him. Time I'm never getting back 'cause _you_ decided it was best I didn't know. Who the _fuck_ are you to not tell me? I wasn't good enough? Strong enough?"

"Of course you were," she argued, voice thick with emotion. "We just didn't want to see you hurting when you didn't have to."

"Don't give me that."

"Day after day I watched your father deteriorate in front of me," she snapped. "You think I wanted that for you? You think that's something you'd be able to live with seeing on a daily basis?"

"YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHOICE! NO ONE GIVES ME A FUCKING CHOICE!"

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry." She finally walked up to me, gripping my face in between her hands. "For what you've gone through. What you're going through. I'm sorry Bella didn't tell you what she was planning and I'm really sorry it's bringing up memories of me not telling you your father had cancer. I am so sorry. But you can't stay angry at me forever. You can't stay mad at him forever."

And then it happened. I cried. Whether it was from anger, delayed mourning, or pure exhaustion, I'm not sure. But I stood there, arms wrapped around my mother and let her hold me while I cried 'til I felt my eyes burning with the need to sleep. I had no idea I could hold a grudge but that moment was one of the few moments I allowed myself to actually feel sadness versus anger and being jipped.

I spent the next few days in a daze, trying to wrap my mind around all the emotions surging through me. I knew I couldn't be mad at Bella for the choice she made. But try as I might, I couldn't help but be furious she didn't even have the decency to fucking tell me. Talk to me about it.

I had a few days to try and calm down, but when I still didn't get a phone call after a few days, the anger wouldn't dissipate. And the day she came back to school and wrapped her arms around me as if nothing happened, almost made me feel disgusted. I tensed and flinched at her touch. I wanted to hold her, comfort her 'cause I knew whatever she had gone through this past week must have been rough. But with her not telling me, and the matter of whatever guy she was spending time with . . . I could barely look at her.

When she stated—damn near demanded—she was coming over to my house after school, I almost snorted and told her to fuck off when she said _I _was the one who needed to tell her why I was clearly mad. She had to know I knew by now. Her dad must have told her I stopped by at the very least. But I was willing to play her game for a little while longer, let her bide her time until she figured out how she was going to tell me.

I figured out that was the last thing on her mind when she was all over me as soon as we got in the car. I gently pushed her off of me but feeling rejected she didn't relent.

"Is this what you want?" I grabbed her ass, bringing her forcefully to me as soon as we go to my room. "Huh? You want me to fuck you, is that it?" _Is that all I'm about? _I added in my head. She nodded, guilty tears brimming at her eyes. I closed mine, not wanting to cave emotionally and let my body react to her. I know I was rougher than normal, rougher than I should have been with her—a part of me even wondered if she_should_ be having sex yet—but I shook it all off. I would later regret and she would make me pay for using her like that, but at the moment I didn't think on it. Didn't care.

I sat looking at her for what felt like hours, willing her to tell me something. Admit something to me but she didn't. Instead choosing to complain about what I was smoking. _Really? _I was getting more and more annoyed by her and finally I snapped. "It's not like you're pregnant." If she was I would never smoke around her. When she then had the nerve to ask me what I was talking about, I couldn't hold the rest in.

"You're unbelievable," I told her, reminding her of everything I said to her. "I told you I was in this with you. How could you go back to the clinic and just . . ." I shook my head. I couldn't even repeat the words. "I love you. Jesus fucking Christ, I love you but that doesn't mean shit does it? Yeah, we're young as fuck and whatever, you made your choice, what the fuck ever. But don't you think this is something you should have told me? I go from leaving the doctor's with you and not even knowing . . . to finding out . . ." I started stammering over my words. "And who's this guy you were hanging out with? You know . . . At first when your father told me—" She stopped me, making me repeat what I had just told her. I chose the most important aspect, repeating, "He told me you took care of it."

The look on Bella's face then was like something I'd never seen, and before I could stop her she was out the door in my car saying she was going to confront her father.

I was annoyed. Couldn't that wait?

I paced around my room waiting for her. Not long after she left, I thought I heard her parking and coming in through the front door and I rushed up the stairs. Only it was my mom.

"Oh."

"Hey, honey. You're home. I didn't see your car outside."

"Yeah." I sighed. "Bella took it."

She pursed her lips. "Is she coming right back?"

"I think so."

"Good." She nodded. "I would like to speak with both of you."

"What about?"

"About your relationship, Edward." She looked at me like I was an imbecile. "Now, I have no idea what kind of talks Renee has had with her daughter, but to be honest I don't care at this point. I don't frankly like the fact my son's girlfriend was pregnant and no one had the decency to tell me."

"Join the club," I muttered dryly. Her eyes snapped to mine in a glare. Okay, I wasn't aware this was no longer an actual conversation.

"In any case, if this is going to continue. This relationship . . . ground rules of some sort need to be set in place."

I quirked an eyebrow at her—was she serious? I didn't press it and before I could give her a snarky comment, 'cause trust me I had a few waiting, she sent me to the grocery store to pick up a few things for her.

When I got back I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my car sitting pretty on the driveway. That relief was squashed when I saw the look on my mother's face when I walked in the house. She looked like she had been crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, honey." She shook her head. "Bella needs you right now. She's in your room."

Fighting the urge to ask her what happened to wanting to talk to us about 'ground rules' I slowly made my way down to my room not sure what was waiting for me exactly.

What I found was Bella curled up in my bed, in a fetal position, and her body shaking violently from her cries. I crumbled. Even though I assumed they were guilty tears, I still couldn't handle seeing her like that. The minute I pulled her into my arms her sobs got harder.

"Talk to me," I demanded. My voice was harsh but I couldn't control it.

"I-I didn't . . . My dad . . . I wasn't . . . and he . . . Mckenna . . ."

She wasn't making any sense, barely able to speak over her uncontrollable tears. The few words she was able to get out were thick with emotion. I held her until she calmed down. It took a while but it got to the point that she was so quiet, so still, I almost thought she cried herself to sleep.

Finally she spoke, her voice soft, broken, "I didn't do what you think I did, Edward. I . . . I think I had a, Umm . . ."

"What?"

"I think I had a false alarm. I . . . I got my period."

My body tensed, and I moved her away from me. "Don't lie to me, Bella." I could hear it in her voice. I could tell she wasn't telling me the truth. She got quiet and then I could hear her breath picking up as if she was trying to gain control of her emotions again. "What is it?" I cradled her face in my hand. "Bella, for the fucking love of God just talk to me. Please. Just admit it, I already know. And . . . and I can get passed you lying to me, just—"

She yanked her face out of my hands, my attempt at compassion completely backfiring. "I didn't lie to you, you jackass!" she shouted, jumping off my bed. "My fucking father did. And you're an asshole for not coming to me when he told you his bullshit! Not that I feel I even own you a fucking explanation for the way you acted but I didn't . . ." she shook her head. "I didn't lie. You want me to tell you I was pregnant? I can't! I don't fucking know what happened okay? Maybe I had a miscarriage, maybe it was a false alarm for real, who knows!"

I gasped, and got up to try and comfort her but she moved away from me. "You lost our . . ."

"I just told you I don't know," she snapped. "You wanna know what I do know though?" It wasn't a real question but I nodded anyway. "I know that when I got home from the doctor, the first day, my parents were waiting for me with the test on the table. I know that my mother lost her shit and told me she regretted having me and that my father called me a _whore._" I blanched and my fist curled into a ball. This served to only anger more. "Don't get protective now, Edward. 'Cause you know what else I know? Not even an hour ago, that's exactly how you treated me—like a fucking whore. But don't worry I needed you so much just needed you to fucking hold me that bad that I let you."

Again I attempted to move to her but she backed away again. "Let me hold you now," I pleaded but she glared at me.

"Fuck you! Wanna know what else I know? I know that as I spent days, _days_ in bed cramping and bleeding, that I dealt with that shit all by myself. Here I was trying to spare you the emotional bullshit and instead you're quick to believe—"

"I didn't ask you to spare me anything, Bella! What the fuck! Why do people feel they need to protect me from shit?"

"You do _not_ want me to answer that," she spat—face sinister.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I couldn't help but feel as though this was a slap in the face of some sort. I realized she must have spoken to my mom. "You don't know shit about what I'm capable of handling!"

"And you know less about what I'm capable of if you think I would keep something as big as a fucking abortion away from you!"

"You kept a possible miscarriage though right?!"

We both went silent then. I hadn't realized we were practically screaming in each other's faces until she put her head down at my comment. She looked broken, defeated.

"Let me hold you," I whispered again. This time she complied wrapping her arms around my waist and burying her head in my chest. "I'm sorry," I said thickly. "I can't imagine what you went through. But, Bella, I wish you had told me."

"I would have eventually, I just . . ." she trailed off and started sniffling again. "He laughed at me."

"Huh?"

"My dad," she croaked. "When I walked into his office, I found him with Mckenna. He laughed at me. Asked me what I was doing there. Told me my mom wouldn't believe me 'cause he would just tell her I was upset about him telling you what I did. I lost it. I told him he was a good for nothing cheating bastard. That he had no right to lie to you like that. And even if it had been the truth, he had no fucking right to intervene. It wasn't his place."

My heart cracked. Up until that second, I hadn't even realized her dad had blatantly lied to me. I felt stupid, I felt like a fool. For a second, I guess I thought he was looking out for me . . . bonding, I guess. I'm sure he knew that too. I shook my head of my thoughts because it wasn't about me at the moment.

I continued to hold Bella, eventually pulling her to my bed and setting her in my lap until she said she wanted me to take her home.

I tried to apologize, again, when we got to her house but I could tell a good amount of damage was already done. I only had myself to blame. Bella lost faith in me, I could see it in her eyes. I promised her silently I would do anything I could to make it right, to repair the carnage just a few days had done to us and our trust in each other.

I was certain I was going to lose her. And had it not been for her clinging onto me because of the drama that erupted at her house over the next month, I probably would have.


	10. Chapter 10

***Ten.***

**BPOV**

Time. It's one of those funny things. When you want it to speed up, it's as if it stands still, or even—if possible—found a way to go backwards. When you want it to slow down, it's as if hours tick by within seconds.

Before I knew it, the morning of trial had arrived and I sat staring at the alarm clock as it blared with its set time. Truth is, I had been awake long before the alarm sounded, trying to almost will the time not to arrive, but such powers don't exist.

I'm not sure how long it sounded over and over, the constant _beep, beep, beep,_ before a hand reached from around me with a groan and slapped down on the offending small machine.

"Are you awake?" Edward sleepily asked, bringing his hand away from the clock to rest on my thigh. I nodded my head, not being able to find my voice. "Did you want to shower first?" I shrugged, causing him to sigh. "Can you look at me, please?"

I turned in his arms to look at him, my blank expression causing his forehead to crease. Not only was my face void of emotions, I'm pretty sure my eyes were as well.

I felt as if I had no emotion left to offer. Over the past month, I had exhausted every one out there. I cried. I vented. I pulled away. Now I was just tired; spent. And over it all.

The only thing that offered me some sort of solace and normalcy was Edward. And even our situation was far from normal. The month found me almost moving in with him and Esme. She didn't seem too keen with the idea, and I couldn't blame her. No mother wants their son's teenage girlfriend shacking up with them. But I knew deep down, the only reason she entertained the idea was because she preferred me staying with them than Edward staying with me wherever I was and not knowing what was happening between us.

Being at home was no longer an option. My father had moved out and my mother had turned into somewhat of a zombie. If that's what you want to call her constant drunken state. I get it, her marriage had pretty much fallen apart. But after the second time I had to come home from school to find her on the couch, covered in her own vomit—I made it clear she needed to make a choice. It wasn't my place to forgive my father on her behalf, but if being away from him made her that miserable, she needed to find a way to work it out. If not, she needed to at least take it easy on the booze. She didn't choose either, and so I made the choice myself.

I remember laughing bitterly at my father the day after I got the court summons. I never had the chance to tell my mother what I walked in on, but he assumed I did. He never came home and first thing in the morning, he rushed to her with excuses as to why I said what I did.

I looked at him with a cocky glare, not bothering to tell him I hadn't mentioned anything yet as he dug himself into a grave. When my mother saw the way I was looking at him, not denying what I saw, she went crazy and started wailing on him. I'd never seen her with so much fury. She kept shouting over and over, as she smacked the shit out of him, how she had forgiven him once before and now he did it to her again.

I was shocked and effectively lost all respect for my father.

I tried to be there for my mom, tried to comfort her, but within days, she turned into a different person. I couldn't sit around and watch her slowly killing herself. I couldn't stand the sight of her basically deteriorating in front of me. When I had the conversation with Edward and Esme, explaining to her why I couldn't stay at home at least for a few days, it sparked up a topic I didn't even expect.

Carlisle Cullen.

Edward's father, who died of cancer and who after finding out, packed up his things and left his wife and son, not wanting them to watch him die. With a clenched jaw and tight grip on my hand, Edward sat with me as I listened to his mom explaining how she thought he had left her for someone else. How after tracking him down, she found out he was sick, and together they decided they wouldn't tell Edward, not wanting him to remember him ailing and dependent on everyone around him.

It was a strange paradox to compare my situation to. My homelife was far less tragic, but her piss-poor reasoning was that she would never wish for a child to watch their parent in that state, so she would allow me to stay. I later pulled her aside and asked her never to pull that shit again. If she wanted to try and convey a message to her son, she was not to use me in the process. Then I cried out an apology because I had no idea what she must have gone through. I felt my mother's situation was self-imposed. Edward's father's was not.

We had no way of knowing 'a few days' to let my mother calm down would turn into a month. The rule started out as me sleeping in the spare room upstairs, but that didn't last long.

Things were strained with me and Edward for a little bit. At night when I would lie still and he would hold me, if his hands started to wander, I would pull away. Things had been better, but it did nothing to clear my mind to concentrate on what today would bring.

"Try not to think too much about all of it," Edward whispered, pinching my chin to look at him again as my eyes must have drifted with my thoughts. "Just go up there, answer their questions, and we'll leave."

"What do you want for breakfast?" I changed the subject.

He didn't press it. "Whatever you wanna make is fine." He pressed a quick kiss to my mouth. "I'm gonna hop in the shower though."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen in just his shirt. I didn't have to worry about Esme. She always left early for work. Then after school we would normally hang out at Black's house. By the time we came home, she would be sleeping. At times it almost felt like Edward and I were living alone. Playing house.

On the outside—and to other teenagers—I'm sure it looked like a great existence. Living with my boyfriend with almost no one to answer to, but the situation we created, the almost co-dependency, was wearing on us, testing our strength. We still had another few months left of school and I knew it was only a matter of time before I wore out my welcome.

I busied myself in the kitchen, making a quick batch of pancakes and bacon for Edward and fixing a bowl of fruit for myself as I didn't have much of an appetite.

"Smells great." I smiled and turned around at Edward's voice, handing him a plate of the pancakes. "Wow, looks great too." I beamed under his praise. In my new role of 'pretend housewife', I always tried to put something together for him in the mornings before school and afternoons when we were home. He always made sure to thank me accordingly and for that I was more grateful than I think he understood.

Looking at the clock, I realized we didn't have much time before we had to get to the courthouse. So I took the easy way out and plunked some of the bacon in the microwave before hurrying down the stairs to shower and change. I threw on some slacks and a blouse, grabbing a cardigan along the way before checking to make sure Edward was finished with everything in his room and our bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm done!" he called out from the top of the stairs. "Hey, by the way . . . Royce called to see if we wanted him to pick us up with Rosalie, but I told him we'd just ride alone. That okay?"

I didn't answer him right away, since I was already making my way up the stairs and wrapped my arms around his neck pecking a kiss on his cheek. "Yes. Thank you." I loved Rosalie and even learned to really like Royce—the four of us spent so much damn time together it was inevitable—but I needed the time alone to just think. Prepare myself.

Rosa didn't need that time, because she hadn't been called up to testify. After finding out what happened with James, the Chase's weren't stupid. And Alice had told us she didn't repeat any of it to her parents for fear they would have her called up. I still wasn't sure what they expected from me. The preliminary meeting I had with James' attorney or whatever, all he did was ask me—over and over—if James was ever lewd or derogatory with me. I wasn't sure what else I had to possibly offer their case.

In the blink of an eye, Edward and I were parked outside of the courthouse.

"You don't have to go in." He squeezed my hand. "I can pull out of this parking lot right now. Consequences be damned."

I smiled but shook my head. I didn't want to think of all the possible consequences, for me or my parents, at me not showing up at court.

He nodded in understanding, not letting go of my hand and pulling me to get out of the car on his side. It was a slow, silent walk inside. Through the metal detectors, the elevator, the long hall.

I expected people outside, waiting to be let into the courtroom, but when we got there, everyone, and I mean everyone, was already there.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I hissed at Edward, nodding to my father.

"Don't worry about him."

He stood when he saw me, as if he was going to greet me, hug me? I don't know. But the look on my face and me burrowing myself into Edward's side under his arm made him stop, and sit back down.

I looked around and frowned when I noticed my mother wasn't there.

"Right here," Edward whispered, nudging my side when we saw Royce.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked him, after greeting him with an awkward hug.

He glared a little to my right. Glancing over, I noticed Jane looking in our direction. "Alice had a little run-in with Jane. Rose is in the bathroom trying to calm her down." Part of me frowned, wondering what Jane had said, the other part of me offered Royce a small smile at the nickname only he gave to Rosalie.

Looking around, I noticed a lot of faces I didn't recognize. "Who are all these people?" I whispered to Edward. He shrugged. I grinned sheepishly, realizing it was a bit of a dumb question, then leaned into his shoulder and closed my eyes. The bright lights of the courtroom were almost giving me a headache. I remember coming to court with my dad a couple of times when I was younger, thinking he was so cool. Thinking I wanted to be just like him. But now it would only serve to bring bad memories.

Edward tightening his hold around my shoulder almost painfully made me snap my eyes open. I looked over and saw Rosalie had returned and was seated to my left. Alice, along with her parents, were seated in front of us. But what caused his reaction, his protective instinct was the bailiff, or whoever, leading James in. You could hear a pin drop as a few girls in the room dropped their heads. I didn't. I stared into his eyes. They were cold. Dead. He raised an eyebrow at me and I did the same before his lawyer noticed and told him to sit down.

Blood felt like it rushed to my ears. I didn't hear what the judge said, didn't hear what each side had to say with their opening arguments or whatever. I didn't listen as a guy I didn't recognize was sworn in and spent a couple minutes on the stand. I heard nothing until the court called 'Isabella Swan' to the stand.

My body froze, I felt paralyzed. "Bay." I looked over at Edward as he nodded toward the front. "I'm right here. If you need to focus on anything, I'm right here, okay?"

I felt my head bob up and down on its own accord as I swallowed thickly. I made my way to the front on shaky legs. After getting sworn in, James' lawyer—who was too much of a fat, lazy ass to get up from his seat— asked me a few questions. Simple things like how long I'd know him before it started to feel like I was the one on trial.

"Of the time you spent at the Chases' over the years, what percentage of time would you say you spent _alone_ with my client?"

"Total?" I furrowed my brows. "Umm . . . fifteen, twenty percent maybe."

"And of that, what percentage of time would you say my client made you feel uncomfortable?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He had already asked me that question in several variances in the few minutes I had been up there. The other lawyer must have noticed the same thing because they objected. It was sustained.

"Did my client ever hit on you?"

"No."

"Did _you_ ever make any advances toward my client?"

"Of course not."

I saws James lean over and whisper something in his ear. The fat bastard grinned at whatever he said. "Miss Swan, how long did you have a crush on my client?"

"I do not have a crush on your client."

"Did you ever?"

"When I was younger yes, but—"

"And isn't it true, that in fact, on one occasion you attempted to kiss my client? However he turned you down? Saying you were too young? That he didn't like younger girls?"

"What?! No!"

"When you were thirteen, Miss Swan, did you or did you not engage in a game of 'Truth or Dare' where my client chastised a friend of his for kissing you because he felt you were too young?"

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry. Is that a yes or no?"

"Yes."

"And, Miss Swan, in that same game when my client was 'dared' to kiss you, did he not reject your attempt at a kiss."

I was getting pissed. "He said he looked at me like a little sister, so yeah, I would hope he didn't want to kiss me. My age had nothing to do with it on his part." I remember him not having an issue kissing Kate Smith that day. A time when we were all friends. I didn't add that part though. It was clear Lawyer Lazy ass hadn't expected me to bite back with that comment. I felt slightly victorious, but then shit went to hell.

"Miss Swan, how long have you known Miss Brandon?"

"We became friends at the beginning of the school year."

"And what do you know about her? Does she have the propensity to lie?"

The lawyer objected to that question. It was sustained.

"How close of friends do you consider yourself and Miss Brandon?"

"She's one of my best friends."

"Did you know she is adopted?"

My eyes went a little wide and they snapped to Alice's face. It was clear she hadn't expected that question either. I shook my head in answer, but he demanded I speak out loud.

"No! No, I didn't know she was adopted."

"I take it then, you didn't know she had some behavioral issues at her last school."

"That I did, actually." I was smug at that. She was at a school for the gifted—smart kids—and her lack of desire to participate and overly socialize was considered a behavioral problem because participating in activities was a major part of her grade.

"But you didn't know she was adopted?"

"I just said I didn't," I snapped.

"So it's safe to say Miss Brandon has the tendency to tell only half truths?"

I had had it. "Because she's adopted and didn't tell me? Is that the half truth? Because I fail to see how her choosing to keep that part of her life to herself has anything to do with the fact James beat the shit out of her after she told him she didn't want to have sex with him."

I almost expected some sort of reprimand at my outburst but it didn't come. "Were you there, Miss Swan? When this alleged incident occurred? Did you see my client beat on your friend as you say?"

"I saw the bruises afterward."

"And you're certain _my client_ caused them?"

He thought he had me there, thought he was cornering me into saying no. Trick me into being able to turn my words around. If I said 'no, I wasn't sure', he would turn around and ask me if I didn't believe Alice. Paint her as a liar. If I said I was certain—he would throw it back in my face that I said I wasn't there to actually see it. He must not have realized he was fucking with a lawyer's kid.

"As I said, sir, I wasn't there. I can't say for certain what happened. However, since your client was arrested and is now on trial, it's safe to assume _someone _thinks he caused them."

He didn't have questions for me after that, and after a few simple ones from the state—asking me a few bizarre questions in regards to if I knew of any of James' girlfriends away at school, and I was sent back to me seat. My steps faltered when I saw my mom sitting in the back, an exhausted yet proud look on her face. I nodded to her but went and sat back next to Edward. He kissed my temple and wrapped his arms around me as soon as I sat. "You did great, sweetheart."

"Thanks," I breathed. It felt good to get it over with. Rosa gripped my hand, and without looking back at me, I saw Alice reach behind her. I clasped our fingers and squeezed tightly.

James' lawyer called about two more people up on his behalf before we were released for recess. I immediately went to my mother's side and threw my arms around her as she apologized over and over. "Come home," she pleaded, and I nodded into her shoulder.

Once testimonies resumed, she came up and sat with Alice's parents, as my father stayed on the other side with the Chases.

I was so damn proud of Alice when she was called up. She held her own under 'Lazy Bastard' lawyer, only letting her voice waiver when she was forced to re-tell everything that happened that night. Forced to look at pictures the cops took. It had been far worse than what I saw when I had gotten back from L.A. and my heart clenched for her.

A couple hours later, and a few more 'testimonies' from a few people I'm sure James' lawyer felt blindsided by and the day was called to order to allow the jury time to deliberate.

I noticed Alice and a few of the girls who were called to testify against James eyeing each other in support and in sympathy afterward. I wasn't sure they would ever speak, but I sensed a feeling of understanding pass through them after hearing their experiences they had with James.

"I'm heading back to work," my mother said, hugging me by Edward's car. "I'll see you at home later."

I nodded, squeezing her in return. "Yes, ma'am."

Knowing Edward wasn't much of a fan of her at the moment, she didn't really say much to him, only giving him a small greeting. But even if he didn't see it in her eyes, I saw the gratitude there. He and his mother took care of me when she couldn't.

The next day, as if in silent agreement, none of us went back to the court to hear James' fate. Either outcome, for me, was almost too much to bear. I wanted him locked up and the key thrown away for what he did to my friend, the things he did to those other girls. At the same time, I felt for the Chases—a family I considered part of my own for years.

It was toward the end of the day when Alice was called out of one of our classes to the principal's office. When she returned, her face was blank but she was walking different. More freely.

She didn't say anything as she sat down at her desk and ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook, scribbled on it, then passed it to me.

**_Guilty!_**


	11. Chapter 11

***Eleven.***

Everything changed after the trial—some for the best, others for the worst.

As requested by my mom, I went back home. Not the same day, but the following night after we all learned of the verdict. I foolishly thought Edward would be happy about it. Being together so much, being in each other's faces 24/7 was draining. He knew it and I knew it. And we both noticed the look of pure relief on Esme's face when I thanked her for everything but told her it was time for me to go home. My welcome was on the brink of being overstayed that was for sure.

Edward wasn't though. He was so unhappy in fact, that for the first week or so, all we did was fight. If I asked him to do something or go somewhere with me, it didn't take much for him to make comments like 'If you still stayed at my house it would be easier' or 'since you're back home now, ask your mother'. I didn't understand it. All I know is that it hurt; especially when one of those comments came while I was at his house one night and I asked him to take me to the doctor to get another script for my birth control.

"What time is your appointment?"

"Umm ... four I think or maybe four-thirty."

He hummed, not looking up from the book he was writing or drawing in. "Yeah, sorry I have something to do for Black tomorrow right after school."

"For Black?"

"Not that," he snapped.

"Then what? What's so important? I'm asking you to take me to the _doctor_ for my _birth control._ You know so the shit we went through a couple months ago won't happen again."

"Shit? We went through some shit? No, if memory serves me correctly, I was pretty much left in the dark for that."

"So we're going back to that are we?"

He shrugged.

"Fine. Maybe I'll just ask . . ." I clamped my mouth shut.

"Who? Ask who?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

He still had no idea Royce had taken me to the clinic that day, and I didn't want to tell him. I wasn't sure how he would react and Royce had become such a central part in my life—being my best friend's boyfriend—that I didn't want to fuck anything up.

"Just forget it," I sighed. "I'll figure something else out."

"If you were still here, I would have just let you borrow my car."

That's bullshit 'cause I still didn't have a license. "That's not even the point."

"Then what is?"

"I'm asking _you_ to take me—to go _with_ me."

He relented and went but he was such a grumbling asshole the entire time, I regretted him coming.

And that's how things became for us. The constant bickering and throwing things back in each other's faces.

One night things got so heated and words got so intense, I did the only thing I could think to do—I broke up with him.

It only lasted a couple of days but I felt deep down we were at a point of no return.

He apologized—he did. Over and over in fact, but it didn't make things better. He still expected me with him at all times, felt insecure when I wasn't, and would make a big stink if I didn't want to spend time with him. Part of me relished in it—how bad he needed and wanted me. The other part of me felt a little scared by it. It was too extreme.

As far as school went, surprisingly, it didn't take a long time for things to calm down after the trial. It was almost instant, and I think, to everyone's credit, it's because they knew it was time to let it go—move on to something else. Give Alice a break. That or they were just exhausted with talk of it all. I know I was.

Alice and her parents left right after, saying they were going on a much needed—extended—vacation, and promised to be back in time for school to start. I wasn't so sure.

The Chases left town as well and without so much as a parting word to me from Jane. I want to say it stung, but I wasn't sure. For many years I had loved Jane like she was my sister, and I understood her need to protect her brother, but I had no idea she was so nasty deep down inside. I didn't want any part of that in my life, ever.

I don't know how to describe my relationship with my mother. I can't say it was non-existent 'cause we were both involved in each other's lives, but the roles were reversed. She tried, I guess, but she wasn't there anymore—physically. She went through the motions as best she could, but the pain behind her eyes, the toll everything took on her body was evident. She lost weight, she missed worked, and as the weeks rolled on, I found myself constantly making sure she ate, making sure she remembered to pay certain bills, and all around just making sure she remembered she needed to survive—for me.

Now things with me and my father on the other hand—that was a non-existent relationship. I don't know what his situation was with my mother, I can't say that I cared to be honest. If she would have chosen to take him back that would have been on her. I wouldn't have had a thing to say about it. However, where things stood with us, I wanted nothing to do with him.

It went so far past his blatant attempt at sabotaging things with me and Edward. Past his affair, or whatever went on with Mckenna. Maybe it was the combination of all of it, I don't know. But more importantly, I couldn't trust him to love me, to be there for me, to be a father to me.

It's sad really, it got to the point where I looked around and realized I didn't really have anyone to lean on—depend on.

I should have felt that with Edward—I did, to an extent. But I wasn't sure anymore. He tried to act as if he didn't, but I could see it in his eyes, the way he spoke, that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Almost as much as I did.

We were kids, but all these people in our lives seemed to expect this level of maturity from us, the ability to handle all the shit that was getting thrown at us and then some.

Summertime couldn't have come fast enough. I needed to get the hell out of Dodge. And the one motherly thing my mother did was agree with me and consent to help me pay for whatever vacation I needed. She said she had been talking with Rosalie's mom and they wanted to send us on a trip together to get our minds off of everything this year brought us. Then after that, I could spend some time with our family in California or maybe in New York.

I don't think it mattered, to her or to me. I just needed a freaking break. But before that, I knew I needed to speak with Edward. School was wrapping up in less than two weeks, so I asked him if I could come over so we could 'talk'.

"So what do you want to do for the summer?" I asked him. It was a fun night, a light night where we were lying on his bed, cuddling—tickling each other, and just talking. It was almost like things were with us in the beginning. Almost like we knew what was coming and were holding on to the way we were before, for one last time.

He snorted. "My mom's been talking about taking a vacation. She said we all needed a break after the year we had.

"All the parents must have had that same talk," I laughed. "My mom and Rosa's said the same thing." I paused, still not sure how to say what we both knew we needed to. "So, where you going?"

"She's thrown around sending me to see my cousin's in Brazil." He rolled over, making us lie on our sides facing each other.

"Well, that would be nice." I scrunched up my face. "If you, Gustavo, and Kaure didn't have a huge ass language barrier."

"I know some Portuguese," he insisted.

"Sure you do," I teased. But my face fell quickly.

"Just say it, Bella. What's on your mind?"

"These long vacations," I started slowly. "Umm . . . what does this mean for us? You know us being in different countries and stuff for two months."

"I'm wondering the same thing," he whispered, but by the look on his face, I knew exactly what he was wondering. Because I had been tossing around the same idea over and over in my head.

We loved each other, fiercely, but it didn't change the fact we both knew what was right for us. Maybe it was the easier way out, maybe we should have fought but truth be told, I think we were done fighting—for and with each other. There was nothing left in us.

And when it was time for us to go on our respective vacations, we both left … single.


	12. Chapter 12: Junior Year

**A/N: A reminder of my disclaimer: I believe in HEA, but my characters—especially in this genre—work for it. And it's only a guarantee for the main characters. In this case E/B. Everyone one else are pawns I'm willing to sacrifice if need be. Consider yourselves warned and keep tissues ready from here on out just in case ;-)**

* * *

***Twelve.***

**_(Junior Year)_**

Junior year brought with it more trials, tribulations and overall bullshit than sophomore and freshman year combined.

As expected, Alice didn't come back. Sometime during the summer, the Brandons packed up their things and moved. We exchanged emails constantly, but I knew she didn't miss the town or physically coming to school. So she, along with her parents, decided she would do homeschooling for a while. I guess it was for the best. She didn't have to deal with the kids here or having to be the new girl ... again.

And I understood it, but I felt the ache of not having my friend around. Rosalie was still a constant in my life. We spent two weeks straight on a cruise over the summer—had one of the best times of my life, but she and Royce were heavy and intense, so our hanging out time, with just the two of us, was few and far between.

Somehow they became a bit of a power couple. Gone were the days of Royce seeming creepy. He was sweet, respectable and the girls fawned all over him—much to Rosa's dismay. He had started growing on me long before. It was the four of us against the world for the better half of sophomore year. But now it was different, and it was due in part to Rosalie and his brother Riley.

Riley was a senior that year, still the most desirable guy in the school and with us being juniors, their cliques mixed together seamlessly.

The only person that seemed to be missing from that was Edward.

I don't know what happened to him over the summer, but when I came back from my trips, he wasn't the same person. He was rude and crude and it broke my heart to see. I knew something must have happened, but he made it clear it was no longer my business.

I couldn't say seeing him again after two months apart had my heart doing the same flutters it did before, but the point is, it did flutter at least a little bit. His brashness and cold demeanor, however, killed any chances of us getting back together. I don't think it was until that moment did I realize how much I assumed we would have just picked things back up where we left them.

I didn't let it show. I walked around and made sure a smile was permanently in place on my face. The last thing I wanted was the people who plotted and prayed for our demise last year to know not only did they win, but it affected me as well.

The façade could only last so long, though.

"Did you hear?"

I looked up from my locker to see Rosalie standing there with a disgusted look on her face. I rolled my eyes because I had a pretty good feeling what she was going to tell me. I had heard the rumors all morning.

"Hear what?"

"Ugh . . . that Edward and that Charlotte chick are a thing now—like officially going out."

Even though I heard it floating around earlier in the day, I couldn't stop the frown that formed. We'd been back in school almost a good solid two months now—so four months since we broke up—but hearing about him with someone else wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be.

The other thing with the frown was because of Charlotte in general. She didn't come to our school last year, but she was well known around town. In fact, she was the pregnant chick that was there the night at the party Edward flipped on me—thinking I was doing drugs with Tanya. Charlotte stood against everything I stood for. My exact opposite in every way, yet he went for her. It was bizarre.

"I'm sorry." Rosalie frowned. "I thought you'd want to know."

"Not, it's okay. I already heard, actually."

"From Edward?"

"No … just around." I shrugged.

"Well, maybe you should ask him, you know. It might not be true."

I shrugged again and closed my locker. "I guess it doesn't matter. If it's not Charlotte, it's a matter of time before it's someone else."

"I guess you're right." Rosa reached for a hug. I returned it tightly, holding on to her longer than she expected. "If you need to talk or vent … you know I'm here, right?"

"Of course."

"And Bella—you're hotter than her anyway." I let out a giggle. "And not as dirty, ugh."

I desperately wanted to change the subject at that point. I'd been a part of the rumor mill before and it wasn't pretty. I didn't like Charlotte, and from the first day she walked into our school, she didn't like me either. But that didn't mean I wanted to venture into the hearsay of who her baby's father was, the fact she lost custody, or maybe gave him up for adoption, or her supposed drug addiction. Really, the list went on. I felt bad for her—the shit talk about her life ran a gambit of subjects some of us never even dealt with yet.

"Anyway, I have to get to class. I heard we're getting assigned partners for a project in English and I need to make sure I claim someone who actually does their work."

She laughed. "Yeah, best of luck with that."

I grumbled all the way to class, knowing she was right and my hopes were fruitless. Whenever there was a group project, there was always a guarantee one person would be dead weight.

When I got to class, it was clear everyone from earlier periods had shared the insider information as well, because no one was in their regular seats. I stalked to the back corner and flopped down in a seat next to a kid by the name of Mike Newton. He was notorious for being a lazy ass.

"Great," I grumbled. He snickered and leered at me in response, licking his lips at me. I grimaced and rolled my eyes. "You wish."

When Mr. Banner walked into the classroom a few minutes later, I noticed the amused look in his eyes before he ordered us all to call out numbers from one to seven whenever he pointed to us. The victorious look on his face was apparent when everyone grumbled as they moved their seats to sit with their appointed group. I somehow, as a four, still managed to be in a group with Mike. But also in one with a girl that went by the name of Emily Young. She was another new student I didn't know much about. But unlike Charlotte, she didn't hate me. Or anyone for that matter—she was more likely to keep to herself.

The minute she sat with us and barked out orders demanding we let her know right away if we planned on slacking, I decided I liked her.

"I have an A in this class right now," I boasted. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Good." She grinned at me, before facing Mike.

"Whatever." He shrugged, laying his head down on the desk. With a sigh, I looked at her and we both shared a look of understanding.

We were on our own.

The two of us bonded throughout the next couple weeks over our assignment, as we worked on it the best we could with just the two of us.

One day, after spending a couple hours after school in the library, Emily and I stepped outside to be greeted with a torrential down pour.

"I called my boyfriend to come get me. You want a ride?"

I nodded. "Yeah, let's go back inside to wait, though." But when we tried pulling on the doors to go back inside the school, they locked behind us. Though we did our best to seek shelter under the awnings and partitions, we still managed to get soaked.

While huddling together, the honk of a car horn brought our attention to the parking lot. "Go!" Emily giggled, making a mad dash for the car. I ran after her, squealing when the cold, wet drops of rain attacked me.

The doors flung open as we both dived in laughing.

"Hey, Bella."

My head snapped up at the voice, my laughing quieting down to a soft nervous snigger. "Oh hey, Black." I tried giving Emily the wide-eyed panicked look in the mirror, but she didn't see me as she leaned over to give him a kiss.

"So how do you guys know each other?" She faced me after greeting him.

"Umm . . . Uh—"

"She's Ed's girl we talk about."

"Ex," I corrected with narrowed eyes. "And really, you talk about me?"

"Simmer down. Good things, actually. Basically that we miss the shit out of you around the house. What happened?"

I shrugged. "He's got a new girl now."

He snorted. "A new girl he's fucking, yeah."

I chose not to respond to that comment.

"So do you want to come over?" Emily asked, either oblivious to my discomfort, or in an attempt to save me from it. "We can get some more studying done before Jake brings you home."

I really didn't want to go over there, if I was being honest. It felt . . . wrong—the idea of hanging out at Black's house without Edward. I don't know that I'd like him still hanging out with my friends now that we weren't together, but we really did need to get more work done on the project to pick up Mike's slack.

Seeming to sense the reason for my hesitance, Black turned in his seat to look at me. "It's my house," he said. "If you want to come over, you're welcome. As is, his little . . . the new chick isn't. I don't need her hanging around my house and causing shit."

I wanted to ask what he was talking about, but I didn't. The less I knew about Edward's new relationship the better.

"Okay. Sure."

The rain didn't subside as we made our way to his house. In fact, it only got worse. So by the time we got inside, the three of us were drenched.

"I don't have any clothes here," Emily apologized, handing me a large pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. "So you'll have to wear something of Jake's."

Nodding in thanks, I took the clothes from her, having to roll the waistband of the pants, as well as the cuff. The sleeves of the shirt got folded over, the bottom tied into a knot. When Emily made her way out of Black's room, I laughed when I noticed she had to do the same.

"We should just do our work in here." She pointed to his room. "His friends are going to come over and be loud as hell."

For the next couple of hours, we quarantined ourselves in Jake's room, doing all the work and plotting ways to make sure our teacher knew Mike didn't do shit.

After getting most of it done, we decide it was time to call it a night to avoid frying our brains.

"I should get home, anyway. My mom might even realize I've been gone." I rolled my eyes—not likely. I packed my clothes into a grocery bag and stuffed them into my back pack, promising to return the clothes to her the next day at school after running them through the wash.

"No worries."

We descended the stairs giggling and laughing about silliness and boys and laundry. When I noticed Emily abruptly stop and narrow her eyes toward the direction of the living room, I followed her gaze—inhaling a sharp breath when I saw Edward glaring in our direction. I cleared my throat and brought my attention to Black. "Are you able to take me home now?"

"Sure."

"Weren't you just lighting up?" Edward spoke up. It took a lot of energy not to move my gaze over to him and focus on Black alone.

"Are you high?"

Black shook his head, standing up. "I'm good to drive."

That really wasn't my question. "Don't stress. I can wait until you're good."

"I'll take her home."

Emily and I slowly turned our heads to face Edward, as Black raised a challenging eyebrow at him. I wanted to do the same, but instead I quickly looked back at Emily. "How are you getting home?"

She cringed. "I don't live far from here. Like not even five minutes, so I'll probably just walk if this one can't take me."

Walking didn't seem so bad at that point.

I wanted to reiterate that I didn't mind waiting, but noticing the look on Black's face, it was clear he was flying higher than he wanted to admit. So realizing Edward was my only hope in getting home anytime soon, I relented.

As he got up to gather his things, though, Jacob called out to him. "Run something by Sam for me."

I looked away from their little exchange. This was no longer my business, and obviously Edward had resorted back to his 'habits' he dropped when he was with me.

When we got into the car, save for a quiet 'thank you', I didn't attempt to engage in any conversation with Edward.

That doesn't mean he doesn't attempt to have one with me.

"So . . . you're hanging out at Black's now?" I shrugged. "Nice clothes. You fucking him, too?"

"And if I was?" I bit back.

"Are you?"

I paused before answering. For whatever reason, he was trying to rile me up, and it almost worked. Almost. "How's your girlfriend?"

"Charlotte's not my girlfriend."

"No? Then how'd you know I was asking about _her_?"

He didn't answer, instead bringing his focus back to the road as I stared straight ahead as well.

"I miss you."

"Don't," I snapped.

"It's true. Do you miss me?"

"Doesn't matter." That was only partially true, because it did matter. A lot. I missed him like crazy, wanted him to be with me, to leave Charlotte for me. But he wasn't going to do that. I knew well enough. I didn't care if he didn't claim her. She claimed him and he didn't stop her.

I knew what he wanted, I could see it in his eyes. And if I'm being honest with myself, had it been months prior, I would have been okay with it. Content to get even just a piece of him, but not now, not after seeing the damage another chick could cause the other. I knew Edward and Charlotte would never get married. Probably never even make it past winter break, but I couldn't do it. Mostly to myself. I couldn't set myself up for that. Couldn't do to her what Mackenna did to my mother.

I leaned over, pressing my lips to his. The kiss was rough, needy, and intense. It was my goodbye kiss. And he felt it.

"Bella . . ."

"I love you," I said softly. "I always will. But—" I shook my head "—you're not mine anymore."

***-*10yrs*-***

The next morning at school, Rosalie, Emily and I were standing in the parking lot by Royce's car, when I saw Charlotte making her way toward me out the corner of my eye.

"Here we go," I mumbled to the girls. As soon as she was close enough, I turned to face her—Rosalie and Emily immediately flanking my sides.

"This has nothing to do with you," she sneered at them.

"Yeah?" Rosa brought a hand to her hip, and nodded behind Charlotte's back at two of her friends standing in the wings. "Then call your little troop off."

Charlotte ignored her, turning her attention back to me. "You need to stay the fuck away from my man, Bella."

"Your man?" I played dumb. "Who's that?"

"You know who I'm talking about." She smirked. "Edward doesn't want you, so back off. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have been at _my_ house last night."

I gave her a mock pout. "He was at your house, but you're still bent about me." I tsked. "Kinda sad, don't you think? You must have heard he's not claiming you the way you seem to be him." She looked livid at my words, knowing what I was saying was true. So I went in for the kill. "He never denied me when were together. Must suck, huh?"

"Fuck you."

"Aww—no thank you. Edward's already done that. But make sure to enjoy my sloppy seconds."

I could tell she wanted to swing at me at that point, but a body stepped in between us.

Edward.

With his back facing her, he placed a hand on my hip to move me backwards. When his hands lingered, Charlotte made some sort of shrieking noise, calling his attention as she pulled on the sleeve of his shirt to turn him to face her.

"Let's go." I looked over at my girls, throwing my middle finger in the air as a last threat came from Charlotte. Suddenly, the idea of fucking around with Edward didn't seem so bad.

That thought alone had me keeping my distance from him even more. To the point where we developed a sort of animosity toward each other.

Charlotte became a thorn in my side as much as she could, going out of her way to bug me, glare at me and just whisper to her friends whenever I was in her vicinity. It bothered me at first, but after several weeks passed, it brought a source of entertainment to me, Rosalie and Emily, who was slowly becoming a close friend to the both of us.

"I mean really," I complained one night at my house as we were getting ready to go to a party. "I understood her beef at first. I did kiss him, but that was to say goodbye. Obviously, I don't still want him. If I did, he didn't make it very hard to actually get him."

"Did he tell her you kissed him?" Emily asked.

I shrugged, not knowing the answer, but Rosalie did. "He told Royce he didn't. Just that when Charlotte asked him where he had been, he said he was bringing Bella home."

"And then what?"

"Who knows?"

"So lame." I scoffed, leaning in to the mirror to apply more mascara. "And honestly, Edward's just as bad," I added. "It's not like he's doing anything to stop her."

"He's not encouraging her either," Emily defended him, with Rosalie humming in agreement. "You should see how he acts around her. I almost feel bad for the girl with how she follows him around." I looked over at the both of them then, realizing something.

"Have you guys hung out with them?" After all, Royce and Black were both friends with Edward and still hung out with him. By default, their girls probably did, too.

Emily groaned. "He brought her around once. I almost broke her arms when she flirted with Jake."

We both looked at Rosalie. "Oh yeah, she was at Royce's once, but I put an end to that shit quickly."

I smiled at them. "Thanks guys. But you don't have to hate her for me."

They both scoffed and waved me off, telling me I was wrong and they had to hate her out of principle.

About an hour later, with Rosalie driving, the three of us pulled up to a house that belonged to one of our classmate's parents.

"Whose house is this again?" Emily asked.

"Leanne or some shit," Rose answered her as we climbed out. I shrugged as well, not sure.

It was madness when we walked in the house. Loud music, barely any room to pass through the mass of bodies thumping, smell of smoke and liquor in the air.

A typical party really.

Creating a human chain, we linked hands together to navigate our way around until we found their boys.

"There." I lifted my hand attached to Emily's to point to Black. He stood taller than most of us, so it wasn't too hard to spot him. We weaved our way over to them, and my steps faltered when I noticed Edward and Charlotte standing next to him. Edward standing still with a drink in his hand, with Charlotte at his side dancing with some of her friends.

"I'm gonna go look for a drink," I announced to the girls before we could reach them.

"We'll come with you."

I shook my head at Emily. "No, it's okay. Go get your man."

Looking back at the girls then me, she nodded. "Okay, be good you two."

Rose and I stayed back, watching as she approached Black and hip-checked one of the girls in the process. At seeing her, I saw Edward's eyes roaming over the top of his cup—stopping when they met mine. I held his gaze for a second before Rosalie squeezed my hand. "Come on," she said as softly as she could over the music.

I nodded, snapping myself out of it as we made our way to look for the kitchen.

We created a concoction for ourselves that tasted like tar, but was strong enough to burn the hair off our chest—you know if we had any. Which is what I needed at that moment.

"Since when did you turn into a heavy drinker?"

I tensed for a second before rolling my eyes at Edward's voice.

"Since now," I answered, tipping my cup towards my mouth. He gently took it from me, taking a small sip.

"Fuck." He grimaced. "What the fuck is that?"

Scowling, I grabbed it back from him. "What do you want, Edward?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, leaning against the counter. I looked around, not seeing Rosalie in sight. "Looking for someone?"

"Yeah—your psychotic girlfriend."

"Don't worry about her."

"Oh, so you admit she's your girl now?"

"Not really." He rubbed the side of his face. "But she knows what she is to me."

"Ugh. Go away."

He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but we were interrupted by the annoyingly raspy voice of Charlotte. "You just can't stay away can you?"

"Really?" I looked at her.

Edward leaned away from the counter to lay a hand on her arm. "Relax." His voice came out low and menacing. "What'd I tell you about starting shit?"

She huffed, and narrowed her eyes at me before turning back to him. "I missed you."

Oh, please.

Making a move to walk away, I stopped short when I felt an arm wrap around my waist. Looking sharply over my shoulder, my eyes widened in surprise when I saw it was Riley. "Hey, baby," he said loudly enough for anyone in hearing range to be able to pick up. Then leaning down to whisper in my ear, he added, "Rosalie thought you might need saving."

I nodded in thanks, but moved a little out of his embrace. We weren't that cool of friends, for one. And also, even though a part of me relished the idea of rubbing up on him to make Edward jealous and shut Charlotte up, I couldn't bring myself to be that petty. So with a nice smile, I waved in his direction.

"You guys know Riley." Of course they did, he was Edward's best friend's brother after all.

A silent exchanged passed between them then. And I didn't understand it at first, but I would later learn it was the day a gauntlet was thrown down, and two enemies were born.

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**Thank you so much for reading!**

**Muah**

**~Lo**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi! So, yeah—we were on a bit of a hiatus there … I won't offer a long drawn out excuse if you don't already know what was up. Just know, I always promise to do my best (updating, keeping you in the loop etc.) … that's all I can do. And hope—in the end—you stick with me. I can't give you an update schedule (not even a tentative one) for now, just be on the look out for weekly. If that changes I'll let ya know via FB or my group, prof etc.**

**Hope you like the new summary! :-)**

**By the by … we're still in Junior year. **

**Love to Bridgette! Muah**

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***Thirteen***

It came as a surprise to no one—except me—that Riley and I started hanging out after Leah's party.

His little gesture of 'saving' me from Edward and Charlotte sparked a whole new wave of rumors. All ranging from us being together since before the party, to we'd secretly been hooking up and I cheated on Edward with him in the past—the reason, of course, why we broke up.

It was all innocent and platonic at first, me and Riley. After school, I'd go over to his house with Rosalie. Then, while she and Royce would sneak away, he'd let me complain about Edward. In return, I'd listened to him vent about his on again-off again girlfriend Jessica. He was taking on the role of a best friend—second to Emily and Rosalie—and that's the way it stayed for the first half of the year, and even through Christmas.

Things weren't perfect, but they weren't hell either. Until my father and Makenna got engaged on New Year's Eve and things at home got unbearable again.

For a moment, I'd wished things with Edward were different, civil. So I could run to him and Esme's. But they were far from it. We didn't speak unless it was for him telling me I shouldn't hang around Riley—that he was bad news. And subsequently, I wouldn't say anything to him unless it was to tell him he needed to keep Charlotte in check. Whenever he would approach me, not even two classes later, she'd be on my ass.

Somehow, she'd quickly amassed a crew of petty girls who were more than willing to keep her up to speed with all my movements. Especially whenever Edward was involved.

I didn't know all of them that were involved, except for the few who actually followed her around like puppies, but I knew they were always lurking. It goes without saying that Carmen and Kate were more than happy to jump on the bandwagon, having a new Jane to follow around.

On most days, I found it funny Charlotte was going out of her way to spy on me like I was some major threat to her and her bullshit relationship. But on bad days—days where I barely got any sleep the night before from taking care of my mom—it was almost overload. Still, I kept my distance from her and her friends and let them talk their shit. Riley constantly in my ear reminding me I was better than them helped me cope and get through that.

And it was with his advice I tried keeping my head high after she tried cornering me in the hall one day after lunch. We only exchanged a few shoves before she told me to 'watch my back' and though I had scoffed and tried brushing it off, when I got home I was seething.

I don't want to say Edward was encouraging her—I still don't know that to be true. But at the same time, I never saw him trying to stop her, either. In fact, I hardly ever saw him around her in school much at all. It seemed she was too focused on following me around.

On the day of our 'almost fight', I got sent home early, unbeknownst to my mother, who barely paid any attention to anything that didn't involve her pity party. When I walked in the house early, and saw her rushing to hide a pill bottle—shit hit the fan in ways it never had before.

"What's that?" To be honest, my mind didn't immediately think of the worst—I was too annoyed with school life and having a bad day to make the quick connection. Her nasty answer and attitude was really what had me taking more notice. "Mom," I repeated, reaching for it where she'd tried stashing it behind her back. "What is it? Give it to me, please."

"You know, fine." She threw it at me, barely missing my face. "You're just like you're father, you know. Demanding and controlling."

"Whatever." I just rolled my eyes, I'd heard this before. Whenever she got mad or upset, I was just like him. When she was in more of a morose, depressed mood, I was 'all she had left'. I was used to the mood swings but at this point, I was tired of them. "I don't know what this is, or where you got it from, but I'm not even joking anymore about moving out and going to Dad's. I'm tired. Get help or I'm gone."

The look on her face became hard, and I knew—at that point—I had threatened and gave her an ultimatum one too many times. Standing up, she reached out to me with her palm facing up. "Give it back, then."

"No."

"I said, give it back." She reached out, but I pulled my hand back, holding it away from her.

The struggle to keep it out of her reach turned into rage and aggravation on both of our parts. When I pushed her and called her a lunatic, it only served to anger her—the result: her pushing me back and the both of us getting into a knock down, drag out fight.

Never in a million years had I thought I would ever get into a physical altercation with my mom. Never had I imagined she would ever hit me, or I her. But there we were, in the middle of the living room fighting. More than anything, though, I was really trying to hold her down—hold her back—but it didn't stop her from swinging at me, several times, and even connecting with my face a few of those times.

There was no one there to stop us, pull us apart, or talk sense into the situation. Eventually, exhaustion is what won out.

With tears strolling down my face, and me gasping for my breath, I stood up and left the room without another word to her.

Bottle in hand, I walked up to my room and called Riley, begging him to come get me. Then, not wanting to be in the same room as my mother, let alone in the same house, I packed a small bag and walked down the street to wait for him outside.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up outside and with no questions asked, he took me to his house, and simply held me as I cried myself to sleep. It was truly the night I started falling in love with him. I realized in all the madness, he was one of the only people I had left in my corner. A corner Edward no longer fit in.

Unfortunately, his mother wasn't as lenient at Esme had been and at some point in the night, she'd come into his room informing me it was best if I went home. She told me they were there if I needed anything, but as a young lady, I needed to go home and work things out with my mother, not hide out at a boy's house.

When I got home, my mom wasn't there and neither was her car. I thanked any and every deity there was and slipped into my room, locked the door and stuffed her bottle of pills in the back of one of my drawers.

The next day, I woke up sporting the mother of black eyes along with a busted lip. It looked liked I'd gotten the shit beat out of me. Which, in a way, I did. Theories went around, no surprise there, but the hardest was when people, especially Edward, thought it was Riley.

When he saw me at school, he walked up to me and pulled me into an empty classroom, his fingers lightly ghosting over my face.

"I told you he's no good for you, baby. I told you he's no good."

"First of all." I flinched away from him. "Riley didn't do this, my mom did."

"What? What happ—"

"And second, what makes you such an expert on what's good? What are you gonna tell me? That Riley does drugs? Sells them? Like you do?" His eyes narrowed, and his lip turned up in a snarl at my challenge.

"I fuck with weed. Riley is on a whole different level. Trust me, it's not the same."

"So he's who you wanna graduate to in a few years. Jealous?" I smirked at him. "There's nothing you can say, short of him murdering someone, that you're not just as bad as you claim he is. So keep me out of your worries and my name out of your mouth from now on. How many times do I need to tell you I am not your concern anymore?"

As I was trying to walk out of the classroom, I only got as far as opening the door when he tried pulling me back. Unfortunately, for him Riley walked up then.

"Bella, you okay?"

And that is when Edward lost it.

"Can't you give me one God damn minute with her without interrupting? Fuck."

"You're talking?" Riley stepped to him. "Every time you so much as _look _at Bella, that crazy bitch of yours jumps out of the bushes."

They got closer to each other then as Edward stepped towards Riley. With them so close, I couldn't hear exactly what Edward said to him, but next thing I knew, they were swinging at each other. In the process, all three of us went tumbling out of the classroom. They were rolling around, fist and feet flying, and I was unsuccessfully trying to pull them apart.

I obviously wasn't physically involved in the fight, but when it was broken up, all three of us were sent to Volturi's office, who was now the principal. Upon seeing my face, he demanded the boys leave so I could 'speak freely'. Apparently, the fact everyone thought I'd dated both guys, who were now appearing to be violent people, and my face looked like a punching bag caused some alarm.

"So, if one of those young boys didn't do this, then who did?" His voice was flippant yet reeking of annoyance, after I vehemently denied, several times, neither Riley nor Edward laid a hand on me.

It was obvious he didn't believe me. I'd opened my mouth to say 'my mom', at one point, but knew that would cause a whole other round of issues.

"No one."

"I'm disappointed in you, Miss Swan."

"Join the club." I snorted. "Can I go now?"

"No. I've called your father. I'd like to have a word with him."

"If you think involving him is going to help your cause, you're wrong. In fact, it really just worked against you more than anything."

"Why, is he the one who did this to you?"

"Stop fishing."

"Have it your way." He leaned back in his chair. His head slowly shaking in disappointment. "Care to tell me, then, what the fight between Mr. King and Mr. Cullen was about?"

"You'd have to ask them."

"Am I to believe you don't know the reason?"

"Again, I'm not in their heads—you'll have to speak with them about it, sir."

"Maybe you're not familiar with the rules, Miss Swan. But while instigation of a fight isn't grounds for suspension, it is grounds for a referral and/or detention."

I shrugged. His 'scare tactics', or whatever the hell he was attempting, were more annoying than intimidating. Had this been last year, maybe I'd be more cooperative, but I was exhausted and uncaring. Plus, I didn't want to get involved any more than I already was with Riley and Edward's bullshit. I was neither one of theirs to claim, so it was pretty stupid if they were indeed fighting about me.

Though my silence seemed to frustrate him, Volturi let it go and sent me back outside to sit and send the boys in while I waited for my father to come.

After each of them came out of his office, they both had scowls on their faces and copies of their referrals in hand. I went straight to Riley.

"Are you okay? What did he say?"

"I'm obviously suspended," he sighed, then glared at Edward over my shoulder. I turned around and glared at him, too.

"Oh, so this is all on me, huh?"

"You started it, you know you did. What did you say to him?"

When he smirked, I knew it was something about me. My guess was something smug and derogatory. Angry, I turned around and faced Riley—wrapping my arms around his middle. "Sorry you got suspended."

"It's okay." He chuckled.

I shook my head. "But it's not. You only have a few months left of school. You should be enjoying your senior year and getting ready for college, not getting into fights with stupid boys."

"Well, I don't have any tests or anything this week, so better this week than another."

"I guess."

"Bells."

Both mine and Riley's bodies stiffened at hearing my father. I could feel his arms tighten around me minutely, protectively. "Call me later, okay?"

I nodded against his chest.

**+10 years+**

"Charlie, thank you for coming in on such short notice."

"Not a problem, Aro," he greeted them like they were old friends. In fact, they actually were, both having grown up in this town. I scowled at them, knowing I was about to get tag-teamed.

"As you know, Bella has always been an exceptional student. But this school year, the past few months especially, she's seemed distracted—different."

"Things at home aren't great right now, as you've heard. So I'm not that surprised."

"For starters," I addressed both men. "I respect that you're my 'elders', but I really don't like being discussed as though I'm not sitting right here. But most important," this time I faced just my father, "don't come in here sugar coating anything for your friend's benefit. Life hasn't 'not been great'. In the past year, I've had to watch one of my best friends go through the affects of getting raped by someone she never would've met had it not been for me. Walked in on my father having sex with his secretary. Gone through a trial. Maybe lost a baby. And watched my mother self destructing. Not in that particular order, and just to name a few. _Distracted_ is the least of what I'm going through. I'm. Just. Tired."

"Can we have a moment?"

At my father's request, Principal Aro hesitated, as if he didn't fully trust the situation and looked over at me. I did a shrug, nod and rolling of my eyes combo telling him I was fine.

"Okay," he said softly, and left the office, shutting the door behind him.

"Bells." My dad sighed.

"You've lost nickname privileges, Charlie."

"Okay." His voice got stern. "I messed up. I've messed up in ways some men would have been castrated for by now, but that doesn't give you the right to speak to me any which way you want to either."

"Because you've been such a great dad to me lately?"

"Come to me when you have a teenage daughter of your own and we'll talk. I'm not saying I'm perfect, obviously. I did some things and said some things I know you'll never forgive me for, but I was scared. Panicked. I was watching my little girl turning into a woman long before she was ready."

"So you decided to try and sabotage my relationship?"

"If I told you to stay away from Edward, it would've only pushed you to him quicker."

"So telling him to stay away from me, that I was basically a slut and a liar—that was your bright idea?" His face showed some remorse, but his posture remained defensive. "You don't get it, do you? You don't get what that did to Edward—how you played him. You knew about his dad, how he needed someone to look up to and you played on that weakness. Dad ..." My voice broke and my lips quivered out of anger for Edward—my Edward, and what I knew that stunt did to him. "That's the lowest of the low."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"You owe Edward that apology." I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. "Not me."

"I owe it to you both. Listen, your mom came and saw me last night."

That must have been where she was when I got home.

"And?"

"She told me about your fight."

"Which version? The one where she's the victim? I came home and attacked her."

"I want you to come stay with me for a while. She said that's what you want, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've only been saying that because she's insane and it seems whatever money she gets from you either goes down her throat or up her nose." Seeing that my words shocked him had a sinister smile creep up on my face. "Didn't know that, did you? Do us all a favor, don't walk in here trying to save the day without getting the facts first. I have enough on my plate, I don't need to worry about that, too. So if we're done here ..." I started to stand up.

"No we're not. Sit down."

"I'm good, thanks."

"I SAID SIT DOWN!"

I flinched and my eyes widened, my feet unable to move out of … not fear, I didn't fear my father. But maybe shock? I'd never hear him yell so loud.

There was a soft rasp at the door, before Principal Volturi popped his head in and looked at us. His eyebrow raised in question.

"We're fine." I barely managed to whisper out. He nodded and narrowed his eyes at my dad whose head was down, but left anyway.

"Bells, look … we need to come to some sort of agreement and resolution about all this."

"Why?"

"Because I am your father," he snapped and glared at me. "Like it or not—like _me_ or not—that's who I am. I'm not asking you to like me right now, or to accept Makenna. I'm not even asking for you to forgive my affair or the pain I caused your mother. And though I've tried not to play this card, really it's between me and her, not you. All I'm asking is for you to forgive me for hurting you. Or at least say you'll try. Please."

I sat down and folded my arms over my chest again, trying to hold myself together. I could feel my throat tightening, the ache in my chest and the wetness trying to seep through my eyes.

I was tired of fighting with him. Fighting with my mom. Defending mine and Riley's friendship. Pretending I didn't miss Edward. Acting like I didn't miss Alice every single day. For a moment, I even allowed myself to get jealous of Emily's easy going relationship with Black. Rosalie's with Royce. I missed what I felt was my old life. I missed my dad. I needed him to hug me, to hold me like he used to when I was younger. Fix it all. Fix me.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, a tear slipping through. "I-I'm sorry." I knew I'd been being a brat. "I just ..." I shook my head slowly, gasping to take in a breath. "You're just … you just—you _left_. You didn't fight. You didn't apologize. You left us, for her."

"No." I felt his arms come around me. "I didn't leave you. I … I messed up. Baby girl, I messed up. And I'm sorry. A chance. Please, that's all I want—just don't shut me out anymore. Don't hate me anymore. Please."

"I'll try," I said, bringing my arms around him, too. But his choices helped bring carnage to my life in a way I'd never be able to forgive. And I knew, more than anything, I couldn't make any promises about where we stood until he helped me find a way to help my mom.

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**Who's still with me? :-)**

**Thanks so much for reading.**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Glad to see you guys still rocking it out with me on this one! :-)**

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** * Fourteen ***

"Rehab?"

"Yup," I answered Riley, reaching over to grab a cup of . . . something from his hand.

"That's crazy. For what?"

"All of the above." I shrugged, stretching my legs in front of me and leaning against the side of his bed. "Mostly prescriptions from what my dad said. Apparently, this problem isn't totally new and she'd has some issues in the past, struggled from time to time but kept it under control until recently."

"But with the stuff going on with your dad ..."

"Exactly." I lifted up the cup, tilting it toward him in offering. He shook his head and reached for something else under his bed. "Some women don't take too well to losing their first loves."

"Is that what your parents were?"

"I guess. They were together since they were sixteen. For the same reasons my mom feels betrayed, my dad feels like he'd been trapped in a marriage for far too long. Not sure what that says about how he feels about me, though. I'm pretty sure they only truly got married 'cause my mom was pregnant with me."

With a sad, sympathetic look, Riley sighed. "I don't even know how I would handle something like that. If it were my parents, I mean."

I never thought I'd know, either. Before, it seemed like Riley and I lived the same—good—life. Two parents at home who loved each other. Good grades in school. Friends. No major issues. Inside his house, though, lived a Stepford wife and a dad who was never home. Behind my doors turned out to be an adulterous father and a mother who's struggled with addiction for years.

Who would have thought?

"So, you sure you want to go tonight?" I changed the subject. "I'm pretty sure Edward's gonna be there."

"And I'm sure Jess will be, too. Your point?"

It'd been a week since the pair got suspended for their 'fight' and would be the first time—in or out of school—they'd be in the same room. One of our classmates was throwing a party and we, of course, were going but I kept having a bad feeling something was going to happen. My heart told me it involved Riley and Edward. But at the same time, I'd managed to make an enemy out of Jessica, and Riley had thoughts that any drama would come from her.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am." I snorted, taking another sip of the nasty . . . "What the hell is this, by the way?"

He scrunched up his nose. "Really it's just a mix of whatever I could find in my dad's liquor cabinet."

"It tastes like there might be wine, but it's burning my throat like it's whiskey or something."

He shrugged. "Sure why not."

"You're an idiot. Anyway, who else is going tonight? Who's driving?"

"I am," he answered, slamming back a shot from the bottle he pulled out from under his bed a few minutes before. I gulped and looked at him nervously.

"You sure you're okay to drive?"

"What, you don't trust me?"

"Oh, I trust you just fine. It's the booze you just drank I don't trust."

"I'm barely buzzed. Trust me, I can drive."

I was a little skeptical but knew there was no one else to take us unless we called and waited for Rosa and Royce. I was already keyed-up and ready to go.

"Fine. But you do the damn speed limit."

"Scout's honor."

**+10 years+**

When we pulled up to the house, I dramatically flung myself out of the car, resisting the urge to kiss the ground. "That is it!" I declared. "I'm getting my license."

"Good." He looked cocky.

"Did you just try to kill me because you're tired of driving me around?"

"I did not just try to kill you." He guffawed. "I was just messing with you. But it is about time you get your license. Just sayin'"

"What the hell were you doing?" Rosa walked up to him, smacking the back of his head. I was so lost in praying for my life I hadn't noticed where she came from, whether she'd been driving behind us, or was in front of the house and saw us drive up.

"I was just messing with Bella."

"By trying to kill her?"

I looked at Riley with a smug grin. "See." Not so dramatic now, am I?

"Hey." Royce walked up—giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and his brother a not so discrete handshake. I looked away from them, not wanting to focus on the exchange.

"Ready to go in?" Riley threw his arm around me, bringing my focus back to him.

Reaching up, I laced the fingers on my right hand with the one draped over my shoulder and nodded. Both Royce and Rosalie cocked questioning eyebrows at us but I shrugged my shoulders. I had nothing to tell, but if he wanted to be affectionate with me—I wasn't going to stop him.

There weren't many people at this party—not like the crazy out of control ones that had been going on as of late, but I liked it. Appreciated the mellowness. I'd become a bit of a party rat and this was a nice change of pace.

After quickly settling in, we noticed what they lacked in people, they made up for in drinks.

"Want anything?" I looked at the three of them.

"I'll come with you." Rosalie stood up from the couch. But Riley shook his head and tapped his pocket, saying he was gonna try something else tonight.

I pursed my lips but didn't say anything or press it. I didn't like that he was into pills and shit—especially with the stuff going on with my mom—but I didn't want to judge him or baby him either. It was his choice and he certainly wasn't the only one around doing it. Plus, as it stood, I was still just his friend. No girlfriend title to be had. I grumbled to myself about that.

"What was that for?"

I looked over at Rosalie and pouted. "Me and Riley are just friends."

"Um, yeah I know that."

"No, I mean that's what's wrong. That we're still friends and nothing more."

"Ohhhhh . . . "

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna say anything to him about it?"

"Don't plan to."

She shook her head but didn't say anything on it. Even though I could tell she probably wanted to tell me I was being stupid.

When we got to the kitchen, of course it was to walk right into Edward. I groaned—the look on his face told me he wasn't in a good mood, and with Edward, old and new, that meant he was normally going to get himself into some trouble. Even though he wasn't looking directly at me at first, the minute I was close enough to him, his head snapped up and he scowled at me.

"Do you just have a radar on you or something?"

"I'm pretty fucking sure I was in here first," he snapped.

"Then don't mind me. I'll just get a drink and be on my way. Feel free to go back to . . ." I waved a hand at the blunt he was holding " . . . wasting your life away on that shit."

"When did you become such a bitch, Bella?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Probably around the same time you turned into a dickhead."

"How would your boyfriend feel knowing you're in here talking about my dick?"

"You're so gross." I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Then turning to face Rosalie, who was reaching out with a drink for me, all while trying to keep a smile off her face, asked, "What did I ever see in him, anyway?"

Those words for some reason seemed to have an effect on him, and when I turned to face Edward again, it was to see him look down and away. "I don't know. It's not like I was ever good enough for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"No—tell me. What are talking about?" He paused, his eyes moving back and forth rapidly from my eyes to objects around the room. "Edward, what is it? Did . . . are you saying someone told you that? That you weren't good enough for me."

"Everyone told me that."

"And you chose to believe it? On what merit?"

"On the merit that—"

"Edward, Bella . . . hey." We were interrupted by one of the girls from our class. We never really spoke and I didn't even know her name, so I threw an annoyed look her way.

"We're talking."

"Oh?" She looked over at Edward for confirmation. But he shook his head—his face morphing into something else. Eyes hard. Guarded.

"We were done actually." He pulled her to him, circling her waist with his arms and nuzzling her neck. My eyebrows shot up in confusion, shock and disgust. I guess he wasn't worried about his girlfriend at the moment. Or the conversation we were having.

"Come on," Rosa grabbed my hand, pulling me back out to the living room. On the couch, Jessica had practically deposited herself on Riley's lap.

"I can't win tonight." I looked at her.

"Let's go for a walk," she offered. "Just us."

Arms linked, we took a stroll around the block, talking and catching up as if we didn't see each other every day at school. On our second pass around the house, she stopped and pulled something out of her pocket. "Want one?"

"What is it?"

She shrugged, popping the small pill in her mouth. "It's not X but something that mimics it kinda."

"Like a generic form of X?"

"Yeah."

I scrunched up the side of my face. I wasn't sure what to say about it. Though we still spoke every day, Rosa and I hadn't really partied together in a while, so I was caught off guard that she was into the drug scene now. Plus . . . "Why would you take a generic instead of just rolling the right way?" If you're gonna do it, do it all the way, right?

"It's cheaper and easier for Royce to get."

"Ah, I see." I cleared my throat. "But, thanks. I mean, no thanks—I'm good."

"Prob for the best." She smiled sadly. "With everything going on with your mom and all . . ."

"I don't think it's a genetic thing."

"Still." We both got quiet for a second, lost in our own thoughts. "Sorry."

My head snapped up to look at her. "Why are you sorry?"

"That you're still going through this shit. I mean, it's been almost a year since your dad turned out to be an ass. It feels that way at least." Now that she'd mentioned it, it _had_ been quite some time. "You woulda thought your mom would've self-destructed a while ago."

"Yeah … well."

"But I'm here you know. If you ever wanna talk. Hang out—come over. It feels like you haven't been over to my house in forever."

That's because I hadn't. For no other reason than the fact she was never home herself.

"How about I come home with you tonight then?"

"Is Charlie gonna flip that you didn't say anything beforehand?"

Technically, my dad had moved in temporarily to stay with me while my mom was away—there was no way I was going to stay with him and his whore. But on the weekends, and even on some weeknights, he didn't bother coming home, just phoning to make sure I was okay and that I ate. It was too lonely of an existence in that house. I longed for a night away.

"He's at his house. So ..."

She linked our arms together, pulling us back along toward the house. "Cool by me."

"Thanks."

When we walked back inside, she went straight for Royce while I went on a hunt for Riley, who I was informed got his face smacked when he rejected Jess coming on to him. I felt bad he'd gotten hit, but perked up at the fact he turned her down. It gave me some hope.

Eventually, I found him laying on the grass outside.

"What are you doing out here?" I sat down next to him, leaning back on my hands. He turned to look at me, his eyes glazed and drooping.

"Thinking."

"About?"

"Life."

I giggled. "I forgot you get philosophical when you're high."

"It's not just that," he said solemnly. "I had a moment when I realized I'd actually miss this place."

"Matt's backyard?"

"That too."

"Come on." I nudged him with my shoulder. "I'm not used to you being so serious. Talk to me."

"You know what's getting old?" he blurted. "Constantly denying we're together."

"Uh, random. But, yeah—tell me about it."

"Have you thought about it, though? Us being together."

Of course I had. Riley was sweet, cute, and didn't hold it against me when I had a bitchy moment about something. He was there when I called to complain about my mom or the girls at school, and gave me rides home. Wherever I wanted to go. There wasn't much more needed to qualify as a good boyfriend at the time. I didn't say all that to him though and simply gave a short nod.

"So what would you say if I asked you to be with me?"

"Why, Riley King," I put on a fake southern bell accent. "Are you by chance asking me out?"

"Not if you keep talking in that voice I'm not." We both laughed. "But, yeah—Bella Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Not if you're gonna be all corny about it."

"Are you always this . . ."

"Annoying?"

"Silly." He smiled, and I ducked my head down.

"No, actually. I'm not. You make me like that." Around him I didn't have to act mature. I didn't have to worry about anything. For seconds at a time he took it all away.

"That's a good thing though, right?"

"It's a great thing."

"Bella." His voice got serious as he licked his lips. "I graduate in four months. I know I can't promise you forever or anything, but I don't want to leave here wondering 'what if' about us. You're like my best friend—and I love you so much. The way things have been, you just never know, and I'd hate to live with that 'what if'. That regret of not knowing."

"Well when you put it that way—yes."

Because the kids at the school were weird and often unpredictable, the news of Riley and I actually making it official barely made any buzz.

What did though was Edward and Charlotte breaking up because he cheated on her at the party. Even to me that was newsworthy because clearly a lot more happened than the hugging I saw take place.

When I saw Charlotte in the hallway, she turned her head to the side—pretending as if she didn't seem me. I snickered. "Told you I was the least of your worries."

"You know ..."

"Let it go," one of her friends spoke up. "She's not worth it."

I'm pretty sure it was meant as a jab, but in reference to all the drama she had caused, I said, "Honey, I never was."

* * *

**Ah ... young love, high school parties, and drama ... the memories! **

**Dying to hear your thoughts! :-)**

**Thanks for reading**

**~Lo**


	15. Chapter 15

** * Fifteen ***

"Okay, you're at a four-way stop sign. You're turning right. The car in front of you—"

"Babe, come on!" I whined, throwing myself on my bed face first and mumbling into my pillow. "I know this stuff already. Seriously, I could probably be a traffic guard at this point."

"Traffic guard?"

"You know very damn well you know what I mean." I giggled. Then with a sigh, I lifted my head and turned on my side. "Can't we do something else?" Between his imposed study sessions, and all the school stuff going on with SAT's, I was getting burned out.

"Like what?" He smirked, settling in next to me.

"Like anything other than study for my permit. I know all this stuff already."

"Which is a wonder why you keep putting off taking it. Really, you're like two years behind."

I had no excuses as to why I'd put it off so long. Freshman year they'd offered Driver's Ed as an elective, but I wasn't interested. As everyone around me was getting their permits then licenses, I became even less interested. If I had to attribute it to anything, it was due to me being spoiled. I always found someone willing to lend me a ride near or far. If it was hard for me to get around, I'd probably be singing a different tune.

"I'll get it," I promised, "but first ..." I played at the buttons of my shirt and winked at him. I don't know what it was with my relationship with Riley, that it was new, because I now had experience, or i

.t might have even been my way to shut everything else out around me, but we were constantly all over each other. I don't think I can say I'd been that way with my previous boyfriends. He awakened something in me, a freeness to just be me. Let go.

As I leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips, my phone rang.

"Ignore it," he muttered against my mouth, his hand at my hip.

"I wish." With my luck, it would be my dad calling and my not answering would result in him rushing over in a panic only to find Riley in the house. And in my room. Alone. With me. In bed. I didn't need that kind of drama in my life at the moment. "Just ..." I pecked his mouth. "Hold that thought." I sat up on my knees to lean over him, and frowned at the unknown number. Picking up the phone tentatively, I whispered, "Hello?"

_"Hi, honey."_

"Mom!" I looked over at Riley with wide eyes and his expression mirrored mine. Sitting up quickly, he leaned against the headboard and brought me with him. I immediately started getting teary-eyed as she spoke. It was so good to hear from her. Her call time was limited and I'd only spoken to her one other time in the past month. Plus, I was shocked. She sounded so different.

"I miss you." I did. Despite it all—she was still my mom and her not being home, with me, was killing me.

_"Oh sweetheart, I miss you, too."_

"When do you come home?"

_"Soon. Very soon, and Bella, I swear to you, I promise to be better, okay? I'm so, so sorry for everything."_

"It's okay, Mom. Just get better, please."

_"I will, and everything will be okay when I get home. Things will be different. You'll see."_

I sure hoped so.

_"So, tell me what's going on. You're dad tells me you have a new boyfriend?"_

I didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed. It was a strange happiness that they were keeping in touch, but that was information I wished he'd let me tell her. Give us our moment.

Not to mention, I didn't even know he knew that info.

Until a few days later, when he brought it up at a random dinner.

"So, I hear you're dating that King boy now."

"His name is Riley, Dad." I rolled my eyes, forking some spaghetti into my mouth. It was weird that he was home, and we were eating together. I guess I should have given him credit for trying, but him showing up at the house once a week—for appearance sake—wasn't enough for me to forgive him for this past year. It was too little and a little too late. Now he wanted to talk about boys? Yeah, I wasn't interested.

"Yeah, Riley. How did that happen?"

"He asked. I said yes."

"I didn't even know you guys were ... you know hanging out. Friends and all that."

"Well, that's not true." I called his bluff, leaning back in my chair. He knew about the fight at school, and once I even told him Riley was giving me a ride home or something. I don't remember the specifics of what I told him but I knew it was something. "So what is it you want to say or ask me? If it's whether or not we're having sex—well, it doesn't matter. We both know I'm not a virgin."

"Bella!"

"What?" I shrugged. "We're talking, right? Bonding."

"I wasn't going to ask about your ... that part of your life."

"Then what do you want to know?"

"Just ..." he blew out a breath. "Does he treat you right?"

"I guess."

"Not you guess, Bells. I want an actual answer. I want to know this boy you're with treats you the way you deserve to be treated."

"He treats me just fine. I'm not pregnant. And he's not Edward. You should be pleased."

The conversation was pretty much shut down at that point.

**+10 years +**

"So are you happy your mom is coming home soon?"

I looked up from my lunch at Emily, shocked. Not at her question, but how she'd known. For now, all the things going on with my mom had surprisingly been low key. That, or everyone just felt too sorry for me to give me shit about it. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her lately 'cause she'd been sick and missed out on some school. She was also gaining weight, and eating like it was nobody's business, so I suspected she might have been pregnant. However, she didn't say anything, and I didn't want to bring it up if I was wrong.

"How'd you know about that?"

"I told her." Rosalie sat down, her voice hoarse, eyes puffy. "I hope that's okay. I didn't tell anyone else, though. I swear."

"Never mind that." I waved a hand at her. Emily and I both giving her our rapt attention. "What's wrong?"

"Me and Royce got into a huge fight last night."

It was then I realized he wasn't with her. Which was saying a lot because he had the same lunch as us and sat at our table by default. In the halls, they were normally glued at the hip.

"What happened?"

"Liam called."

Well there's a name I hadn't heard in a while. "Okay?"

"That's it. He's mad 'cause Liam called me."

Bypassing whether or not Royce had the right to be mad at that, I asked, "What did he want?"

"To ask me to prom."

"WHAT!" That was both me and Emily.

"Doesn't he know you're with Royce now?"

"Yeah, well he's a senior this year and we'd talked about going to his prom. He was asking me if I was still wanting to go. He actually offered to go as friends. It's just that we'd talked about it so much when we were together, he was wondering if I still wanted to go."

"And you said?"

"Well, I hesitated."

"Then no wonder Royce is mad."

"Well, I wouldn't have said yes. It just caught me off guard. Of course Royce didn't want to hear it though and it became this whole big fight. He ended up leaving and has been avoiding and ignoring me all day."

As much as I wanted to be there for her, all I could hear is that people were starting to talk about senior prom—even though it was a little over two months away—and Riley, my actual boyfriend hadn't mentioned it to me. It started making me worried he'd already promised someone else. As the current girlfriend, I trumped any promises made previously, right? I wasn't sure what prom etiquette was.

With the anticipation of my mom coming home, and Riley not asking me to prom, I was becoming somewhat of a mess. I ended up tuning out the rest of the conversation, hoping I didn't miss anything too important.

After lunch, the three of us walked down the hall to see Royce standing with Edward and Charlotte. Two things we hadn't seen in a while.

"Well, that didn't last long," I said in reference to their break up. But Rosalie was more concerned with one of her friends who was currently hanging all over Royce.

"If you'll excuse me, ladies." She charged toward them and Emily and I of course followed.

"Rose, hey."

We crinkled our noses. I think he was the only one who ever called her that.

"What the fuck, Royce?"

"Where's Liam?"

"I told you I didn't know he was going to call me. I haven't talked to him since we broke up."

"Convenient he called you out of the blue."

"You were there, I was just as shocked as you."

"Yeah, I was there. I was there when you told him you had to think about it."

"I was caught off guard. And by the way, as soon as you left, I called him and told him no. That I loved my boyfriend and didn't want to disrespect him by going to prom with someone else. But, I guess since you're hanging out with these chicks you were just calling 'the cunt crew' days ago, I should call him and say I changed my mind." With that, she stormed off, Royce following closely.

"Rose, wait! I'm sorry."

"Well ..." I cleared my throat and looked at Emily. "We should probably get to class, huh?"

I didn't bother giving Edward a second glance after noticing him scowling it me.

The whispers that followed only temporarily distracted me from thinking about prom.

On our way home from school, Riley took notice.

"Hey." He reached over, lacing our fingers together as he drove. "What's wrong."

"Eyes on the road," I said somewhat playfully. "And I'm fine."

"Really? I don't think I've heard you this quiet in a long time. Did Charlotte say something to you at school today? I heard you had a run in with them." Of course he did.

"No. She didn't say anything to me." Surprisingly.

"Did Edward?"

"No."

"Are you nervous about your mom?"

"No. Well ... yeah, but that's not what's wrong."

"So there _is_ something wrong then?"

"Rosalie and Royce broke up, I think."

He rolled his eyes. "I heard the argument last night. Or about the argument I should say. But I know that's not what's bothering you."

"Did you hear what it was about?"

"Prom."

"And what did you think about it?"

"It's stupid."

"Oh."

"The argument. Not prom. I mean I do want to go. Are you going?"

I glared and gritted through my teeth that no one had asked me yet. But he just laughed it off.

**+10 years +**

A week later, the new, improved, and strict as hell Renee came home.

It was okay at first, stilted at times but we tried. I even opted to go with her for preliminary prom dress shopping, instead of my girls, noting Riley had started dropping hints.

But after a few weeks, it was clear our relationship had changed vastly in comparison to how it had been before. A lot more damage had been done in the past year than I'd realized and more than anything, we clashed heads against all her new rules. She'd never just let me do what I wanted before all the drugs and stuff, but I was at least allowed to have a social life. Now, it was like she trying to put me on lockdown. Trying to prove … something. Either to herself or to everyone else.

I didn't want to make her feel bad, remind her how 'absentee' she had been, but it was starting to get on my nerves. Especially when a party came up I really wanted to go to and she flat out told me I wasn't 'allowed' to go.

"Are you serious?"

"Bella, I just don't feel comfortable letting you go off to a party with a whole bunch of kids driving."

"It's not a whole bunch of kids. It's just Riley. I drive with Riley to school all the time."

"Yes, to school. During the day. Not at night, when I don't know in what condition you guys will be driving home."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She leveled me with a 'I'm not stupid look.' "Just because I haven't said anything, doesn't mean I don't know what goes on at some of these parties. I was a kid once, too. And I know the parents aren't always home, and the liquor cabinet doesn't always stay locked."

"But I don't drink, though," I lied. "And neither do my friends." Another lie. "We would never be stupid enough to drink and drive."

"This isn't up for discussion, Bella."

"Ugh." I stomped off to my room. "This is bullshit."

"And you could forget about going anywhere for a week with that attitude!" I heard her call out. I slammed the door of my room, screaming into my pillow. This really was such bullshit. I'd already told everyone I was going to be there, and was supposed to meet up with Rosalie and Emily.

As soon as I picked up the phone in my room to call them, my mother was already at my door.

"And you can kiss this phone goodbye for a while."

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't know where the hell this attitude is coming from. And until it goes away, you're going to start losing all these nice little things of yours."

"My attitude? No, I think it's pure shock at you acting like you give a shit about me now."

"I made mistakes." Her voice was cold, detached. "And so help me God, I'm going to make up for them. Whether you like me for it or not."

"At least let me call Riley and tell him not to come pick me up." I reached my hand out for my phone, but she pulled it farther away.

"No. You shouldn't have secured a ride before you secured permission. When Riley comes, I'll let him know you won't be allowed to go."

"Mom, that's embarrassing. At least let me go down and tell him."

"Again, no."

I didn't give a shit what she said. I was going to that party.

**xXx**

"Bella!"

I laughed when Rosalie and Emily sprang up from the hoods of the guys' cars to rush over to me.

"Hey, girls." I waved and smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, Riley said your mom was all, 'Bella's not going to be coming out with you tonight or for a while 'til she learns respect'." Rosalie mocked my mom.

I scoffed. "She's on a power trip."

"How'd you get here?"

After my mom went to sleep, I waited for appropriate snoring before sneaking out. Thankfully, the house where the party was this time around wasn't that far from my house so the walk didn't take long.

"I walked."

"Well, thank God you're here."

I looked over at Emily's glare. "Why?"

"'Cause Charlotte's crew is all over your man tonight. Or trying to be at least."

"Well, then maybe we should go inside." I winked.

The three of us walked in and immediately spotted Riley leaning up against a side wall and three girls standing in front of him. Two I recognized right away. As I approached, I could see a bored expression on his face, but that didn't help his cause. He was still entertaining the trio.

"Don't mind me."

All four heads snapped in my direction. Riley looked surprised to see me, but relieved and happy as well. My face stayed expressionless. "No, really." I waved. "Continue on with your conversation. I'm sure it was fascinating."

"Bell, hey." One of the dumb girls greeted me. "We were just—"

"—Leaving."

They huffed and scampered off leaving me with an amused looking Riley. "You're _hot_ when you're all jealous and shit," he said with a grin. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back and away from his attempted kiss. "Awwh, what's wrong?"

"Why were you talking to a group of girls you know hate me?"

"I wasn't talking to them. They were talking to me. At me. I just didn't want to be rude."

"Thank God I'm here. I could only imagine what I would have heard at school."

"Probably that I had an orgy." I giggled, despite trying to act annoyed with him. "There it is." He spoke softly, bringing his arms around me. "I'm glad you're here, though. How'd you get your mom to change her mind?"

"I didn't." After quickly explaining to him I'd snuck out and walked, he did not look happy. "What?"

"You snuck out and walked here. Bella … no don't do that."

I frowned. "I thought you just said you're happy I'm here?"

"Of course I am, but what if something happened to you? No one would know where you are. I'm not saying not to find a way to come out, but at least next time find a way to call me?"

"Okay." I relented easily. He looked pleased with himself, and turned me around in his arms, tightening his hold.

"You look ..." his words hung in the air as his hands roamed down my bare legs. "I like this skirt."

"Yeah?" I bit my bottom lip.

He nodded slowly. "Wanna come somewhere with me?"

"Sure."

The 'somewhere' ended up being his car, and when we walked back into the party, almost an hour later, it was to the knowing looks of our friends. I didn't care—I was giddy and excited about what happened and pulled the girls to the bathroom with me immediately.

"Please don't tell me you dragged us in here for the sordid details," Emily said then grimaced at herself. "No, actually please tell me that's exactly what you're doing."

"Guess who has a date for prom," I blurted. They squealed for me. Even though it was supposed to be a given, Riley hadn't formally asked until minutes before in the car between pants and breaths. "And guess what ..." My smile turned creepy wide, along with my eyes as I vibrated with more giddiness. "Guess what he told me."

"That he loves you?"

"Yes!"

"Shut up."

"I know, right." I let out a dreamy sigh. "I mean, he said he loved me before as a friend, ya know. But now that we're together it's different."

"Did you say it back?"

"He told me not to. He said he wanted me to wait until I was compelled to say it myself."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I don't know if that's sweet or corny."

"Well, I think it's sweet."

I was too excited to let their teasing rain on my parade.

I let myself get lost in thoughts of dresses, hair, nails and whatever else prom entailed. I knew it was going to be beautiful. And it was. At least that's what I heard. Because outside forces intervened, and in the end, Riley and I never saw the inside of the gymnasium that night.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! :-)**

**Until Next Time**

**~Lo**


	16. Chapter 16

**Woot! I'm back from vaca! **

**OK, this and the next chap aren't going to be easy. (Not that the previous ones were, but yeah) … That's all I'll say. I don't want to be a broken record and annoy the crap out of ya'll so just remember by warnings from before: I only promise E/B their HEA and that they'll make it out in the end.**

**Big thanks, as per usual, to my beta and my friend Ajasperfor Me! And to all of you for reading, those I see rec'ing, and those who review! I do it for myself, but I do it for you, too! So thanks for making it worth it when there's days … well, ya know!**

**Muah!**

***Tissue warning***

* * *

*** Sixteen ***

I'm pretty sure my mom knew I'd snuck out because after that night, every time I asked to do just about anything, she ended up saying no. At first it was a vicious cycle that would start in a fight and end up with me going out anyway. But I tired of that quickly and it didn't take long for me to stop asking for permission all together and just keep doing my own thing.

She made comments constantly about not liking who I was becoming, who I'd become, but I just shrugged. The wheels of not caring had been set in motion a long time ago. She just didn't notice.

Plus, there wasn't all that much she could say. In regards to every other aspect of my life, I was doing my part.

I'd finally taken my permit test, passed and started looking around town for jobs so I could save to buy a car when I got my license.

At school I had A's across the board, no complaints from teachers, no fights thanks to the fact Charlotte had backed off and Edward had given me my space. There were a few times where his attacks on Riley rivaled me and Charlotte at first, but now we were all living in contentment to just ignore the other's existence. It was perfect.

At home, my room stayed spotless, I kept up with my chores, and pretended I didn't notice my dad hanging around more than normal. Whatever was going on or not going on with them, I gave them their space and didn't ask questions.

In return, I thought it was fair for me to go out on the weekends with my friends and my boyfriend, who was getting ready to graduate. I knew we'd have summer, but the fate of our relationship once he started school was still undecided. Therefore, I was willing to take whatever dirty looks and words of disappointment my mom dished out in order to spend time with him. My hope was the more time we spent together, the sooner we'd have the talk about our futures.

I wasn't prepared for it to come up as we were randomly out to dinner one night.

"Did you get your dress yet?"

I looked up from my appetizers with a smile. "I found a really pretty blue one, but they didn't have it in my size. I had to express order it."

He looked nervous. "Prom's barely two weeks away. Is it gonna come in time?"

"It better or else I'll have to go naked. Though I'm sure _you _won't mind."

"I fucking love you." He looked at me, mirth and awe apparent in his eyes, probably imagining me naked. "Do you know that?"

"So you've said." I still hadn't said it back to him. I wanted to, yearned for him to hear it. The love and appreciation I had from him was different from what I'd experienced before, but it was still special and I was waiting for the right time to say it—like prom. "I can't believe it's so soon and then like two weeks later, you graduate. Are you excited?"

"I'm excited I'm pretty much done with school." He grinned and winked. I scowled to show my jealousy. Today was the seniors' last real day of class. The following week would consist of study days and then exams the following week. "But I'm not excited about leaving you," he whispered. My teasing scowl fell to a frown. "I'm really gonna miss you." He sat his fork down, and reached across the table for my hand. "I wished we'd gotten together before."

"Yeah, well you were the big bad Riley King. You didn't like underclassmen, even though you were one."

"No, I didn't want to date freshman and sophomores. Mistake number one for me. I was focused on everyone else, like Jessica. I wished I'd noticed you before."

"Yeah, well I was with Alec then Edward. So ..." I might have regretted dating Alec, but no matter what was going on, I wouldn't bring myself to lie to him and say Edward was a mistake. No matter how mad I was at him, no matter how much he'd changed—no matter how much we'd both changed—I still loved him in my own way.

"So what's the plan for when I leave? We're not gonna break up are we?"

My eyebrows rose. I hadn't realized it, but I'd honestly thought he was going to want to end things with me. Start fresh and new in school. I was pleased this didn't seem to be the case. "You want us to stay together?"

"Well, yeah. Why?" He looked panicked. "You wanna break up?"

"No. No. But I thought you might."

"Not a chance."

"Then looks like you're gonna be saddled with a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend who might be considering NYU one day, perhaps?"

With my eyes still raised, my mouth dropped. "What?"

Though I was a junior and was supposed to have all kinds of plans figured out, I still wasn't sure where I was going to go to college. We lived in the middle of nowhere, moving to a city was almost everyone's plan. So it was either LA or New York—some even thinking of Florida—but my details hadn't been sorted out.

"Are you saying?"

"I mean, a lot can happen in that time. Just don't rule it out." He winked. "Going to the same school wouldn't be so bad, right?"

No, not at all.

We both finished our dinners with our hands latched on to the other's and wide smiles on our faces, thinking and discussing possible plans for next year and thereafter.

When we met up with Rosalie and Royce for a party later on that night, I was still giddy.

"Someone looks creepy."

I smiled at Rosalie. "Riley and I aren't breaking up."

"That's ... good? Was there a reason you guys were going to in the first place?"

"Well, yeah—him going to school."

"Oh." Realization dawned on her and she beamed, too. "Nice. And guess what?"

"What?"

"Me and Royce are one hundred percent again."

That was a relief. The past month had been touch and go for a while there. I smiled—seeing visions of the four of us older and hanging out together. "I just had a cheesy moment."

"Do I want to know?"

"Wouldn't it be crazy if we ended up together? Me and Riley, you and Royce? We'd be kinda like sister-in-laws."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"I told you it was a cheesy moment."

The rest of the weekend and the next week went on without much fanfare. The seniors trickled in and out, and everyone was buzzing hard about either prom, graduation, vacations or college. It was a nostalgic moment for the seniors, while the underclassmen prepared to 'rule the school' or say goodbye to their friends.

When the weekend came, of course there was another party and of course I went. I didn't sneak out and there wasn't a fight with my mom. It was a plea to just be careful. I almost didn't go—there was that looming feeling again I'd had months before. However, since Edward had calmed down and Jessica wasn't going to be there, I couldn't put my finger on it.

While there, I couldn't get into it either.

"I'll be right back, okay?" I excused myself from everyone. When I got outside, I gulped greedily at the fresh air, fisting a handful of hair away from my neck.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I turned around to face Riley noticing a bit of annoyance in his voice, but concern as well. I think he knew I just wasn't feeling it. "I don't know, but I think I want to go home."

"Why?"

"I just do. Please. Can you take me?"

"Bella, this is one of the last parties I'll be able to go to. Don't go."

"You can come back after you bring me home." I pleaded. "Please? I'm not up to it."

"I can take her."

I looked over the top of Riley's shoulder as he whirled around at Edward's voice. "Like hell."

"Come on, man." Edward scoffed, both hands raised in the air. "This isn't even about me starting shit. This is just … I'm leaving, too. I can take you." He looked over at me. "If you want."

I wasn't sure how to respond at first. It felt like minutes passed as I scrutinized his face. I mean, he _had_ been keeping his distance lately. He seemed genuine and I really, really wanted to just get home.

"Fine."

"No way." Riley turned his attention back to me. "Fuck no."

I understood his apprehension. I would have been flipping my shit if he was offering some other girl—an ex at that—a ride home, but it wasn't time for that kind of worry.

"It'll be fine." I rushed to him, grabbing his hand. "It's just a ride. You don't have to leave early and I get to go home. Win-win."

"I don't trust him."

"But you trust me, right?"

Though his lips pursed, he nodded and told me to let him know if Edward tried anything before giving me a searing kiss and walking off.

An urge to hold on to time, delay the goodbye rushed over me. "Hey." I called out when he got closer to the house.

He walked back to me and I caged him in a hug. "Whoa. You alright?"

"Just be careful driving back," I whispered against his chest. "And call me when you get home."

"You don't have a phone, remember."

"Oh, yeah." I pouted. I'd gotten it taken away ages ago, at least that's what it felt like. "And you don't even have school anymore."

"I could still pick you up Monday if you want? Well, I guess it's technically tomorrow since it's so late."

I giggled. "I know what you mean but no, it's okay. Sleep in. I can walk or ask my mom or something. But pick me up after?"

"Of course."

With another soft kiss, he watched me get into Edward's car and drive off.

As soon as we were down the street, I turned his music down and faced him. "Thanks." Edward titled his head, but didn't look away from the road. I could tell he had a questioning look on his face. "For the ride. And for … well the past few weeks. Thanks."

When he didn't answer, other than to give me a nod, I turned the radio back on and leaned against the door to stare out the window.

For some reason when we got to my house, I stalled in the driveway. Hoping he'd say anything but he didn't. "Okay, well thanks again. And bye."

"Be safe."

A strange shiver ran down my spine, but I pushed it aside, climbing up the stairs and quickly falling asleep, barely coming up for breath the next day.

**x-X-x**

When I walked into school Monday, the air felt thick. There was no one hanging out in the parking lot, but I knew the bell couldn't have rung yet. My first thoughts were there was an early morning assembly I had forgotten about. Most likely in regards to more 'Prom Promise' stuff.

I strolled to the other side of the building where I knew Royce and Rosalie normally hung out—knowing they'd probably be skipping it—but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her in Edward's arms. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. They just looked like they were hugging but when I saw their little embrace last longer than it should, I marched up to them. It was an irrational anger, but at the same time, it was my best friend and my ex-boyfriend. I wasn't too happy.

"What's going on?"

"Bella!" Rosalie jumped, flinging her arms around me. I was stiff at first until I felt her shaking and heard her choppy sobs as she tried to talk to me.

"What the hell happened?" I wrapped my arms around her, looking over her shoulder to see a red-eyed Edward.

"Royce," Edward answered, a strange tone to his voice.

"Okay? Did you guys break up again?" I patted Rosalie's shoulder. "Get in a fight?"

She lifted her head from my shoulder, shaking her head with a look on her face that showed confusion and heartbreak all at once. "Bella, didn't anyone tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"He's gone, Bella," Edward jumped back in. "He and Riley got in an accident. He didn't make it."

My mouth dropped and my eyes bulged out as I shook my head. "No way. That's ... I'm sure you heard wrong. Let me go call Riley. I'm sure this is a mistake."

"Bella, you can't." Edward stopped me.

"Edward, I have to—"

"No, I mean you literally can't. He … he didn't make it either."

I paused for a second before taking a step away from both of them. "You're lying."

"Bella."

"No." I pushed Edward's hands away. "You're lying. You hate him that much that you'd lie about ..." I shook my head, I couldn't even repeat it. "That's really low."

"I wish I was, but it's true."

"It is." Rosalie choked out.

"No. No way. I was just with him Saturday. Prom is this weekend. He promised he'd be careful and that I'd see him today after school."

"It was an accident, Bella. They were driving and—"

"Stop! Just ... stop. You—you're ..." I was shaking my head, my hands were on either side of my face, but I wasn't crying yet. There was no way what they were saying was true. I made a mad dash inside the building. I was going to use the phone in the office—call his house. Prove they were wrong. But everyone's faces stopped me. All the looks, it was like everything stopped.

"Bella?" I turned around at the voice, it wasn't one I recognized—just a random student. "I'm so sorry."

"Get away from me," the words were rushed, harsh. I didn't want to hear it. This was all a lie. A big mistake. A hand at my shoulder forced me to turn around, and I almost smiled thinking it was Riley. But when I came face to face with one of the guidance counselors and looked around at all the faces again, realization dawned on me in slow motion. To my left were two girls hugging and crying. One girl's face was scrunched up so bad I didn't think she was breathing.

Glancing over and to my right I saw a few guys—seniors, I kind of recognized—with solemn looks on their faces as if they were trying to hold themselves together. And when I turned around, I saw Emily hugging Rosalie tightly. It was then I heard the sob escape me before I felt it. "Oh, my God." It was like I was hit by a freight train. My heart felt like it might stop. My knees like they were going to give out. "Please, please no ... no." There was no way this was happening.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." I felt arms around me then. I tried to fight them off. Beg them this was all some sordid mistake but they held me tighter.

And I fell apart.

"But prom is this weekend. He's graduating next month. I was—I didn't get to tell him. I ... I ... no. Please, please ..." This was a nightmare, any moment I was going to wake up. I was sure of it. "This isn't real. This isn't happening."

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Come with me to the office."

"No." No, no, no. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted Riley.

"Excuse us."

I looked up at the sound of Rosalie's voice, and everything else around me blurred. I saw her and Edward looking at me, reaching out to me—trying to pull me up off the floor.

"You guys. No. No." Edward's arms reached me first, and I beat at his chest. "You—this it's a lie. Tell me … tell me ..."

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I wish. I wish."

I couldn't hold it anymore. His broken voice, his apologies only meant one thing.

It was true. Royce and Riley were both gone. Edward's best friend was gone. Rosalie's boyfriend was gone. My boyfriend was gone.

Friends, brothers, classmates, sons. Gone.

Plans we made. Things we said we were going to do. Opportunities. It was all gone.

Going to NYU.

Telling him …

No, no, no. "I didn't tell him. Oh, my God—I never told him." I looked at Rosalie, knowing she would understand.

"He knows you loved him."

"But I didn't say it!" And now I would never get the chance. I fell apart in her and Edward's arms. Begging them to wake me up. Begging them to take it back. Tell me this was all a lie. But they didn't.

And I had no idea how I was going to be okay after that.

* * *

**The first time I can remember experiencing death (of a friend not family) was freshman year of high school. One of our classmates, her, her mom and brother all died in a car accident. It was my first wake up call, reality check, and it rocked our school to it's core. From that moment on, we all had this weird cloud over our heads thinking there was this "curse" because every 3-6 months for about 2 years after that, someone else died in a car accident. Some were pure accidents, some were drug related, but regardless they were all a shock and a growing experience.**

**I didn't do this for shock value, the image of Bella losing a boyfriend, in HS, due to a car accident was the plot bunny that started this story. Just thought I'd throw that out there!**

**Thank you so much for reading. **

**Until next time**

**~Lo**

**I'll post a teaser for the next chap in my group on Sunday and update again next Wednesday! **

***hugs***


	17. Chapter 17

***Seventeen ***

**_In memory ..._**

Time ceased to exist after that day. Things stopped making sense. I hated life, hated God. Hated everyone. I wasn't sure what we had done to deserve the year we've all had. All of us losing Riley and Royce. What was the point of it all?

What was the point of taking two boys away from their family, friends, girlfriends, their parents?

I didn't know what loss felt like before that. Every movement felt like it hurt. Every time the phone rang and it wasn't him, I died a little more inside. When I walked through the halls and looked at everyone's face, I couldn't hold it together.

At night, I was unable to sleep as memories bounced behind my eyes. In the morning, I couldn't breathe when I realized it wasn't a dream.

Both boys were cremated, so instead of different services, we had just one memorial service. It was all a blur. I wasn't going to go, at first. I didn't want to. I had no idea how to say goodbye. I'd never done it before. But I went. We all did. It was like the entire school packed themselves in the small room of the funeral parlor.

I'll always remember that day. It was a Friday—the day before prom. The Kings had done it that way intentionally, as to not interfere with anyone's plans the next day. They knew how important it was to all of them.

I sobbed at the thought.

I sobbed as his family spoke.

I sobbed as some of the kids from the choir sang "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan.

I sobbed as pictures were shown through a slide show. I cried for Edward when pictures of the past few years were shown with him and his best friend. I cried when they showed those of Royce and Rosalie. Me and Riley. Them together. Separate. With their families. Friends. Pets. I cried and cried.

Whenever I tried to stop, wails and sobs bubbled out of me. Cries of pain. It hurt. It hurt so bad. It felt like the hurt would never go away. When his parents offered me to say a few words, I declined. How could I? I never said the few words to him that would have mattered the most when he was alive. Saying anything now—I didn't deserve it.

When their father spoke, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. He talked about what it was like when he first held them and about things he'd wished for them since day one. To find love. Success. Regrets he had-that he worked so damn much and missed precious moments with his sons. He shared stories of the boys growing up, acting like twins when they were younger then growing apart but finding each other again this year, knowing their time would be dwindling as Riley prepared to go off to college.

"He thought about staying." Mr. King paused, bringing a fist to his mouth. I could tell he was trying to hold it together. "A few weeks ago, he talked to me and his mom about how we'd feel if he waited a year. Go to a local school, earn some credits then transfer. He'd met a girl—fallen in love. He wanted to wait for Bella, so they could go to school together. Then one day he came home ecstatic that she said they'd be okay. He knew then that she loved him, that they'd be okay. Thank you." He looked at me. "Thank you for letting my son ..." he paused again and searched out Rosalie, "_sons_ experience love before he ... before they ..."

I couldn't take it anymore and ran out of the funeral parlor, vaguely aware of someone following me. When the air hit me, I dropped to my knees. It was too much. All of it.

"Bella."

I whirled around to face Jessica, nervous as to what she might say. But it was clear she didn't have any malice in her at that moment. She looked just at broken as I felt. "I'm sorry."

"It hurts." I wailed, dropping my head to my hand. "Make it stop. Make it stop hurting."

She couldn't. She was going through it, too. "I wish I could."

Together we cried. We held each other. And for Riley, whatever issues we had, we let it go.

**+10 years+ **

"Hey, sweetheart."

I lifted my head from the pages of a textbook and looked up at Mom then back down. "Hi."

My voice wasn't welcoming, it wasn't pleasant. I was tired. And I didn't want to fight with her. Didn't want to hear her words—lies—of encouragement. Would it be okay? Yeah, someday I imagined it would be, but that wasn't what I wanted or needed to hear at the moment. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to try and focus on the assignment I was working on that I never got to do since the week before when my world shattered. A few days had passed and I missed school, but now that the memorial was over and prom had come and gone, everyone expected me to go on as usual. And that meant going back to school the next day. For that moment I just wanted to forget everything else.

"I'm studying," I said, my voice flat.

"That's good."

"Yup."

"Uh, Rosa's downstairs. Do you want to see her?"

"Rose."

"What?"

"Rose. That's ... she's going by that now. Royce ... he ... that's what he called her. That's what she's called now."

I looked over at the clock. It wasn't late, barely after eight o'clock, but it was already dark out. Mistaking my confusion for something else, my mom jumped in, telling me it was okay to go downstairs, like I'd been seeking permission. It was the first time in a long time I didn't have the heart to crush her.

Silently, I made my way outside and found Rose sitting on the front steps of my house. She looked ... different. Tired but pretty. Her hair was done up in a ponytail and her curly blonde hair trailed down her back. She wasn't wearing sweats—like I'd been—and had on a denim skirt and t-shirt. "Did you go out?"

She titled her head in my direction and shook it. "No." Then she paused, taking a long breath. "I know it's gross, but I'm pretty sure today's the first time I've taken a shower in days."

Waving a hand at myself, I snorted at my stained t-shirt and basketball shorts that belonged to Riley. "Yeah, well you one upped me there."

"I needed to get out of the house. Breathe fresh air. Look human. Just ... do something instead of lying still in bed, ya know?"

I nodded, but shrugged at the same time. I wasn't really there yet. I wanted the crying and hurting to stop, but in the week and a half since they died, I hadn't really done anything in an effort to stop it.

"You know what I was thinking on the way over here?" I looked over at Rose, giving her my attention. "Do you think ... I don't know ... that we're all being punished somehow?"

"Punished?"

She shrugged. "They say everything happens for a reason, right? What if we're being punished? What if that's the reason? Somewhere between freshman year and now it feels like we've slipped into some alternate universe. Think about what we've been through. It almost feels like a curse."

I knew what she meant, in a sense. But ... "What would we be cursed for?"

"I don't even know." She let out a soft laugh. It was the first laugh I'd heard from her in over a week. "It's a little easier to grasp than the fact life just sucks like this. I still can't believe he's gone. That they're both gone."

We sat silently for a second, the stillness of the air reminiscent to how we felt.

"Have you talked to the Kings at all?"

"Yeah." I nodded. I'd spoken to Mrs. King briefly the day before. Some of Riley's classmates had made a collage to give to her as well as his signed yearbook and she asked if I could get it from them for her. I'd barely recognized her voice, her words came out jumbled and confused. It was hard to talk to her, think about her. We weren't that close when ... before, but I knew I wouldn't lose touch with her. For as long as she wanted me around, I would stay. "Have you?"

"I don't know what to say to them. All I can think of are the same things that make me mad when people say them to me."

I snorted, understanding her pain.

'Everything happens for a reason'.

'He's in a better place'.

'He's gone but never far'.

Everyone meant well, but it was still annoying at times.

"According to my mom, we should feel lucky."

"WHAT!"

"Yup." I rolled my eyes and leaned back further against the stairs. "I think she meant it as a comfort thing. But this morning she told me I should feel lucky I wasn't in the car and she was happy it wasn't me." Rose's face looked horrified. "Exactly. I know what she was _trying_ to say. But all I heard was that she was happy my boyfriend's ..." I couldn't even say the word. The reality hadn't fully caught up to me either. I mean, I knew Riley was gone. I knew he wasn't coming back. I got that. But there was a part of me that felt ... confused? Lost. Knowing it to be true and saying the words out loud were two different beasts. I wasn't ready for the second.

"My mom's just kinda letting me be. I don't think she knows what to say."

"Does anyone?" I sure didn't.

"Are you going to school tomorrow?"

I let out a long breath. "Yeah, I have to. You?"

"I went today."

"How was it?"

"Not the same." Her head bowed. "I never realized the little things, you know? How much time Royce and I spent together. How much my day just revolved around him. How'd you even put up with us?"

I frowned, an 'awwh' slipping from my lips. "You were in love." I shrug. "It was more bearable once I was too."

Her head snapped up to look at me. "Were."

"What?"

"I just realized you said were."

Fuck. "Rose, I'm sorry, I didn't mean ..."

"No. No, it's okay. I was. I was in love with Royce."

"And you still are."

"I wish I wasn't."

This confused me. "Why?"

"'Cause it's useless energy now. I wish when people died they took all that with them. All the energy they had, all the emotions that belonged to them—I wish it died too. But it doesn't. They just leave—they die and everyone who loved them is stuck with it, not knowing what to do, where to place it, how to go on without them. God, Bella." Her voice turned into a rasp. I could hear the wetness of tears in her throat. "This just sucks."

I brought my hands to my eyes, trying to push the tears back in.

"You know what I can't wait for?" She continued talking, asking me questions, not holding it against me that I couldn't reciprocate. "The day where I don't feel like this. When I could think of him—them and not cry." Then she paused again and looked over at me. "About what your mom said?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you go out that night?"

"I did but I left early. Edward took me."

"Oh."

It was then I realized something. "You guys weren't there. At the party, you and Royce weren't there." In all the madness, all the hoopla, it never dawned on me. All we'd known was they'd gotten into an accident. Their alcohol levels were above the legal limit. Drugs had been in their system. Stuff like that.

"Royce and I had got in a fight." Her lips started quivering as she looked straight ahead. "I told him I didn't want to go to another stupid party. We were at my house and he called his brother to come get him. I guess they were just down the street from the party when they swerved. Whatever happened."

The look in her eyes when I forced her to look at me almost shattered me. There wasn't just remorse, there was guilt. Everything in me fought to tell her it wasn't her fault. And that if I wanted to, I could have found ways to feel guilty too. If Edward hadn't brought me home, he would have been there to pick up Royce. But I didn't say any of it. I knew the comfort wouldn't help her.

I don't know how long we sat there until we saw someone walking toward the front porch. It was like a feeling of deja vu from memories that seemed like it belonged to someone else. Lifetimes ago. I got up and walked to him slowly, not finding the strength to run to him, though I wanted to. He closed the distance quickly, wrapping me in a hug. I felt his throat convulsing against the skin of my shoulder.

"He's really gone, Bella."

"Oh, Edward."

We held on to each other for what felt like hours before my mom eventually came outside and told us all to come in. She made them call their parents, saying that at a time like this, it was only fair for them to keep them in the know about all their movements.

Rose spent the night and the next morning, Edward picked us up and we all drove to school together. The three of us didn't speak on the way. Didn't listen to music. The wind was loud enough, it spoke words we couldn't say.

I kept my head down and to myself for most of the day. I just wanted to focus on exams and not people trying to find out how I was. For the most part though, everyone gave me my space. I got a few notes from people letting me know if I needed a friend to talk to they were there. I offered them a smile in thanks. I should have known not everyone was going to be supportive, or at the very least, leave me alone.

"Hey."

I looked up from my locker and offered Edward a small smile. "Hi."

"Going to lunch?" I shrugged. I didn't have a choice. "How're you doing?"

"I don't know." I sighed and leaned against my locker. "It's just so weird, you know? Surreal almost. Like ..."

"Like you're walking around but not really. Like you're watching a movie of your life but not living it? Like at any second you expect him to come walking down the hall?"

"Exactly." A tear fell down my face. "You know what I realized?"

"What?"

"I'm only seventeen. Riley is the first person I know who's died. And ... I—we all—have so many people to lose. Dozens of goodbyes to say. I don't know if ... how I'll survive it."

I hadn't thought about it before. Losing anyone. But I knew the time would come where I would lose my parents. Maybe more friends. Rosalie. Edward. Everything seemed so trivial. Petty. "I'm sorry," I whimpered, trying to stifle my sob. "We spent so much time fighting, arguing. I just ..."

"I know." He caged me in a hug. "I'm sorry too. It's gonna hurt for a really long time. In fact, it might never stop hurting. But one day, I promise when you think about him you'll laugh. Smile. You won't always cry. When my dad died, a part of me died with him. I miss him every day but sometimes when I think about him, I laugh now too."

Our moment, the moment we both so desperately needed, was ruined by none other than Charlotte.

"Edward, I need to talk to you. Alone."

"Are you kidding me right now?" I looked at her. "My ... are you serious?"

"I am so sorry at what you're going through," she said, a sneering tone to her voice. "Really, I couldn't imagine losing my boyfriend. I couldn't imagine if that was Edward. But that doesn't mean you need to be all up on my boyfriend."

I don't know what it was, the way she was looking at me, the tone of her voice or all the rage I'd been feeling manifesting itself all at once, but a snarling scream ripped through me, and I lunged. Kicking, punching, screaming, grabbing for her hair. I was going for blood. I don't know who stopped me—what stopped me.

I dropped to the ground sobbing, gasping for breath. I was vaguely aware of being watched, spoken to. Soft words being spoken to me. I knew it was Edward but I couldn't say anything. Couldn't apologize. I cried. I wept. And that's all I'd wanted, I realized. I didn't want to hear words of encouragement. I wanted to break down. I wanted to fall apart, and in the middle of the hallway with everyone watching me, Edward let me. Telling me to let it out, that he wasn't going anywhere. Holding my hand, holding me. Not trying to make me laugh, but just being there. And I sobbed until I couldn't. Until I couldn't breathe. Until my throat was so sore I feared I'd never be able to speak again. Until I felt I might drown in my own tears. For hours, days, weeks it went on. And he was there for it all.

And one day, without realizing it, I just stopped.

* * *

**Charlotte's had this coming for some time, huh!? Smh**

**We'll probably be jumping a few months next chap because I see no need to drag ya'll through Bella's grieving process, you feel me!? :-)**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until Next Time**

**~Lo**


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